Let it snow, my patooty

This was the view a few hours ago looking up my street. We had gotten about 9 inches by this time. We have over a foot now and it's still coming down. We've done the front sidewalk and walks about 5 times now. I like snow but this is more than we need. Both our house and our

rental have huge driveways(by Jersey suburb standards) and we are wet and feeling our age

right now and we'll be doing it all over again either late tonight or tomorrow morning. Penned

this little tune today. Sung to the melody of "Home on the Range"

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"Oh give me a home

Where the snowmen don't roam

Where the flowers and the beach grasses grow.

Where seldom is heard

Weather's four letter word

Yessirree, I am talkin' 'bout SNOW!

Home, home in the north

Where the snow and the sleet doth burst forth

Where snow blowers roar

And our backs are all sore

They closed school, now the kids whine they're bored!!! "

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I couldn't think of another "orth" word.

Stay warm y'all.

I bet I don't lose a single ounce doing all this work! :o(

Livin' life 90 days at a time

Today was Tim's 3 month check-up. The news continues to be good, great actually. He is still immunofixation negative for monoclonal protein. WOO-HOO!!! We met several couples there, one that we
have not seen in quite awhile now that our visits are not nearly as frequent as they used to
be. People are shocked to hear he is in a CR and off meds for going on 2 years now. I think
it spooked Tim a bit to hear how surprised they are but I assured him that I know others,
especially from the Acor list, that went into CR's from Velcade and stayed off meds. But
I did tell him that I'm not taking it for granted and I'm thanking God everyday that we
have gotten this chance to live as normal a life as we can when MM is part of it. I was very saddened to see a woman that I have not seen in awhile who is having a really hard time
right now. Her husband just had open-heart surgery and she took a very bad turn with
her disease. Her husband kept saying how quickly things turned for her and that is a scary
thing to hear. I hope her new protocol turns things around for her. Anyway, so we breath a
little easy now until May when we do it all over again. We know we're lucky, or blessed, but
as I've always said, it's all relative. There's a lot of people who would trade places with us,
then again, there's a whole lot who would not. For some reason, this hand was dealt to us
and we're playin' it the best way we can. What else can ya do? Wishing peace and a happy Valentine's Day to all our friends in blogland. As for us, we're thanking God and preparing
for more snow. Yippee!

And I thought I was going to be teaching my child about life

I am a relatively bright person. If IQ tests have any merit, I'm a genius(please understand I
am laughing as I type that.) But I never knew how much I was going to learn from my kid
instead of the other way around. I had visions of teaching her all the things in life that I learned
the hard way and thinking she was gonna be at such an advantage to be saved making the same
errors I have. You know all those sayings, "too late smart" and all that. I so wish I knew then
what I know now and can't help but be a little bummed thinking of the pain and aggravation
I might have spared myself if I had learned a few lessons earlier than I did. Spilled milk, water over the damn etc. But, just like her dad, Olivia seems to prefer not to listen to me until it actually proves true by her own experience(a real drag when she does something I've warned her not to and suffers the consequences but I guess lessons stick more when learned first hand, one could hope).But isn't it amazing how much you learn from your kid(s)? Unfortunately for them, you learn a lot of it when you realize
you made an error in your parenting and then correct yourself.(I try to save for college AND
psychotherapy) ;o). I am learning more and more however and since she is a pretty darn good
kid, I guess I'm not botching it too badly. Tim and I seem to be a good blend. I am the more cerebral but also more intense one. Translated: I'm the one with the anxiety issues. He is the more laid back one and smart in other ways that I am not. He is courageous. I am yella but we do a good job of filling the gaps for each other and there's not a lot of head-butting going on when you have your "job descriptions" set out and agreed upon with no interference. By the
grace of God, Olivia seems to have grabbed the best from both of us and is smart, yet fun-loving
and courageous. She reminds me of what the bible says about haiving faith like children. Some of us
adults just analyze the living c*** out of everything where as to a child, it's all pretty cut and dry. Life
is so simple to them. At least when they're young anyway. There's a trust and innocence that
us big folks have lost along the way. Sometimes we make things more complicated than they
need to be. I've mentioned before that I stumbled onto a blog about neuroblastoma which is
a devastating childhood cancer. I've followed it for awhile as well as a few others that are linked
to it. The courage of these little kids is awe-inspiring to say the least. The lessons they are teaching the adults in their lives is amazing. It makes me wonder if God puts people with illness
and disabilities on this earth for the sole purpose of teaching us about what is important. How we
are supposed to live our lives. What courage, faith, and real love really are. The boy from this blog is 5 and has been fighting NB since he was 7 months old. He's had over 50 rounds of chemo
treatments. His parents are trying to raise money to help find a cure for this cruel cancer and there is little government funding that goes towards the research needed. Yet he just told his parents he wants to take some of the money out of the spare change jar they collect for the
NB Alliance and send it to Haiti because he said"those kids need help too." Amazing. Where a lot of people are up in arms about the U.S. sending money and supplies over there when we can hardly take care of ourselves, this kid just knows that even though he needs help, other kids do too and they deserve it as well. We can
learn a lot from kids. You're a smart adult if you realize that.
Song for the day: "God's Will" by Martina McBride. Will is this little boy's name and it's an incredible song that reminds me of him. Google the video, but grab your kleenex first.

Moving on

Well I sold Tim's old truck. I have to admit, we are bumming a little. He just loved this
truck. It's got that old Ford, squared-off, masculine look and we bought it when we
were planning to have Olivia. It was what she came home from the hospital in when she
was born and
a lot of "family firsts" happened with that rig. Tim is fussy about his trucks and the
first guy who came to see it snapped it up and he is a HAPPY man. He picks it up
tomorrow. A somewhat unexpected snow today pushed it off a day. Tim said that
this new truck certainly takes the sting out of saying goodbye to the old one and I agree.
In myeloma news, we go for Tim's lab draw and then an appointment in these next 2 weeks.
We go every three months since he has been in CR. So different from when we were there
SO MUCH that we felt like we never left. Even when not on Velcade which brought us there
twice a week, when you are being checked monthly, you have 2 visits a month and even
that seems like you are always sweating things out thinking of them. I'm still doing a VERY
poor job of taking care of me and I'm feeling it. I NEED to start exercising. I have gained more
weight and though not heavy, this is heavy for me and most clothes either don't fit or don't
feel comfortable. I am exhausted all the time. I must say though that Tim's being in CR for this long as well as things going relatively
smoothly at our rental property has been a big help with my quality of life. I still find that
I get really angry when faced with unexpected disappointments with people in our life but
I guess you're always gonna have that. Though I may vent like crazy, I do try to always take
the high road. Quite frankly, I cannot find it in me to treat people the way I have been treated
at times in my life and I know that is a good thing. I also think that about the only thing you
can do is try to limit your exposure to people like this. I'm long past thinking that people change
and I really do not need the added stress in my life.
But I often seem to use the phrase, "it never ceases to amaze me" about the things people do, say and
the levels they stoop to. Luckily though, as I have said in the past, just when I think I want to
move to a deserted island, I meet someone or have something happen that restores my faith.
I have been going to bible classes on Wednesdays. It's just me and a small group of older women.
I feel at peace just sitting in church and being surrounded by these faithful folks. In March, it
will be 3 years since Tim's diagnosis. I feel like I am on much firmer ground since that year as
well as the very stressful 2008. I do not cry as much by far. Oh I still can start the waterworks
pretty easily if I think too much or the wrong song comes on the radio but I know that I need to
stay strong and frequent breakdowns used to wear me out. I can't say you ever accept it 100 percent but you do get to a place where you know this is your journey now and you have to make the best of it. I am always very grateful that Tim miraculously reached and maintained
a CR and do not take that for granted for a second. I am still planning a few family trips to try
to make the most of it too. The time is flying and I don't want to waste it. It's an eerie feeling though to be here. I wonder if I am getting complacent. Is there something I should be doing
to prepare for that other shoe dropping? I just don't know. Sometimes I ask myself if I have
really come to terms with this or if I'm in some kind of denial. One thing I do realize though is
that the controlling part of you wants to prepare and then the rational side of you realizes
that there's really no way to do that. How do you batten down the hatches for the unknown
and never before experienced scenerios that might or might not happen soon or far off in the
future. What a limbo this is. Hard to get used to it but the way it is nonetheless. Tim turns
46 next week. A blessing to say the least. I guess I still have work to do to get to that
"living in the moment" thing. As always, a work in progress.

Damn this war

I just found out today that our town will be having a procession Thursday to escort the body of a
25 year old marine home who just died last Thursday. I've met this guy. Some years ago,
I parted with my beloved turbo Mustang and it was he who bought it as his first car. We know his mom and stepfather too. He was married and now a young wife and whole family are devastated. He was just a few months away from coming back home to become a drill instructor.
He loved the marines and did 3 tours in Iraq. He was in Afghanistan now and just recently found out he was going to get a bronze star because he ran into heavy arms fire to rescue his superior officer who stepped on a mine. He
and another marine tied off the bleeding in what was left of the man's legs and carried him
out, saving his life. Now he stepped on a device himself and lost his young life. I just don't know
how the heck we are ever going to get ourselves out of these wars. It's so sad. I can't think of
anything more selfless than laying down your life like that for the freedoms of millions of people
you don't even know. Rest in Peace Sgt. Chris Hrbek. U.S.M.C.

Empty nesting

Well, we have made it through Olivia's first trip away from home. The sixth grade class in her
school goes away for a 2-night, 3 day trip to the Catskills every year. They go cross-country skiing, tubing, indoor rock climbing etc. Normally, I would chaperone a trip like this but when
these plans were made, Swine-flu hysteria was in full swing and neither Tim nor Olivia had the
shot by then so I felt the less exposure our family got during this cold and flu season, the better. This was also a great opportunity
to give Olivia a little independence and make her take responsibility for herself which is
a large part of the reason for this trip anyway. It was a little easier on us, separation wise,
as we had to drive her there because of her motion sickness. So she took dramamine each way
(it is a 2 hour ride) and was darn glad she did not take the bus when we heard of the puking
stories as soon as they arrived. We got to see the place and I think it helped Olivia with homesickness, though she has never had a big problem with it anyway, to have us drive her there and pick her up. This was a heavily chaperoned trip both by school staff and
parents so I had a woman or two that I knew going on the trip who would keep an eye on her.
I was half expecting to have Liv come home with empty luggage. She is terrible about keeping
track of her belongings. She has lost more things and we have turned around more times after
leaving somewhere because she leaves things behind constantly. So I packed her very lightly.
I told her that if she forgot something and it did not make it home, it would not be replaced,
least not on my dime. I know this sounds awful rigid but if you knew the amount of times she
has lost things and the very little progress she has made at improving, it's really a necessary thing to let her know that we are not going to keep buying things to replace what she has absentmindedly lost again. She kept asking if she could take this and that and I refused. I warned
her that taking all these meaningful things with her just put them at risk of being forgotten or
even stolen. Well everything went well. Tim was off work so I was not that lonely. We took the
opportunity to take our employee(he's family to us) and his girlfriend out to dinner and the only
thing that stinks is that we felt so left out. We missed getting to see Olivia ski and rock climb for
the first time and that's not something we're used to. A lot of the kids were homesick. Of course,
the boys were acting silly and throwing snowballs at the girls' cabin windows, led by one of the dads I believe. As far as I can tell, everything made it home and I told Olivia how proud I was that she did such a great job. The one unfortunate thing was a brat that we have had trouble with before decided it
would be fun if her and her friend started screaming at Olivia and her friend that a coyote was
there and coming after them. My poor kid ran for her life only to find out it was a lie and she was
quite shook up by the event. This brat needs some serious discipline and I'm debating talking to
the principal about it. She's always causing trouble. Though I told Olivia that she has to start taking everything this girl says with a grain of salt, of course being out there in that wilderness with turkeys and deer all about, she was so out of her element that she figured it could
be true. This is where being a chaperone is tricky with me. That girl would have gotten a heckuva talking to from me whether my kid was involved or not. I have little patience for bullies and low-down mean behavior. Oh well. There's one in every crowd I always say. We are glad to have
ol' twinkle toes home. I hate walking past her empty bedroom at night and it's one thing when she's at a sleepover 5 minutes away, quite different when she's up in the mountains 2 hours
away. I can really understand how folks can get into a funk when their kids go off to college or
move out. I better make sure I have some well established hobbies by then or I'll go bonkers
for certain.

Denise the computer challanged successfully posts a photo. It's a Christmas miracle.

Well, I finally did it. Uploaded a photo. Here are Tim and Olivia with Tim's new ride.

Wow, this was the most fun ever surprising him for Christmas. It is not an easy "row to hoe" trying to get one over on Tim. He always guesses. He never imagined I would go this far.

This past X-mas was our 25th together. Unbelievable how fast the time goes. We just got back from our first road trip in the "family truckster". She rides like a dream and the inside of the

cab is huge. Our little Livvy was just lost in the back seat, it is so roomy. We took a few days

and went up to the Berkshire mountains in western Mass. Tim and I went there several times

years ago when a family friend owned a B & B up there and I have to say it is one of the most

beautiful areas I have ever seen. The houses are just stunning. Tim and I are into the old

architectural styles. The landscapes are even prettier. We got more snow while we were up

there and I swear it was like driving through a Christmas card scene. If ya ever get the chance

to visit the Stockbridge/Lenox Mass. area, I highly recommend it. Happy New Year y'all!!