Bad days

Slammed doors-hurt feelings-selfishness.

Old wounds-backstabbing-lack of respect.

Obnoxious in-laws, fair-weather friends, fights about money.

16 years under construction-blue tape

cursing-yelling-being taken for granted.

Did I mention selfishness?

Folks dying around me-hormones-family rifts.

Straws and camels' backs.

Troubles you can't run from.

Questions that have no answers.

Fates that make no sense.

Children who suffer-mourning-CANCER.

Scapegoats-irresponsibility-jealousy.

Weight gain-lack of sleep-high blood pressure.

Skinny jeans collecting dust.

The almighty dollar-greed-recession.

Betrayal-lies-SELFISHNESS.

Bad tenants-teachers who shouldn't be.

Bullies-nice guys finishing last.

Plane tickets to I don't know where.

Disappointment- depression-mental fatigue.

Nobody listens to me!

Scary futures-sad pasts-desperately hard todays.

It's been a hard freekin' week, I wanna run away, and unfortunately, a pint of Ben & Jerry's just can't solve it all.

Thankful Thursday, a day late

Well yesterday was a success. The food turned out well and everyone had a nice

time. It was not a big crowd(11 including us) but enough to make it a party. It rained here but not until the afternoon and so Macy's in NYC got their parade in and we watch

it every year whilst getting ready for company. So here are the things I am thankful for concerning yesterday.

1. That I used a meat thermometer in the bird which was done 2 HOURS before it was supposed to be. I really have to get an oven thermometer. I think my temp is way off.

2. The gravy worked!!! Ya know how sometimes it thickens and other times not? Well it was a

smashing success yesterday.

3. That my nephew and the dog did not get into any real scuffles. He thinks kicking her is funny.

She's not smart enough to stay away. When you tell him to stop, he sticks his fingers in his ears so he can't hear you and says, "I not doing anyfing." Like the puppy, he's too darn cute to stay mad at.

4. That I did not eat too much to make myself feel sick but nonetheless, thank goodness for stretch fabric pants.

5. That out of the million pictures that were taken with 3 cameras of the 3 of us and the dog, we

have ONE that will be good enough for a Christmas card photo. Unnerving how hard it is to get a good photo of us.

And to get down to the serious stuff.

I am thankful to have my husband here. Having just heard of another devastating loss of a

valiant and beautiful man to MM, not a day goes by when I don't realize how blessed we are to

have Tim doing well.

I'm so glad my parents are here. I know that not everyone gets to have their folks around into their own middle age so I am so thankful for that.

I'm grateful that during this economic depression, my family is all doing OK. Many are not and that is very sad indeed.

Things are not perfect around here to be sure. It still hits me like a ton of bricks all the time what the reality of our situation truly is. I am amazed that the 3 of us are able to live a somewhat normal life despite that but it really is due to the remission. I know that someday, this reprieve will end, but if cancer does anything positive, it makes you look real hard at your blessings. You don't take even the simple things for granted. I am saddened by the rifts that are in both of our families right now but realize that we do have to keep ourselves away from negative people that bring us down. I am glad that we have others in our family, neighbors, and friends who are all so supportive. It is very hard to always feel thankful when the cancer cloud hangs over your head but one learns that the price of not counting your blessings and finding some kind of peace is to go to a place emotionally that none of us want to go to. 2010 has been a pretty good year for us. A far sight better than a few of the years before it. I hope that 2011 is just as good and I sure hope these scientists that are working so hard to find the cure for MM are gaining on their goal FAST.

Today, we decorate the house for Christmas. I just love days like this. Happy holidays y'all!!!

Puppy pix

So Ms. Computer Illiterate finally stumbled upon how to get my new computer to read our cameras. It was pure, dumb luck. Here are some shots of Lacey or as I commonly call her

Miss Trouble. She was just 7 pounds when we got her at the end of Aug. and could barely jump

up a step as it was as tall as her. Now she weighs about twice that and reaches the kitchen table

on her tippy toes and can jump on the sofa and our beds. Hard to stay mad at her though with

this little face. I love the skunk stripe down the back of her neck. And when her tail is wagging

fast, it looks like she is waving the white flag. She definitely got on the cute line twice but we're starting to wish she had at least made it to the brains line one time.

Landlording again

So one of my tenants gave notice the other day. I am thrilled. He does not "play well with others" and has been a decent tenant in some ways but a pain in the arse in others. He was supposed to give 60 days notice to end his tenancy and didn't but I'm glad to be rid of him and
it's a Christmas gift to us and the upstairs tenant, who he has driven nuts, that he will be gone
by mid Dec. I've gotten a ton of action on the place from a Craigslist ad but so many people have
pets and I'm not going there. We showed the place to a couple last night. They loved it and said
they definitely wanted it. Funny how now that it comes down to listing references and checking their credit, all
the sudden they changed their minds. I've seen this happen a few times now. Sometimes I tell
people on the phone before I even show the place so I'm not wasting my time. I actually had one doofus a few years ago, call about an apt. and ask right out, "do you check references and credit?". Like I was gonna say NO to that. So I said, "yes." And he said, "OK thanks" and hung up the phone. Not too obvious, right? This couple seemed real nice last night
and both have jobs(he even works at the hospital where Tim is treated), but one never knows how people
manage their money, or don't, and I'd much rather have a vacant apartment instead of tenants that don't pay rent and have to go through the whole eviction process in court. Would
you believe that in NJ, if you evict someone, you have to go to one court to evict them and then go
to court AGAIN to get a judgement for any money they owe you. Maybe it's like that all over, I dunno. Luckily, this has never happened to us but with this longstanding bad economic downturn(which I feel is the depression of our generation, THANK YOU GREEDY banking companies) we have to be careful
as there are a whole lot of desperate tenants going from place to place around here. The timing on buying this 2-family could not have been worse. We closed on it 10 days before Tim was rushed to the emergency room and then dx'ed with cancer. It's a good investment and we've done some great renovations on it but the stress and extra responsibility is not fun sometimes and there are times I wish we could just sell it. I don't want to do that in the current real estate market. I just hope that we do not have anymore tenant issues like we did in '08 and that someday, we will be glad that we bought this place.

Puppy issues: so our little stinkpot got on her tippy toes yesterday and stole part of my lunch off the kitchen table while I was in the other room checking my e-mail. This little girl is giving me a
run for my money. Tim's mother called from VT last night saying they are taking care of an injured, stray dog. They are trying to find the owner. When Tim picked up the phone, she said,
"do you guys want another dog?!" and Tim said, "HELL NO, I don't even want the one we've got." Yeah right, Mr. Toughguy. As soon as I figure out how to get this new comp. to read my
cameras, I'll have to post pix of Tim snoozing with the little brat. (and I mean the dog, not me.)

Holiday CH-CH-CH-Changes

Nothing too exciting going on lately.I'm getting ready to have Thanksgiving at our house again. Our pain-in-the-butt tenant gave notice today so he'll be gone by Christmas. YEAH. I put the ad on Craiglist and have had 3 bites in just a few hours.
Tim goes to an allergist tomorrow. I have no idea where this came out of but he has been having
asthma reactions for a few months now. He seems to be reacting to a multitude of things and this
is so weird for him. He has NEVER had this before. I think I may find out soon that what I thought had been chronic sinus problems I've had for years may actually be asthma. Just great. Not only
is Jersey the cancer capital of this country but also the asthma capital. What the heck are we still
doing here? My idiot sister told off my parents so, setting two less plates for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Ah yes, doncha just love the holidays? I'm already in knots about what we're going to
do with Tim's family this year. No one in my house cares to be anywhere near the sis-in-law
that ruined our holiday last year. She is just unbearable and if there were going to be more people in a bigger area, maybe she'd be diluted enough to tolerate but such is not the case.
I would love to go away but in reality, we have no reason to desert my family and what would you do on Christmas day when everything is closed and everyone is celebrating the holiday. Today, I thought back over some of the very unpleasant things that have happened at the Christmas day celebrations at Tim's parents' house and wondered how many holidays have to be
ruined before we stop going. My daughter actually said to us last week, "we don't have to go if you guys are going to be uncomfortable." I almost cried. A 12 1/2 year old who is selfless enough
to give up a Christmas celebration with her cousins all because of what that witch did to us last year. Very sad. I just don't understand how some adults think it's OK to have temper tantrums and ruin things for everyone around them. It's childish and selfish if you ask me. If you're in a bad mood, suck it up, put on your game face, and don't take it out on everyone around you for Pete's sake!!! Some people just aren't happy 'til they've made everyone else as miserable as themself.

A Thanksgiving themed quote....It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys!!!

Damn flu shots

I know they say you can't get the flu from the flu shot. It's a dead virus and I get it. What I don't get is the people I know that get sick almost every single time they get one(including my mom) and why my husband was fine when he got his shot yesterday at 2 in the afternoon and then woke me at 3:30 am with a fever. We have Livvy's final soccer game and ice cream party today and her big cheerleading competition tomorrow and Tim is TICKED about this fever. Olivia got her flu shot a week ago and had a large hard swelling in her arm. Her arm was really sore for several days. I think next year, we'll just move to Tahiti for the cold and flu season.

Jumping on the "thankful Thursday" bandwagon

So Mr. Brabbs has started this thankful trend for Thursdays and I think it's a super idea. If it
were not for the fact that I started to force myself to look for the silver linings in life, both
now that we're dealing with Tim's MM and years back when I was dealing with my own health
problems, I think I would have lost it completely long ago. There are many things you can change in your life if they are not working for you: your job, relationship, where you live. But when something pretty bad happens to your health, it's not something that can be changed either easily or at all. There is just no running away from it.
That's when you have to dig real deep. You need something to believe in, hope, and most of all,
a thankful heart. There were times in my past when my life was so messed up from an undiagnosed health problem that I told Tim that it felt like the only thing I had to be grateful
for was that the elastic wasn't shot in my underwear. But, sometimes, you just have to start from there and work up. My life was very difficult but I thought, I can see, I can walk, I have a roof over my head. Despite
my problems, there are countless people who would trade places with me today and swap the
cross they're bearing for mine. This point was driven even further home for me when Christopher Reeve was paralyzed on our wedding day. Sounds morbid but as the years passed in our marriage, I was still dealing with my health problems, but I was always mindful that this man had been unable to walk or even breath on his own for all that time. So, with all the hardships we've faced, that is how I get myself
through. I tried very hard not to fall into that depression that comes from feeling sorry for yourself. It's certainly not that you want to see people worse off than yourself, it's the fact that
no matter what you're dealing with, there is just about always something to be grateful for. I just read a post over at another MM blog(walking with the big EZ). It's a beautiful post about this man finally getting to visit his parents on their 300 acre mountain home. And I thought after reading it and seeing the photos, "MM or not, this is a blessed man and family." So today, I am grateful for my family. For my parents who have done whatever they could to help despite the heartbreak they feel. For my sisters who have been my shrinks through all this. When there is not always a whole lot that people can do to help, just letting someone vent and unload some of
the burden they have is enough. It's a lighter cross when you've got folks helping you carry it.
Here's hoping y'all have folks with strong shoulders walking with you on this journey.