Saturday night, we had a combined 50th birthday party for Tim and his best buddy, Mike. Mike actually turned 50 in late Dec. and Tim's birthday is Feb. 3rd. Mike's wife asked me if I wanted to have a party and invite their school buddies, that they are still friends with! so we did. It went really well. Unfortunately, everyone is so busy with their families and work, it seems the only time you get a batch of them together at one time is for funerals, as their parents are passing away. This was a nice time to kick back and really catch up. For our family, Tim's 50th is more than the typical milestone it is for other people. There was a time, his doctors and his health would not have made us think we'd see this. It's all at once fantastic, and scary as he**. For one thing, what a blessing, for another, it's hard not to think that 7 years have SPED by since his diagnosis in March of 2007 and you can't help but think, "how much time do we have left?" Everything is bittersweet after a tragedy strikes your family. I am sad that Tim's family is fragmented and they will not be celebrating with us. We are civil to his parents and his sister and her family. We do not speak to his brother and his wife, who really started all this trouble to begin with. We are OK with this arrangement. We realize our lives are better not having all these toxic people in it and they won't ever change, but, Tim deserved better from them, MUCH better. I have to take issue with these Karma-type quotes that you see, because the truth is, sometimes you can put a lot of good out in the world and really do the right thing by people, be there for them, etc, but it is NO guarantee that you will get a lot of that coming back atcha in your time of need. Tim and I are examples of that. We will celebrate with my family when his birthday rolls around and also plan to take a special vacation too.
So, what else? My older sister has accepted a job in Vermont and is moving within a month. She has had a vacation home there for about 7 years now. This is tough for me, in several ways, but, nothing stays the same, as Tim reminded me the other day. She is the only one in my family that lives close by too(just in the next town) so this important part of our support system is gone now. A little scary to think about, but, luckily, Olivia is older now and can stay home alone. It will be nerve-wracking though, not having that back-up anymore.
Our favorite tenant ever, Rose, met a man and is moving in with him after 3 years in our rental. She is probably one of the nicest people I've ever met in my life. We will miss her. The place is re-rented to a nice couple, and, believe it or not, the woman is an oncology nurse where Tim is treated. She works in the leukemia division but knows Tim's doctors and nurses.
Tim has a check-up on Friday, so I am praying that he remains stable. PRAYING!
Other than all that, it's typical January stuff going on. Year end paperwork for the business, getting my taxes done, and trying to inspire myself to finally tackle all these jobs I've been procrastinating about for years around here. I know I'll feel better and less melancholy when I start ticking some of these things off the "LIST" but it's so hard to get started. Such dreadful chores and so hard to find them that important when I'm dealing with such a big problem in my life with Tim's health. One can get yourself so behind, it's overwhelming to even get started.
As always, I lament not living the life we want to live. We spend too much time making a living and doing all those things we HAVE to do and almost none of the things we WANT to do. It's an old complaint. I know I've said it here several times before. This year, we plan to try to make day trips on the weekends more. We just have to make up our little bucket list and start making it happen. Time's
a'wastin'.
Hope ya'll get to do some fun things you WANT to do in 2014.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Wrapping up
So, what to say about 2013. Tim remained stable-ish. Had a bad case of disseminated shingles for Easter, but, other than that, his doctors find his labs/case boring, and we LOVE boring when it comes to cancer markers. I lost another MM friend in Oct. and my friend lost her mom in Nov. It still seems like I am constantly hearing of cancer diagnosis, including another within Tim's family. Prostate, this time. Getting old is not for sissies, as I have said before. Life seems to be pock-marked with illnesses and deaths. Gets harder and harder to find the joie de vivre between the tough times.
Another year is in the rearview mirror and I have not managed to kick myself in the butt and get my spare room and basement organized, something I am embarrassed to say has been a LONG time coming and still hasn't come. Seems just when I seem to find some time, something else comes up to take up that time. Our favorite tenant ever, Rose, is moving after 3 years so, right before Christmas, I was faced, and still am, with the task of re-renting an apartment. There are times I wish I could sell this rental. I LOVE the house and sometimes think it would be a good place to retire, but, it has brought with it some real stress these last 7 years. Our real estate market has not sprung back yet though, and selling it now would be at a loss, so that is not an option.
Life is pretty much cruising along as normal. Too FAST, of course. The years all seem to sail by but this past one seemed particularly fast. As is also the norm, I feel that we do nothing but move from chore to chore and are not making any headway on the old "bucket list." I'd like to do more fun things this year. Tim always seems to be working and I always seem to be trying to keep my head above water whilst drowning in an endless list of "to-do's".
Tim turns 50 on Feb 3rd. A HUGE milestone. Half a century. Wow. I am in the beginning stages of planning a combined party with his friend's wife for Tim and his best buddy. Hope that goes well. I think Tim, Liv and I will be taking a big trip to celebrate in the spring. Maybe an island or something. I'm trying to be excited for their sake but am not. Not crazy about flying and really not crazy about going someplace with sub-par healthcare when there is a health issue on board. I don't want to ruin this for him so I will suck it up, I suppose.
It looks like 2014 will see my older sister moving to Vermont. She is interviewing for a job there now and plans to put her house here on the market in the spring. This will be weird for us. We have all stayed within an hour of where we grew up and she will be the first to move away. She is the only one that lives close enough to me to be considered a "support system" too. She lives in the next town, whereas my other sisters and my parents are a 45 to 50 minute ride, so that will present an issue for us, but, it is what it is. Unfortunately, their VT house is not just a few hour drive so we don't expect to be able to see them much. It's not even something you would do for a weekend. At 350 miles, it takes us 7 and 1/2 to 8 hours to get there with pit stops.
Nothing stays the same. Sometimes that's good, sometimes not. Nothing to do but try to make 2014 a good year.
Happy New Year! May God's blessings rain down on you and yours in 2014!
Another year is in the rearview mirror and I have not managed to kick myself in the butt and get my spare room and basement organized, something I am embarrassed to say has been a LONG time coming and still hasn't come. Seems just when I seem to find some time, something else comes up to take up that time. Our favorite tenant ever, Rose, is moving after 3 years so, right before Christmas, I was faced, and still am, with the task of re-renting an apartment. There are times I wish I could sell this rental. I LOVE the house and sometimes think it would be a good place to retire, but, it has brought with it some real stress these last 7 years. Our real estate market has not sprung back yet though, and selling it now would be at a loss, so that is not an option.
Life is pretty much cruising along as normal. Too FAST, of course. The years all seem to sail by but this past one seemed particularly fast. As is also the norm, I feel that we do nothing but move from chore to chore and are not making any headway on the old "bucket list." I'd like to do more fun things this year. Tim always seems to be working and I always seem to be trying to keep my head above water whilst drowning in an endless list of "to-do's".
Tim turns 50 on Feb 3rd. A HUGE milestone. Half a century. Wow. I am in the beginning stages of planning a combined party with his friend's wife for Tim and his best buddy. Hope that goes well. I think Tim, Liv and I will be taking a big trip to celebrate in the spring. Maybe an island or something. I'm trying to be excited for their sake but am not. Not crazy about flying and really not crazy about going someplace with sub-par healthcare when there is a health issue on board. I don't want to ruin this for him so I will suck it up, I suppose.
It looks like 2014 will see my older sister moving to Vermont. She is interviewing for a job there now and plans to put her house here on the market in the spring. This will be weird for us. We have all stayed within an hour of where we grew up and she will be the first to move away. She is the only one that lives close enough to me to be considered a "support system" too. She lives in the next town, whereas my other sisters and my parents are a 45 to 50 minute ride, so that will present an issue for us, but, it is what it is. Unfortunately, their VT house is not just a few hour drive so we don't expect to be able to see them much. It's not even something you would do for a weekend. At 350 miles, it takes us 7 and 1/2 to 8 hours to get there with pit stops.
Nothing stays the same. Sometimes that's good, sometimes not. Nothing to do but try to make 2014 a good year.
Happy New Year! May God's blessings rain down on you and yours in 2014!
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Never a "textbook" case
This past Tuesday, Olivia had her wisdom teeth pulled, as well as a molar that had been trapped by one of them, cut free and wiggled up. This was the first time she was having anesthesia or anything done for that matter. I wanted to go in with her until they put her to sleep but thought they wouldn't let me. They did, without me even asking. It was sad to watch, and I could feel my heart racing away, but I stay outwardly calm during tough stuff like this. When she was in recovery, they let me go in and sit with her. After a while, we got her up to a sitting position and she started vomiting. It was not pleasant. I was there with her alone, had to pull the gauze out of her mouth, which was stuck to her braces, so she wouldn't choke, and she was half asleep. I called for the nurse. She continued to vomit and it was getting a little upsetting because she was so asleep that she was having trouble clearing her throat. Suddenly, I felt a faint coming on. Ran to the waiting room by Tim and took a drink of water. I sat down and a nurse came out. They put me on a rolling chair, got me to a room and I laid on one of the treatment chairs and out I went. When it was over, I had not even realized I'd actually fainted and then was told I got sick to my stomach while I was out.
Thoughts of my mom's episode in Cape May came to mind. I was ticked. I don't faint from medical stuff or blood. What the heck!!! Can't anything in our lives go simply? Now they were taking care of both of us and I couldn't even be there with my kid. Tim was walking back and forth between the 2 rooms and I told him to just stay with Liv. They had to "stick" her again and give her IV Zofran. She still threw up. Eventually, she was not waking up well and still nauseous. The doctor said, "her stomach is empty, she is dehydrated, I'm going to give her a bag of fluid and she will come around." He told Tim that this happens once or twice a month. So, the poor kid is still throwing up and gets stuck a third time for an IV. They gave her another dose of Zofran and finally, she stopped getting sick and after about a half bag of fluids, she started to come around. Tough day for our family. I was warned that if she ever gets anesthesia again, the doctor has to be told about this reaction so they can pre-med her with anti-nausea meds. I was ticked that I passed out and that always brings up fear with me due to my medical history. I spose I was a little dehydrated myself and being on blood pressure meds now, I guess the upset from watching my kid be that sick just made my BP drop too low. We did not leave for home until 3 hours after her surgery had been finished. Crazy. I have to get over it. I'm disappointed but, what can ya do. I guess I am going to have to be more careful about eating and drinking enough, especially when something stressful is going on. I called an MM friend of mine the other day. He told me that he was an EMT and on the rescue squad for years. Taught CPR classes, delivered babies on calls, saw horrendous accidents where people died and even saw decapitations. He was able to deal with all this without any problems. But, some years before, his 8 year old son had his thumb shut in the car door and this man passed out cold as they worked on him in the ER of the hospital. So, he said to me, "Denise, you were being a parent." It's been a big blow to me though to lose confidence in myself in that respect. I am around medical stuff A LOT with Tim. I sure don't want this to happen again. OY! It seems nothing goes smoothly for us. Luckily, I was able to get Liv thru the next few days with ibuprofen, as we were worried her gut wouldn't tolerate the narcotic pain meds, as my doesn't either. She is better, though still a bit sore. Had a lot of cutting and digging go on in her mouth, but, it's over and we're glad of it. Now, her orthodontist can finish up with her braces and she'll probably get them off sometime next year. That kid's smile has cost us 7500 bucks OUT OF POCKET. SHEESH! She's worth it but it's times like this I'm glad we only have one. Moving on.
Thoughts of my mom's episode in Cape May came to mind. I was ticked. I don't faint from medical stuff or blood. What the heck!!! Can't anything in our lives go simply? Now they were taking care of both of us and I couldn't even be there with my kid. Tim was walking back and forth between the 2 rooms and I told him to just stay with Liv. They had to "stick" her again and give her IV Zofran. She still threw up. Eventually, she was not waking up well and still nauseous. The doctor said, "her stomach is empty, she is dehydrated, I'm going to give her a bag of fluid and she will come around." He told Tim that this happens once or twice a month. So, the poor kid is still throwing up and gets stuck a third time for an IV. They gave her another dose of Zofran and finally, she stopped getting sick and after about a half bag of fluids, she started to come around. Tough day for our family. I was warned that if she ever gets anesthesia again, the doctor has to be told about this reaction so they can pre-med her with anti-nausea meds. I was ticked that I passed out and that always brings up fear with me due to my medical history. I spose I was a little dehydrated myself and being on blood pressure meds now, I guess the upset from watching my kid be that sick just made my BP drop too low. We did not leave for home until 3 hours after her surgery had been finished. Crazy. I have to get over it. I'm disappointed but, what can ya do. I guess I am going to have to be more careful about eating and drinking enough, especially when something stressful is going on. I called an MM friend of mine the other day. He told me that he was an EMT and on the rescue squad for years. Taught CPR classes, delivered babies on calls, saw horrendous accidents where people died and even saw decapitations. He was able to deal with all this without any problems. But, some years before, his 8 year old son had his thumb shut in the car door and this man passed out cold as they worked on him in the ER of the hospital. So, he said to me, "Denise, you were being a parent." It's been a big blow to me though to lose confidence in myself in that respect. I am around medical stuff A LOT with Tim. I sure don't want this to happen again. OY! It seems nothing goes smoothly for us. Luckily, I was able to get Liv thru the next few days with ibuprofen, as we were worried her gut wouldn't tolerate the narcotic pain meds, as my doesn't either. She is better, though still a bit sore. Had a lot of cutting and digging go on in her mouth, but, it's over and we're glad of it. Now, her orthodontist can finish up with her braces and she'll probably get them off sometime next year. That kid's smile has cost us 7500 bucks OUT OF POCKET. SHEESH! She's worth it but it's times like this I'm glad we only have one. Moving on.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
2 years
The 23rd was 2 years since the big blowup with Tim's family. Also his parents' wedding anniversary.
Hard to imagine 2 years has blown by. 2 years of them hardly knowing us. I saw them for the first time in over 5 months last weekend. Dropped Liv off for a visit and talked to them for a few minutes when I picked her up. They came to a JV football game on Monday but my parents were there too so they talked to them most of the time. We were all at a varsity game last night that Liv was cheering at. I don't know if they realized my parents were there, as well as my sister Lori, who they are best friends with, but they did not look for us in the stands and sat somewhere else. We didn't even know they were there until we saw them walk out before the game ended. It was a shutout. We beat them soundly and it was cold so I guess they split because of that. Oh well. Is what it is. It's such a weird situation, but, the one thing I don't think any one of them realized, was that they are such toxic people, that many people find their quality of life is better not being around them. I used to feel some guilt over this. I don't anymore. I have NEVER said or done anything to those people like they said and did to me, and my family. I put up with this for 20 years. They were warned that we'd had enough. And, honestly, my husband is just about the most easy-going guy you would ever meet. If you hit his breaking point, man that is really saying something. That guy lets things roll off better than the majority of people. I hit my breaking point MANY times with his family. But, with Tim, when he hit it, he was done. And with me, I turn the other cheek SO MANY TIMES in relationships that if you use up all those "second chances" you really made your own bed. I still feel bad for Tim and Liv. It's too bad that these people showed them, over and over again, how very low on their priority list they were. Very sad, especially considering our circumstances. But, they did, and we got the message, and we decided to bump them down our own priority list. The result was, we got rid of a lot of negativity and aggravation from our lives. I could never stand being estranged from my own kid. But, I guess their need to blame others for everything and not take responsibility for what they did is more important to them. Takes all kinds, I always say. I saw this post on the MM facebook support group from a woman whose husband has MM and she was ranting about the people, even family, that backed out on them. I thought, "yep, been there, done that." A friend of mine put this quote on her facebook the other day. It said, "The only people I owe my loyalty to, are those who never made me question theirs." How fitting.
Hard to imagine 2 years has blown by. 2 years of them hardly knowing us. I saw them for the first time in over 5 months last weekend. Dropped Liv off for a visit and talked to them for a few minutes when I picked her up. They came to a JV football game on Monday but my parents were there too so they talked to them most of the time. We were all at a varsity game last night that Liv was cheering at. I don't know if they realized my parents were there, as well as my sister Lori, who they are best friends with, but they did not look for us in the stands and sat somewhere else. We didn't even know they were there until we saw them walk out before the game ended. It was a shutout. We beat them soundly and it was cold so I guess they split because of that. Oh well. Is what it is. It's such a weird situation, but, the one thing I don't think any one of them realized, was that they are such toxic people, that many people find their quality of life is better not being around them. I used to feel some guilt over this. I don't anymore. I have NEVER said or done anything to those people like they said and did to me, and my family. I put up with this for 20 years. They were warned that we'd had enough. And, honestly, my husband is just about the most easy-going guy you would ever meet. If you hit his breaking point, man that is really saying something. That guy lets things roll off better than the majority of people. I hit my breaking point MANY times with his family. But, with Tim, when he hit it, he was done. And with me, I turn the other cheek SO MANY TIMES in relationships that if you use up all those "second chances" you really made your own bed. I still feel bad for Tim and Liv. It's too bad that these people showed them, over and over again, how very low on their priority list they were. Very sad, especially considering our circumstances. But, they did, and we got the message, and we decided to bump them down our own priority list. The result was, we got rid of a lot of negativity and aggravation from our lives. I could never stand being estranged from my own kid. But, I guess their need to blame others for everything and not take responsibility for what they did is more important to them. Takes all kinds, I always say. I saw this post on the MM facebook support group from a woman whose husband has MM and she was ranting about the people, even family, that backed out on them. I thought, "yep, been there, done that." A friend of mine put this quote on her facebook the other day. It said, "The only people I owe my loyalty to, are those who never made me question theirs." How fitting.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
3 cheers for STABLE
Tim had his quarterly appointment on Friday. He remains stable at .20 M-spike. Thanks be to GOD.
This appointment sets the tone for our holiday season so I am thrilled that it went well, but, then again, I always am. Unfortunately, someone I really care about was diagnosed with prostate cancer a week and a half ago and I am now worried about him. I tell ya, you just can't get away from this cancer nonsense. This one shocked me. I really thought his biopsy was going to be negative. His PSA
isn't even out of normal range for a man his age. It just rose a bit from the last one and they ordered a biopsy. He goes tomorrow for scans to be sure it is confined to just the prostate and has not spread. I sure pray that it has not. UGH!!!
On other news, Liv sprained her ankle in gym class. I have a big toe injury that I got from being stupid, as in catching for Liv while she practiced softball pitching, whilst I was wearing flip-flops. Won't be doing that again. We are busy doing the football and cheerleading thing 3 times a week. On Mondays, Liv is cheerleading captain for the JV squad and we go to the JV games. On Friday nights, we go see our varsity team play. They are whomping butt this year. Then, on Saturday nights, Liv coaches the cheerleaders for our youth football league, who are generally getting their butts whomped. It's a good kind of busy, and when it's over in Nov., we don't have much to do.
Tim is still REALLY busy at work. Golfing today for only the second time this season, which stinks.
I am taking a 9 week financial course of Dave Ramsey's and it has made me worry about money even more. Did ya ever sit down and figure out how much money goes out every month? Don't. It's damn scary!!! I've warned Liv that if she asks me for a smart phone one more time, she's in BIG trouble.
Basically, things are rolling along in our "normal" fashion. Nothing gets done around the house. We're not doing what we WANT to do, and are bogged down in all the stuff we HAVE to do. Just
"business as usual" around here. Trying to find joy in the monotony, I guess. Such is life.
Happy autumn!
This appointment sets the tone for our holiday season so I am thrilled that it went well, but, then again, I always am. Unfortunately, someone I really care about was diagnosed with prostate cancer a week and a half ago and I am now worried about him. I tell ya, you just can't get away from this cancer nonsense. This one shocked me. I really thought his biopsy was going to be negative. His PSA
isn't even out of normal range for a man his age. It just rose a bit from the last one and they ordered a biopsy. He goes tomorrow for scans to be sure it is confined to just the prostate and has not spread. I sure pray that it has not. UGH!!!
On other news, Liv sprained her ankle in gym class. I have a big toe injury that I got from being stupid, as in catching for Liv while she practiced softball pitching, whilst I was wearing flip-flops. Won't be doing that again. We are busy doing the football and cheerleading thing 3 times a week. On Mondays, Liv is cheerleading captain for the JV squad and we go to the JV games. On Friday nights, we go see our varsity team play. They are whomping butt this year. Then, on Saturday nights, Liv coaches the cheerleaders for our youth football league, who are generally getting their butts whomped. It's a good kind of busy, and when it's over in Nov., we don't have much to do.
Tim is still REALLY busy at work. Golfing today for only the second time this season, which stinks.
I am taking a 9 week financial course of Dave Ramsey's and it has made me worry about money even more. Did ya ever sit down and figure out how much money goes out every month? Don't. It's damn scary!!! I've warned Liv that if she asks me for a smart phone one more time, she's in BIG trouble.
Basically, things are rolling along in our "normal" fashion. Nothing gets done around the house. We're not doing what we WANT to do, and are bogged down in all the stuff we HAVE to do. Just
"business as usual" around here. Trying to find joy in the monotony, I guess. Such is life.
Happy autumn!
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Craig
I went to Craig's memorial service on Thursday night. I had a class that night for this financial program I signed up for through my church, but, this was more important. I was a bit nervous. This was way too close to home, as I've said, with his daughter being the same age as Liv and this being the first service I was going to for a multiple myeloma friend. I was afraid I was going to have a real hard time keeping it together. I'm not fond of wakes. Who is. I think they are brutal on the family. I really hate open casket ones. It's different if someone has had a long life, but, when someone dies in their prime, I'm not sure if seeing people come out to pay respects is enough to sooth the pain of standing next to your loved one's lifeless body. As it turned out, though this service was held at a funeral parlor, they did not have Craig's body there. I was relieved, mostly for his family. There were photos all over, items of his, flowers, and a big screen TV with photos for people to watch. I came out of this service just amazed. I have only known Craig since his dx in 2008. My family went to his house once. But, I did not know about his life much before his diagnosis. He graduated with TWO degrees from MIT. Was a member of Mensa.
He LOVED travelling and had visited 47 states, and 36 countries on 6 different continents. The pictures were nothing short of amazing. He rock climbed, scuba dived, he did it all. His whole life was a "bucket list." I could point at 20 people right now, and all of them combined would not have had the life experiences this one man did in his 59 years here. I was both glad to see this, that he had lived SO fully and explored SO much, packing so much into those 59 years, but also sad, because this was a man that was really making it count and he was so amazing and out-going. It was obvious that he made life exciting for those around him. What a tremendous loss to those who knew and loved him. I found myself wishing I had known him better. Despite all that, this was a man who had his demons. He told me once that he suffered from depression for years. Some of those trips were spiritual quests, trips he made searching for inner peace. Even more amazing that someone who struggled with depression still lived like he did. His wife, Leslie, and daughter, Elizabeth, did really well during this service. That's why I could hold it together. If other people cry, it gets me going. They were very strong. Still, very hard to look at Elizabeth and not feel just as I do for Liv. You got ripped off, kid. And, despite Craig having all these wonderful experiences, he was not done. He had a daughter to finish raising and a lot more he wanted to do. They had a trip booked for Paris that they had to cancel. He had not completed his "bucket list." I came home and spoke to Tim about it. I said, "this sucks, we're doing nothing with our lives." He said, "Denise, they had a lot of money and he could afford to take a lot of time off and pay for all those trips. That's just not how it is for most people." He's right, but, I looked at those pics with Elizabeth in them and thought of how badly I want my kid to see things I saw in this country by the time I was her age. I don't need to go to Thailand and all those exotic places, though there are some countries I wouldn't mind seeing. Ireland, Italy. But, I wish I could just rent an RV and take Tim and Liv across country to see the national parks and all that. I talked to Tim about doing a trip in this country for his 50th instead of some island,(I'm kinda nervous about going somewhere with sub-par medical care) but he seems to want to do the island thing. Oh well. I read something a LONG time ago and never forgot it. It said, "money can't buy happiness, but it can sure make misery a lot easier to deal with."
He LOVED travelling and had visited 47 states, and 36 countries on 6 different continents. The pictures were nothing short of amazing. He rock climbed, scuba dived, he did it all. His whole life was a "bucket list." I could point at 20 people right now, and all of them combined would not have had the life experiences this one man did in his 59 years here. I was both glad to see this, that he had lived SO fully and explored SO much, packing so much into those 59 years, but also sad, because this was a man that was really making it count and he was so amazing and out-going. It was obvious that he made life exciting for those around him. What a tremendous loss to those who knew and loved him. I found myself wishing I had known him better. Despite all that, this was a man who had his demons. He told me once that he suffered from depression for years. Some of those trips were spiritual quests, trips he made searching for inner peace. Even more amazing that someone who struggled with depression still lived like he did. His wife, Leslie, and daughter, Elizabeth, did really well during this service. That's why I could hold it together. If other people cry, it gets me going. They were very strong. Still, very hard to look at Elizabeth and not feel just as I do for Liv. You got ripped off, kid. And, despite Craig having all these wonderful experiences, he was not done. He had a daughter to finish raising and a lot more he wanted to do. They had a trip booked for Paris that they had to cancel. He had not completed his "bucket list." I came home and spoke to Tim about it. I said, "this sucks, we're doing nothing with our lives." He said, "Denise, they had a lot of money and he could afford to take a lot of time off and pay for all those trips. That's just not how it is for most people." He's right, but, I looked at those pics with Elizabeth in them and thought of how badly I want my kid to see things I saw in this country by the time I was her age. I don't need to go to Thailand and all those exotic places, though there are some countries I wouldn't mind seeing. Ireland, Italy. But, I wish I could just rent an RV and take Tim and Liv across country to see the national parks and all that. I talked to Tim about doing a trip in this country for his 50th instead of some island,(I'm kinda nervous about going somewhere with sub-par medical care) but he seems to want to do the island thing. Oh well. I read something a LONG time ago and never forgot it. It said, "money can't buy happiness, but it can sure make misery a lot easier to deal with."
Sunday, October 6, 2013
The hits keep coming
Been a tough week. Too many bad news items to even share them all. Then, Friday, I checked my e-mail and saw one from Craig's wife saying he had died that day. So sad. Impossible not to think about so many people I've met, whether in person or via the internet, who are not with us anymore.
In this case, also impossible not to think about my own family and Craig's 15 year old daughter. My heart hurts this week. Badly. Last Sunday, we went to the 5th annual survivors celebration that our cancer center puts on. It was a splendid day at Liberty State Park. Had a front row seat to see Gloria
Gaynor perform. But, you are surrounded by several thousand people who are either cancer patients or caregivers and family members. Such an epidemic. Tim has his blood draw this Friday and his check-up on the 18th. I got my physical done last week and wished I could change the first name on my lab reports, slip them into Tim's file, and have his docs tell us to go home and that we need never come back. Just seems like so much heartache all around me. A friend called me yesterday. Her son has diabetes and her husband has MS. Also have a daughter that is a softball pitcher, like Liv. They are already in serious financial trouble and may even lose their house and this past week, they found out her husband may be let go from his job of over 30 years. I vividly remember Michael J. Fox saying that he didn't feel sorry for himself, he felt sorry for people who had illnesses befall them that had to worry about money and health insurance on top of it. It's true. What happened to him is awful, but, he knows his family will be fine, financially anyway, and he is spared that worry. They're rich. The rest of us are stuck worrying about money, not living each day the way we'd like to be, watching days tick off the allotment we are given just trying to stay above water financially. While I realize that my family is in better shape than others, I also know how quickly that could change when Tim can't work anymore.
And, here we are, living in one of the most expensive areas of the country. I got my new property tax bill the other day. Just shy of 9600 dollars a year. Works out to 796 a month. How crazy is that? They are re-evaluating this year and who knows, may go higher still. Rises every year as it is. What do we do? Move? My husband's business is here, his doctors are here, and our support system is here, what there is of it. Speaking of support, my mom is getting worse quickly. My dad is STILL dragging his feet about leaving work. My sister had to call my mom's doctor and tell her exactly what's going on because we know she is not getting the whole story. Doctor told my mom she has to stop driving. My dad refuses to push the issue with her. Doesn't like confrontation. Honestly, he has to step up. It does stink what is going on with them, but, from my point of view, hey, at least the "in sickness and in health" stuff waited until they were in their 70's, and their kids were raised, and they had guaranteed health insurance. Tim and I were not nearly that "lucky." So much to worry about. Oh well, another week starts today. Hope it's a far sight better than the last one. Here's a pic of us by Lady Liberty last week.
In this case, also impossible not to think about my own family and Craig's 15 year old daughter. My heart hurts this week. Badly. Last Sunday, we went to the 5th annual survivors celebration that our cancer center puts on. It was a splendid day at Liberty State Park. Had a front row seat to see Gloria
Gaynor perform. But, you are surrounded by several thousand people who are either cancer patients or caregivers and family members. Such an epidemic. Tim has his blood draw this Friday and his check-up on the 18th. I got my physical done last week and wished I could change the first name on my lab reports, slip them into Tim's file, and have his docs tell us to go home and that we need never come back. Just seems like so much heartache all around me. A friend called me yesterday. Her son has diabetes and her husband has MS. Also have a daughter that is a softball pitcher, like Liv. They are already in serious financial trouble and may even lose their house and this past week, they found out her husband may be let go from his job of over 30 years. I vividly remember Michael J. Fox saying that he didn't feel sorry for himself, he felt sorry for people who had illnesses befall them that had to worry about money and health insurance on top of it. It's true. What happened to him is awful, but, he knows his family will be fine, financially anyway, and he is spared that worry. They're rich. The rest of us are stuck worrying about money, not living each day the way we'd like to be, watching days tick off the allotment we are given just trying to stay above water financially. While I realize that my family is in better shape than others, I also know how quickly that could change when Tim can't work anymore.
And, here we are, living in one of the most expensive areas of the country. I got my new property tax bill the other day. Just shy of 9600 dollars a year. Works out to 796 a month. How crazy is that? They are re-evaluating this year and who knows, may go higher still. Rises every year as it is. What do we do? Move? My husband's business is here, his doctors are here, and our support system is here, what there is of it. Speaking of support, my mom is getting worse quickly. My dad is STILL dragging his feet about leaving work. My sister had to call my mom's doctor and tell her exactly what's going on because we know she is not getting the whole story. Doctor told my mom she has to stop driving. My dad refuses to push the issue with her. Doesn't like confrontation. Honestly, he has to step up. It does stink what is going on with them, but, from my point of view, hey, at least the "in sickness and in health" stuff waited until they were in their 70's, and their kids were raised, and they had guaranteed health insurance. Tim and I were not nearly that "lucky." So much to worry about. Oh well, another week starts today. Hope it's a far sight better than the last one. Here's a pic of us by Lady Liberty last week.
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