The 23rd was 2 years since the big blowup with Tim's family. Also his parents' wedding anniversary.
Hard to imagine 2 years has blown by. 2 years of them hardly knowing us. I saw them for the first time in over 5 months last weekend. Dropped Liv off for a visit and talked to them for a few minutes when I picked her up. They came to a JV football game on Monday but my parents were there too so they talked to them most of the time. We were all at a varsity game last night that Liv was cheering at. I don't know if they realized my parents were there, as well as my sister Lori, who they are best friends with, but they did not look for us in the stands and sat somewhere else. We didn't even know they were there until we saw them walk out before the game ended. It was a shutout. We beat them soundly and it was cold so I guess they split because of that. Oh well. Is what it is. It's such a weird situation, but, the one thing I don't think any one of them realized, was that they are such toxic people, that many people find their quality of life is better not being around them. I used to feel some guilt over this. I don't anymore. I have NEVER said or done anything to those people like they said and did to me, and my family. I put up with this for 20 years. They were warned that we'd had enough. And, honestly, my husband is just about the most easy-going guy you would ever meet. If you hit his breaking point, man that is really saying something. That guy lets things roll off better than the majority of people. I hit my breaking point MANY times with his family. But, with Tim, when he hit it, he was done. And with me, I turn the other cheek SO MANY TIMES in relationships that if you use up all those "second chances" you really made your own bed. I still feel bad for Tim and Liv. It's too bad that these people showed them, over and over again, how very low on their priority list they were. Very sad, especially considering our circumstances. But, they did, and we got the message, and we decided to bump them down our own priority list. The result was, we got rid of a lot of negativity and aggravation from our lives. I could never stand being estranged from my own kid. But, I guess their need to blame others for everything and not take responsibility for what they did is more important to them. Takes all kinds, I always say. I saw this post on the MM facebook support group from a woman whose husband has MM and she was ranting about the people, even family, that backed out on them. I thought, "yep, been there, done that." A friend of mine put this quote on her facebook the other day. It said, "The only people I owe my loyalty to, are those who never made me question theirs." How fitting.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Sunday, October 20, 2013
3 cheers for STABLE
Tim had his quarterly appointment on Friday. He remains stable at .20 M-spike. Thanks be to GOD.
This appointment sets the tone for our holiday season so I am thrilled that it went well, but, then again, I always am. Unfortunately, someone I really care about was diagnosed with prostate cancer a week and a half ago and I am now worried about him. I tell ya, you just can't get away from this cancer nonsense. This one shocked me. I really thought his biopsy was going to be negative. His PSA
isn't even out of normal range for a man his age. It just rose a bit from the last one and they ordered a biopsy. He goes tomorrow for scans to be sure it is confined to just the prostate and has not spread. I sure pray that it has not. UGH!!!
On other news, Liv sprained her ankle in gym class. I have a big toe injury that I got from being stupid, as in catching for Liv while she practiced softball pitching, whilst I was wearing flip-flops. Won't be doing that again. We are busy doing the football and cheerleading thing 3 times a week. On Mondays, Liv is cheerleading captain for the JV squad and we go to the JV games. On Friday nights, we go see our varsity team play. They are whomping butt this year. Then, on Saturday nights, Liv coaches the cheerleaders for our youth football league, who are generally getting their butts whomped. It's a good kind of busy, and when it's over in Nov., we don't have much to do.
Tim is still REALLY busy at work. Golfing today for only the second time this season, which stinks.
I am taking a 9 week financial course of Dave Ramsey's and it has made me worry about money even more. Did ya ever sit down and figure out how much money goes out every month? Don't. It's damn scary!!! I've warned Liv that if she asks me for a smart phone one more time, she's in BIG trouble.
Basically, things are rolling along in our "normal" fashion. Nothing gets done around the house. We're not doing what we WANT to do, and are bogged down in all the stuff we HAVE to do. Just
"business as usual" around here. Trying to find joy in the monotony, I guess. Such is life.
Happy autumn!
This appointment sets the tone for our holiday season so I am thrilled that it went well, but, then again, I always am. Unfortunately, someone I really care about was diagnosed with prostate cancer a week and a half ago and I am now worried about him. I tell ya, you just can't get away from this cancer nonsense. This one shocked me. I really thought his biopsy was going to be negative. His PSA
isn't even out of normal range for a man his age. It just rose a bit from the last one and they ordered a biopsy. He goes tomorrow for scans to be sure it is confined to just the prostate and has not spread. I sure pray that it has not. UGH!!!
On other news, Liv sprained her ankle in gym class. I have a big toe injury that I got from being stupid, as in catching for Liv while she practiced softball pitching, whilst I was wearing flip-flops. Won't be doing that again. We are busy doing the football and cheerleading thing 3 times a week. On Mondays, Liv is cheerleading captain for the JV squad and we go to the JV games. On Friday nights, we go see our varsity team play. They are whomping butt this year. Then, on Saturday nights, Liv coaches the cheerleaders for our youth football league, who are generally getting their butts whomped. It's a good kind of busy, and when it's over in Nov., we don't have much to do.
Tim is still REALLY busy at work. Golfing today for only the second time this season, which stinks.
I am taking a 9 week financial course of Dave Ramsey's and it has made me worry about money even more. Did ya ever sit down and figure out how much money goes out every month? Don't. It's damn scary!!! I've warned Liv that if she asks me for a smart phone one more time, she's in BIG trouble.
Basically, things are rolling along in our "normal" fashion. Nothing gets done around the house. We're not doing what we WANT to do, and are bogged down in all the stuff we HAVE to do. Just
"business as usual" around here. Trying to find joy in the monotony, I guess. Such is life.
Happy autumn!
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Craig
I went to Craig's memorial service on Thursday night. I had a class that night for this financial program I signed up for through my church, but, this was more important. I was a bit nervous. This was way too close to home, as I've said, with his daughter being the same age as Liv and this being the first service I was going to for a multiple myeloma friend. I was afraid I was going to have a real hard time keeping it together. I'm not fond of wakes. Who is. I think they are brutal on the family. I really hate open casket ones. It's different if someone has had a long life, but, when someone dies in their prime, I'm not sure if seeing people come out to pay respects is enough to sooth the pain of standing next to your loved one's lifeless body. As it turned out, though this service was held at a funeral parlor, they did not have Craig's body there. I was relieved, mostly for his family. There were photos all over, items of his, flowers, and a big screen TV with photos for people to watch. I came out of this service just amazed. I have only known Craig since his dx in 2008. My family went to his house once. But, I did not know about his life much before his diagnosis. He graduated with TWO degrees from MIT. Was a member of Mensa.
He LOVED travelling and had visited 47 states, and 36 countries on 6 different continents. The pictures were nothing short of amazing. He rock climbed, scuba dived, he did it all. His whole life was a "bucket list." I could point at 20 people right now, and all of them combined would not have had the life experiences this one man did in his 59 years here. I was both glad to see this, that he had lived SO fully and explored SO much, packing so much into those 59 years, but also sad, because this was a man that was really making it count and he was so amazing and out-going. It was obvious that he made life exciting for those around him. What a tremendous loss to those who knew and loved him. I found myself wishing I had known him better. Despite all that, this was a man who had his demons. He told me once that he suffered from depression for years. Some of those trips were spiritual quests, trips he made searching for inner peace. Even more amazing that someone who struggled with depression still lived like he did. His wife, Leslie, and daughter, Elizabeth, did really well during this service. That's why I could hold it together. If other people cry, it gets me going. They were very strong. Still, very hard to look at Elizabeth and not feel just as I do for Liv. You got ripped off, kid. And, despite Craig having all these wonderful experiences, he was not done. He had a daughter to finish raising and a lot more he wanted to do. They had a trip booked for Paris that they had to cancel. He had not completed his "bucket list." I came home and spoke to Tim about it. I said, "this sucks, we're doing nothing with our lives." He said, "Denise, they had a lot of money and he could afford to take a lot of time off and pay for all those trips. That's just not how it is for most people." He's right, but, I looked at those pics with Elizabeth in them and thought of how badly I want my kid to see things I saw in this country by the time I was her age. I don't need to go to Thailand and all those exotic places, though there are some countries I wouldn't mind seeing. Ireland, Italy. But, I wish I could just rent an RV and take Tim and Liv across country to see the national parks and all that. I talked to Tim about doing a trip in this country for his 50th instead of some island,(I'm kinda nervous about going somewhere with sub-par medical care) but he seems to want to do the island thing. Oh well. I read something a LONG time ago and never forgot it. It said, "money can't buy happiness, but it can sure make misery a lot easier to deal with."
He LOVED travelling and had visited 47 states, and 36 countries on 6 different continents. The pictures were nothing short of amazing. He rock climbed, scuba dived, he did it all. His whole life was a "bucket list." I could point at 20 people right now, and all of them combined would not have had the life experiences this one man did in his 59 years here. I was both glad to see this, that he had lived SO fully and explored SO much, packing so much into those 59 years, but also sad, because this was a man that was really making it count and he was so amazing and out-going. It was obvious that he made life exciting for those around him. What a tremendous loss to those who knew and loved him. I found myself wishing I had known him better. Despite all that, this was a man who had his demons. He told me once that he suffered from depression for years. Some of those trips were spiritual quests, trips he made searching for inner peace. Even more amazing that someone who struggled with depression still lived like he did. His wife, Leslie, and daughter, Elizabeth, did really well during this service. That's why I could hold it together. If other people cry, it gets me going. They were very strong. Still, very hard to look at Elizabeth and not feel just as I do for Liv. You got ripped off, kid. And, despite Craig having all these wonderful experiences, he was not done. He had a daughter to finish raising and a lot more he wanted to do. They had a trip booked for Paris that they had to cancel. He had not completed his "bucket list." I came home and spoke to Tim about it. I said, "this sucks, we're doing nothing with our lives." He said, "Denise, they had a lot of money and he could afford to take a lot of time off and pay for all those trips. That's just not how it is for most people." He's right, but, I looked at those pics with Elizabeth in them and thought of how badly I want my kid to see things I saw in this country by the time I was her age. I don't need to go to Thailand and all those exotic places, though there are some countries I wouldn't mind seeing. Ireland, Italy. But, I wish I could just rent an RV and take Tim and Liv across country to see the national parks and all that. I talked to Tim about doing a trip in this country for his 50th instead of some island,(I'm kinda nervous about going somewhere with sub-par medical care) but he seems to want to do the island thing. Oh well. I read something a LONG time ago and never forgot it. It said, "money can't buy happiness, but it can sure make misery a lot easier to deal with."
Sunday, October 6, 2013
The hits keep coming
Been a tough week. Too many bad news items to even share them all. Then, Friday, I checked my e-mail and saw one from Craig's wife saying he had died that day. So sad. Impossible not to think about so many people I've met, whether in person or via the internet, who are not with us anymore.
In this case, also impossible not to think about my own family and Craig's 15 year old daughter. My heart hurts this week. Badly. Last Sunday, we went to the 5th annual survivors celebration that our cancer center puts on. It was a splendid day at Liberty State Park. Had a front row seat to see Gloria
Gaynor perform. But, you are surrounded by several thousand people who are either cancer patients or caregivers and family members. Such an epidemic. Tim has his blood draw this Friday and his check-up on the 18th. I got my physical done last week and wished I could change the first name on my lab reports, slip them into Tim's file, and have his docs tell us to go home and that we need never come back. Just seems like so much heartache all around me. A friend called me yesterday. Her son has diabetes and her husband has MS. Also have a daughter that is a softball pitcher, like Liv. They are already in serious financial trouble and may even lose their house and this past week, they found out her husband may be let go from his job of over 30 years. I vividly remember Michael J. Fox saying that he didn't feel sorry for himself, he felt sorry for people who had illnesses befall them that had to worry about money and health insurance on top of it. It's true. What happened to him is awful, but, he knows his family will be fine, financially anyway, and he is spared that worry. They're rich. The rest of us are stuck worrying about money, not living each day the way we'd like to be, watching days tick off the allotment we are given just trying to stay above water financially. While I realize that my family is in better shape than others, I also know how quickly that could change when Tim can't work anymore.
And, here we are, living in one of the most expensive areas of the country. I got my new property tax bill the other day. Just shy of 9600 dollars a year. Works out to 796 a month. How crazy is that? They are re-evaluating this year and who knows, may go higher still. Rises every year as it is. What do we do? Move? My husband's business is here, his doctors are here, and our support system is here, what there is of it. Speaking of support, my mom is getting worse quickly. My dad is STILL dragging his feet about leaving work. My sister had to call my mom's doctor and tell her exactly what's going on because we know she is not getting the whole story. Doctor told my mom she has to stop driving. My dad refuses to push the issue with her. Doesn't like confrontation. Honestly, he has to step up. It does stink what is going on with them, but, from my point of view, hey, at least the "in sickness and in health" stuff waited until they were in their 70's, and their kids were raised, and they had guaranteed health insurance. Tim and I were not nearly that "lucky." So much to worry about. Oh well, another week starts today. Hope it's a far sight better than the last one. Here's a pic of us by Lady Liberty last week.
In this case, also impossible not to think about my own family and Craig's 15 year old daughter. My heart hurts this week. Badly. Last Sunday, we went to the 5th annual survivors celebration that our cancer center puts on. It was a splendid day at Liberty State Park. Had a front row seat to see Gloria
Gaynor perform. But, you are surrounded by several thousand people who are either cancer patients or caregivers and family members. Such an epidemic. Tim has his blood draw this Friday and his check-up on the 18th. I got my physical done last week and wished I could change the first name on my lab reports, slip them into Tim's file, and have his docs tell us to go home and that we need never come back. Just seems like so much heartache all around me. A friend called me yesterday. Her son has diabetes and her husband has MS. Also have a daughter that is a softball pitcher, like Liv. They are already in serious financial trouble and may even lose their house and this past week, they found out her husband may be let go from his job of over 30 years. I vividly remember Michael J. Fox saying that he didn't feel sorry for himself, he felt sorry for people who had illnesses befall them that had to worry about money and health insurance on top of it. It's true. What happened to him is awful, but, he knows his family will be fine, financially anyway, and he is spared that worry. They're rich. The rest of us are stuck worrying about money, not living each day the way we'd like to be, watching days tick off the allotment we are given just trying to stay above water financially. While I realize that my family is in better shape than others, I also know how quickly that could change when Tim can't work anymore.
And, here we are, living in one of the most expensive areas of the country. I got my new property tax bill the other day. Just shy of 9600 dollars a year. Works out to 796 a month. How crazy is that? They are re-evaluating this year and who knows, may go higher still. Rises every year as it is. What do we do? Move? My husband's business is here, his doctors are here, and our support system is here, what there is of it. Speaking of support, my mom is getting worse quickly. My dad is STILL dragging his feet about leaving work. My sister had to call my mom's doctor and tell her exactly what's going on because we know she is not getting the whole story. Doctor told my mom she has to stop driving. My dad refuses to push the issue with her. Doesn't like confrontation. Honestly, he has to step up. It does stink what is going on with them, but, from my point of view, hey, at least the "in sickness and in health" stuff waited until they were in their 70's, and their kids were raised, and they had guaranteed health insurance. Tim and I were not nearly that "lucky." So much to worry about. Oh well, another week starts today. Hope it's a far sight better than the last one. Here's a pic of us by Lady Liberty last week.
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