Velcade Day

Today Tim gets his first Velcade treatment. His numbers, which had been pretty stable since
his SCT, have now started to move. No big jump, but they are going up. We knew this would
happen eventually but I must admit that his being off chemo these last months has made our life
as close to "normal" as it's been since this all began. I am not looking forward to all the time we
will now have to spend in his doc's office. He needs a CBC and has to see the doc. everytime he
has this infusion and his doc. is always behind schedule. I still feel guilty complaining because of course this is much worse for Tim, but I guess I do have the right. I just hope it works. Tim has decided he will probably do the mini-allo and his doc. once again told us that he may not even be a candidate for one if they can't get his numbers low enough.
If the velcade does not work, we are really in a pickle. On a non-cancer note, we are nearly done
w/the apartment renovations. The kitchen cabinets went in on Sat. and I showed the apartment
3 times and all parties were interested. There is very little undeveloped property in our little
suburban town in Bergen County, NJ but this 2-family we bought overlooks a 3 acre nature
preserve with a river winding through it and the young couple who we chose is in love with the
place. The guy can't wait to pull a trout out of the creek. I know they stock it but I secretly thought to myself that he may catch nothing more than a plastic bag. Tim, Olivia and I did watch 2 red-tailed hawks there just a few days ago though. Not a common
sight in these parts. I am relieved to be almost done and to have it rent so fast. It's a load off
my extremely overloaded mind. Tim's flooring business is very busy. We thought he'd be a little
slow in Jan. and Feb. as is the norm but he is swamped and that makes it very stressful for him
to be trying to finish the apt. on top of all his business responsibilities. I wish we could hit the lottery. I hate the stress and time constraints he has. If ever there was a time you did not want
your life to be governed by financial matters and health insurance, it is when you are faced with
an illness and you really want to spend all your time showing the world to your 9 year-old. There
was this show on TV about how winning the lottery ruined these people's lives. Boy, I am convinced we could make a good run of it if we were given the chance!!! Oh well, back to reality.
And right now that reality is a sink full of dishes and a doctors appointment. RATS!!!

Tim's birthday

Superbowl Sunday fell on Tim's 44th birthday this year. We had a nice day. Took our
daughter and her friends bowling and went to our friends' superbowl party. It's hard to
believe how much has changed since his b-day last year. We took our parents to a Toby Keith
concert. It was our daughter's first concert and Tim's dad's first(at age 70). No worries. Just
good times. I suddenly remembered something that did happen last year that I realize was
because of his then undiagnosed MM. His lips were chapped and his bottom lip split. The next
morning his lip was blown up like the guy who plays Bubba in "Forrest Gump". We were all
joking him about it and calling him names. It was all funny at the time but I now know this
was because he was really sick and had low white blood cells. It made me so sad to think
we were mocking him so bad and he was so sick and we didn't know it. We just got word last
week that a guy we know lost his battle with colon cancer. He was only 45 and has 3 kids,
the youngest being just 4 or 5. I didn't want to tell Tim but I myself hate to be patronized
and I knew he'd find out from someone else and figure out that I'd kept it from him so I
told him. It's impossible not to think about the what "ifs" when faced with this kind of reality.
When cancer touches your life, you feel like it's all you see or hear about. I am always hearing
of someone being diagnosed, dying, battling it and the worst stories are the little kids. When I
could give to charity, I always gave to St. Jude to help save those kids and kids everywhere.
Tim thinks he is going to do the mini-allo transplant. We are very scared but with the auto
not working, the docs feel this is really the best thing to do. They feel the failed SCT is not a
good sign. He will probably start Velcade in about 2 weeks and get his numbers down as low
as they'll go and then onto the mini-allo. I pray things go well. This is an excruciating decision
but I guess we are kinda more afraid not to do it when the docs talk to us about his case.
For now we are very busy renovating the apt. and running his business. I wish we had less
stress in our life but we just gotta get through all this. We hope to sneak in a quick trip to
Disneyworld before the real tough stuff starts. We'll see.