The ZERO club

Yesterday was Tim's first appt. in about 2 and 1/2 months. I was trying to prepare myself
for higher numbers. His M-spike had continued to go down the first month after stopping
Velcade to a really low .06 but after almost 4 months off treatment, I just knew it was gonna
be higher. I actually felt my heart skip a beat when the assistant handed me his lab results.
I looked at the CBC first and thought, wow for Tim, these numbers are good. Then I got to
his 3 pages of lab tests and could not find the listing for m-spike. It took me several minutes
and then I finally saw the 2 sentences that said there was no monoclonal protein present in
his blood or urine. The doc was still with other patients and I was so stunned that I was
afraid to tell Tim in case this was wrong. Finally after a few minutes of checking the name
on the tops of the pages and his test results from last time, I told him. When the doc started
looking at Tim's records at his little area in the hall, I said "Am I seeing things or does Tim
have a zero M-spike?" He said "I don't know, let me see" and he found the sheets in the
huge binder of Tim's records and said. "Yes" then true to form, he tried to pee on our
parade by saying, "This actually doesn't mean that much." and I looked that big oaf straight
in the eye and said "IT DOES TO US." We walked in there 18 months ago with Tim's
IGG over 10000 and his urine protein off the charts with an insurance company that
said, "we ain't paying for treatment." Tim could have died from the strep sepsis that put him
in intensive care and led to his diagnosis. He dragged himself through a stem cell transplant
that did not do squat and the doc says, this doesn't mean much. THINK AGAIN EINSTEIN!
I repeated what I said and he shut up. It's hard not to like this man but he could be
a little more hopeful for his patients. He was gonna have Tim get a Zometa treatment even
though it was a little early for that but we needed to get the heck out of dodge and celebrate
this without anything to screw it up. I said, "it's Labor Day weekend and even though those
treatments don't bother him, why now? We'll come back for it next month." He said OK and
we peeled out of there. He said we could decide when we wanted to come back for labs and
an appt. 2 months, 3. It's up to us. I'm thinking the year 3000 sounds good. So even though
Tim feels guarded about this and I guess I do too on some level, this is a place that many
MM patients never get to and I am grateful to God for this. So I say, "Scoot over all our remission and
ZERO club pals, we're in and we're looking to stay awhile!!!!!!!!! Happy Labor Day!!!

All's well that ends well

We just got in last night from Vermont. It's a good thing we went. The weather ended up
being great and I never would have heard the end of it if we did not go based on my idea
to skip it. Things actually went well with the in-laws. We had a good time. Olivia worked
at the dairy farm across the street every afternoon with the girls that live there. Their dad told
me he wants to hire her. She has no problem getting in there with the manure hoe and
mucking out stalls. She fed chickens and calves and picked veggies. She loves it and did not
want to come home. I golfed for the first time in 9 years. Luckily, I got some exercise doing
it and the views from this course are incredible because my score card was shameful. It
looked more like olympic gymnastic scores than golf scores. Tim and I got some real time
together canoeing at the lake, golfing and hanging out with some friends up there. I guess I
don't even realize how little time we spend without Livvy around us. This week, Tim will have
his labs drawn and next week he will have his first doctor appt. in over 2 months. As always,
I am nervous but it is what it is and I can't change anything so we'll hope for the best. He still
has some neuropathy in his legs and feet and I still hope that it goes away. It's a constant
reminder for him and makes me sad to see him in pain. People are always so shocked to see
him looking so well. We saw friends we haven't seen since May '07, and I guess everyone
just automatically thinks if you have cancer, you're gonna look it. He is tan and fit and looking
fine which is great for him. Not bad for me either, I might add. Well back to reality, as if I ever
left. I have so much to do, I hardly know where to start. I need a personal assistant big time!

Recipe for disaster

Well we were off to Vermont, then cancelled the trip and now we're off again. What a pickle.
The weather up there has been rain and more rain. We were gonna stay at my sister's place
but it was gonna be tight as my niece and other brother-in-law are there too and my sis has 2 very large, hairy(this is starting to sound gross) DOGS that would be wet, muddy and all over us
the whole time. One just rolled in a dead porcupine and spent half a day under anesthesia being
de-quilled. Yesterday my newest tenant just informed me he is moving to California for
a job and I am stuck with re-renting an apt. I just rented a few months ago. This darn rental
has been a royal pain. So Tim was not able to get any of his jobs to move into this week and I
will have to start showing the apartment next week. I could see Tim was not gonna get anything done on our house or the rental as he was moping about missing this trip so I said, the heck with it, let's go. His brother's family is leaving there tomorrow which makes enough room for us at his parent's house but this is probably the last thing I
need. I have been so tired and short-fused lately and putting me in a house full of in-laws
whilst looking out at the rain and having nothing to do with a kid who'll be bored is definitely
a bad mix. I have a really large bottle of Zinfandel around here somewhere that is going in with
the luggage and this week may be the week I start drinking. I'm bringing plenty of books but what I'll really need is earplugs and a muzzle. Hear no evil, speak no evil. Ah vacation. Dontcha
just love it?! There's gotta be a better way.

Birthday bloggin'

So today is the 15th anniversary of my 28th birthday. Everybody, including me, is playing the
lottery thinking that 8-8-08 must be some kinda lucky charm. I don't really believe in any
superstitions or what-not but since it is my birthday, I figured if I was ever gonna win, why not
today? Still trying to retire Tim. We just got back from 9 days at the Jersey shore. Tim, as usual,
did not want to come back. The man could live at the beach and Olivia is right there with him on
that. Me, I'm glad to be home and sleeping in my own bed though not for long. Tim decided to
take another week off so I'm doing the laundry marathon and re-packing and we'll
be off to Vermont for a week. OY!!! This girl has been packing and moving since two weeks ago.
We split our vaca between 2 different shore points and now it will be a 350 mile drive to VT.
I'm always wondering when MY vacation starts. I'm whooped. The whole in-law family is
up in Vermont at Tim's parents' house and the good news is.....we are staying at my sister's
house 20 minutes away!!! Like my other sister always says "Of all my husband's family, I like myself the best!" That sister, incidently, was born on my fourth b-day. So happy birthday to her too!!!
I am starting to see that vacation is actually harder for me than being home. As many wives
and moms know, it can be much more work and in my case, I am always so overwhelmingly
busy at home and I didn't realize how much it staved off all those sad and scary thoughts. There is
way too much time to think when you are not on the run constantly. But it's also hard to relax when
you have left behind a ton of things that need doing. I need to learn how to relax. I have decided to start an exercise program
when we get back and I hope I can do it. I need to start taking time for me and I've had 8 pounds creep on in the last 3 years and I'm not happy with them. I'm determined to get my
"six-pack" back and wear a bikini again. Well, I think I'm determined. We'll see.