Halloween storms

Well, last year we had the freak snow storm, with the leaves still on the trees, which brought down a lot of them in NJ, including one that fell on our rental house. This year, we have hurricane Sandy bearing down on us. Tim just went and bought a generator yesterday. Losing electric for a few hours is no biggie. A few days, now that's a nuisance, and you lose all your food, have no heat, etc. Folks are preparing around here.

Fair warning: boob talk coming up. I have an appt. early Tues morning at HUMC's breast center. It's been an aggravating week of phone calls trying to get this all set up. They requested my mammo and sonagram from 10/8 and decided they see something in the right breast they want to check out too. Been having trouble getting my gynecologist's office to write up a script because they have 2 different places requesting different follow-up tests. So, unless they lose power and cancel my appt.,
or we have a "state of emergency" where the cops want people to stay off the roads unless it's an emregency, I will be having extra mammo pics taken of my right breast, sonagram on both sides now, and needle biopsy, if needed. Lovely. 4 years ago, when I had a scare after a routine mammo, it ruined my holidays. It played out for 7 weeks, with me not getting the good news until just a few days before Christmas. I backed my mammo up this time, but will NEVER do it in Oct. again. Breast cancer awareness month means I've been bombarded with it, constantly, right down to my daughter wearing pink stuff while cheerleading and the football players too. Is there EVER a good time for a breast cancer scare though? I think not. I've stayed relatively calm, because I don't think anything they've seen is super suspicious, but am definitely getting more nervous as the date gets closer and am not happy that they found anything, let alone, 2 things now, 1 of which the first place never mentioned. Enough of that.

I tried to make this blog a little more private but right away got facebook messages from friends that couldn't get on. I had to ask Phil Brabbs to remove our "myeloma Monday" bio from his blog because even though I had him take our last name off it some time ago, the photo, or something, was still causing it to come up in a search of Tim's name and that's not good for business. I am not real great with computers. I tried a new setting on my blog which says it will keep it from coming up in search engines. I dunno. I REALLY don't want to go private. My networking with other MM patients and caregivers has been a huge part of my coping system while dealing with all this the last 5 1/2 + years. I suppose I have shared some really personal things, but so have others, and it really is pretty cathartic for me.

Speaking of catharsis, it was just one year since Tim's family blow-up. Sad to me. His parents have come to a few of the games that Olivia cheered at. We are civil. But, they missed a year of their son's and granddaughter's life. I think all the time, "was it worth it?" To get such nasty things off your chest, to kick people who were already down, to have to hurt someone else to make you feel better than them, out of sheer self-esteem issues? Was it worth it? I thought Tim would soften over time. He hasn't. He, instead, realized how much stress his family caused in our lives and has seen the benefit of not having that stress anymore.He simply doesn't want to deal with it anymore. Ya know, there comes a time, unfortunately, in some relationships, when you realize that the bad outweighs the good by quite a margin. People RARELY change. You have to decide whether it's something you can cope with, or not, and just how much damage they're causing you. In this case, it was quite a lot. I've said it before, and the therapist that I no longer see is convinced of it; these people took themselves out of our lives because they did not want to deal with Tim's mm. Maybe it was a subconscious thing, and they didn't realize that's what they were doing, but it's what they did. I don't think they're liking "sleeping in the bed" they made for themselves, but, they should have thought about the consequences before they said the things they said. Some bells just can't be un-rung.

So, enough of that too. I'm hoping this week is not too damaging to our state and the people in it, and that my tests come out OK, and that I can get on with my life, once again. Back to the normal difficultness that it is. What can ya do? Gotta play the cards we're dealt, as Tim always says.

OOPS, I didn't even realize I had not updated on Tim's MRI of his neck. Well, the GOOD news is it is not the MM. I was afraid of a lesion or plasmacytoma. The bad news is he has some real orthopedic issues there, which include spinal stenosis, and neck pain may be a part of his life now, in addition to chronic back pain. We have to go see an orthopedist, but are getting my stuff out of the way first. His profession really beat the heck out of his body. May have even caused this MM too. Last night we saw our friend's brother at the football game. Tim did his wood floors a couple of summers ago. He is around 50 and retired from being a cop. I told Tim, he shoulda become a cop. I told him that 20-something years ago. It's a good gig. Retire by 50 or so, great benefits. Not saying it's without its faults, but overall, a pretty good gig in small suburban towns like the ones around here.

Blog help

Hey y'all,

I just found out last night that a decorator that refers Tim googled his name to get his phone number
and found my blog. She did not know about his MM before this. I have no idea how many times
this has happened, possibly costing him work, and don't know HOW it happened, since I don't use
our last name on my blog. I have not wanted to take the blog private because I don't want to lose
touch with anyone who reads/comments etc. I may have no choice. Anyone know how this could happen? And, if you come to check in and I've gone private, PLEASE apply to be a follower. I am
not a computer whiz and don't know how to set this up.

Just hate mammograms

They say, 'round here anyway, that after 40, you should have a mammogram every year. Scary thing to take on every year. Some of you may remember my last mammo fiasco of 2008. Maybe not. Reader's digest version. Mammo saw something, first radiologist hit the panic button. told me I needed another mammo and MRI of both breasts. Never even heard of MRI'ing breasts. Went to a new place, did follow-up pictures and that radiologist told me it was fine, dense breasts. My gyn was still hitting the panic button. I wound up in the hospital 5 or 6 days before Christmas having a sonagram on my left breast, after seeing a breast surgeon who said, "'lets just and get it done and make sure it's nothing." After realizing the tech was measuring things in my left breast, I felt sure I was about to be told I had breast cancer (this was at the end of a nightmare year, actually 2 years, for me) and I burst into tears when she told me it was water cysts and I was OK. I went back a year or so later and have not been since 2010. I went yesterday. What a disaster. Waited a long time to hear the results. This place keeps you there, sitting in your tiny curtained dressing stall, in a gown, waiting for the report.The girls says they need more pics of my left breast. GREAT. Takes 6 more scans, the last 2 being pretty painful. Then, wait again. Now they want a sonagram. I'm about ready to cry. I'm alone. Tim is at Liv's football game watching her cheer.I have the sonagram. The radiologist comes in with the tech and tells me they see 2 tiny complex cysts in my breast. He says they don't exhibit a lot of the things that look cancerous. He said they are perfectly round, have no calcifications, show no evidence of having their own blood supply and appear completely, neatly encapsulated. Says come back in 6 months for a re-check. I then tell him, "Look, my husband has multiple myeloma, we have a 14 year old daughter, are you sure that you are very comfortable with me coming back in 6 months, knowing what's at stake here." He said yes. They leave, after the tech tells me(even though she's not supposed to)" I've been doing this 17 years, I don't see anything here that worries me." I go to the bathroom, and get my shirt on. There is a knock at the door. The doc comes in, says he has looked again, and there is one thing he wants to check again, in light of my situation. They re-sonagram my breast, both of them. The one cyst is 3 mm, the other, 8 or 9. The larger one has one side that is slightly denser or something and he now wants me to have a guided needle biopsy just to be sure. He said he is still not very concerned but wants to be extra careful due to my situation. LOVELY. Well, I do tell them this so that nothing is overlooked. I know I risk this type of extra vigilance. I don't even remember the drive home(it's only a few miles) but not good nonetheless. So, after a night in shock, I have calmed down and am trying to just get on with it. Tim goes for an MRI of his neck tomorrow. Still hurting him after over a month and he got rear-ended in my car last week, making it worse. Not a bad rear-ending, but enough to make the neck worse. I have to sit in the same dreaded radiology place with him when all I wanted to do was run outta there the other night after a 2 hour ordeal there. I handle the stress of waiting much better than I did years ago, as I've said before. Not gonna change anything. Talked to my sis, who used to have cysts and she said it sounds just like hers.
So, there you have it; another hurdle and health scare in the mix. Gosh, am I sick of them. So, any prayers, good vibes, and well-intentioning are all greatly appreciated. I will keep you posted.