This is why

When people tell us all those cliché reasons why we shouldn't be estranged from Tim's family (life's too short, etc.) it only takes a story or two about the things they've done to us to make them see why we are. They change their tune real quick. Yesterday was another one of those days. As Tim says, his family has no filters on their mouths. After ruining so many holidays and vacations and events with their constant fighting and nastiness toward me and others, they still don't get it, that all these friends they lost were sick of hearing it too. A few years ago, Liv was playing her first softball game of the season. We were assistant coaching. She pitched the last 2 innings of a game our other pitcher had lost already, but Liv pitched great and the head coach was so impressed. She threw a great two innings, shut down the other team, and Tim and I were so proud. Tim's father came up to Tim in the dugout and confronted him about an argument we'd had with Tim's sister-in-law,(this was the time we told her she was not welcome in our house that mother's day after ruining the prior Christmas for us with her nasty comment when I bought Tim his new truck). Tim got really upset at his father for bringing this up, and right then to boot, and as I walked up to him, he was angrily telling his father to stay out of it. We went from being proud and happy to really angry in just seconds and another good memory was tainted by them. About the only times we see Tim's parents are at Olivia's games and we don't enjoy them being there. We are civil and I talk to them like nothing ever happened, but, we'd prefer to be able to enjoy our daughter's games without them. The last 2 seasons, Tim even asked me not to tell them about every game so we could just enjoy them together with the other parents. Several times I have had to tell them to be quiet because they get irritated and start yelling out onto the field, either at players or the officials.(in the rec. league, your team can be disqualified if your fans yell at the umpires). You would think they would knock it off after being told once, but not them. They live by their own rules and don't care what anyone else thinks or who they upset with their behavior. Last week, we were sitting on bleachers right by 1st base when one of Liv's good friends, and our 1st basewoman, missed a throw to 1st. My father-in-law nastily said, "you should have had that." Her mother was sitting right next to us and the player, Rachel, heard it and got all nervous and shook up. I told him to be quiet, and my mother-in-law chimed in and said, "well she should have." These people just don't get it. This stuff happens. The girl didn't do it on purpose. Tim's whole family has a "do as I say not as I do" habit. If people said things to them like they say to other people, they'd go ballistic. That whole family just shoots off nasty comments to everyone and thinks everyone should just take it from them. I talked to Tim about what happened with Rachel. He did not hear the whole exchange, he was talking to someone else at the game. He was not happy. We are friends with her parents too. This is a great family that we've known for years and here is Tim's parents insulting their daughter. It's very embarrassing for Tim. We hoped it wouldn't happen again but we both agreed that if it did, he had to be stopped. Yesterday was Liv's final game of the year. It was a really tough season. Liv played extremely well but we have very weak fielding and batting in many of the other girls. But, they are a nice group of kids. Our coach is a bigger problem than that, as she just has no idea what she's doing and makes a lot of mistakes. We won 18-11 yesterday. Liv threw 8 strikeouts and threw out 3 runners, making 11 out of 15 outs herself (we only played 5 innings and were out of time). It was a hard fought win for Liv. The varsity coach took our 1st baseman and shortstop to play for him. The girl our coach put at SS screwed up many times and the coach left her in for 3 innings until she finally put someone else there. Anyway, the girl playing right field is a very good friend of Liv's and not a great player. She only started playing softball last season BUT she tries very hard. In the last inning, when we were trying to make sure we held them, Cheyenne fielded a ball and then made a very bad throw which resulted in runners advancing and maybe even a score, I can't remember exactly. My father-in-law started yelling at her. This 77 year old man was red in the face and furious and starts ripping into a 15 year old girl. I wasn't having it. She could hear him. I spun around to stop him, saying(in a low but VERY angry voice), "shut up, that is Liv's good friend, and you can go the hell home!" I'm just so done with this. He is so out of control. Both Rachel and Cheyenne were just at Liv's birthday party the other night. Great girls. Heck, Cheyenne spent almost the whole weekend over our house a few weeks ago, sleeping over and everything. I took my book(I keep stats for Liv) and walked away, standing by the other set of bleachers for the rest of the game. Old Phil was furious. Cannot tolerate a woman standing up to him, and that woman being ME just drives him insane. Tim had heard him yell at Cheyenne(was a few steps away talking to other parents) and shot over immediately to stop him. I didn't even realize they had gotten into it after I left. My kid was pitching and I was glued to the action on the field. Well, it went like this. My mother-in-law was saying "that was uncalled for" about what I said. Tim said, "it was called for, that is Olivia's good friend and we don't do that here. Do you hear any of these parents yelling and insulting the girls? You did this to Rachel last week too, another friend of Olivia's and the poor girl was embarrassed and upset after you did and her mother was right there. You can't just yell at these kids because they miss plays." Anyway, Phil said, "that's it, I'm done." Apparently, this means he's not coming anymore to which we say, YAY! He was ready to leave right then but it was probably Tim's mom who was not gonna miss the end of the game. Tim's mother actually said that maybe that's why we have such bad players and these parents should all be yelling at the girls, maybe they would play better if we did. REALLY?!!! She is just as bad as he is. Tim and I coached softball for 8 years. I have never seen a girl perform better when she was nervous or upset. I have seen them perform better when we have pumped them up and encouraged them countless times. These people just shoot off their nasty mouths at everyone and then wonder why they never hear from their old friends anymore. DUH!!! And, would it be OK if the parents started yelling at my daughter every time she threw a bad pitch? I can tell ya, it happened twice last year, that people that didn't even know her said something about bad pitches and I was NOT happy, even saying something to a woman next to me about her nasty comment.(she got out of her car, saw one bad pitch and started in, not knowing she was standing next to the pitcher's mother) It's just not necessary. They are kids. Even the pros have their bad days. I am sure Tim's parents would go nuts if people were yelling at their granddaughter. Olivia was the best player on the team this year and last year, as well as the "MVP" in her recreation league team too. We had many parents come up to us this season and say, "we wouldn't have a team if it wasn't for Olivia. She is such a great pitcher and we are so grateful for how hard she has worked. Please tell her we said that." Does she deserve to be yelled at too when she is tired and throws some bad pitches? I did not bother saying good-bye to Phil and he barely grunted Tim's way as they left. They did it again. Ruined/tainted what should have been another positive, wonderful memory for our family. We did not tell Olivia what happened. We're hoping she was too focused on pitching and ending the game to hear what he yelled out to her friend. She ended the game on a strikeout and we were just thrilled. So, THESE are the people who claim to be crushed over all that's happened, just sick over not having a relationship with their son. They still do and say whatever they want with no concern to what it does to us. They think that WE were out of line confronting him and there is nothing wrong with publicly insulting 15 and 16 year old girls who make mistakes on the ball field. They ruined yet another memory for us, as is their norm, and they think that WE did something wrong. I've probably said this before. My father told me once, "Denise, never argue with someone who is dead wrong. It's such a waste of time." That is the case with these people. I just said what I had to to stop his rant and walked away. They have lived their whole lives this way and have a long list of ex-friends to prove it. They'll never change. This is NOT how you support your grandchild at her games, by yelling insults at her best friends. They know those are Liv's grandparents. Besides being obnoxious, it does not reflect well on Olivia. So, game over. We probably won't see them, or at least him, at any more games. Again, not sorry. They ruin things for everyone. So, all those clichés are well and good, but when you see holiday after holiday, vacation after vacation, and all these memorable events ruined but this kind of nastiness, it gets old. We're trying to make good memories for out daughter. It's near impossible if they are involved.

Moving on.

Sweet 16

Tomorrow is the big day. Olivia turns 16. It's surreal to me. How did it fly by this quickly? Tomorrow also marks 6 years since Tim had a chemo drug put into his body. It doesn't seem like it's been that long, but it has. He had a check-up on this past Friday. His kappa number went up to 36, I think it was. Knocked the kappa/lambda ratio out of normal range too. This bums me out. We saw the head nurse this time, doctors were busy, and she is not worried about it. They see people whose light chain numbers jump by the hundreds so, to them, this is no big deal. To us, it is. His numbers are creeping slowly northward. They are still very low, but, a trend is a trend. Life has been full of medical issues lately. Olivia got what appears to be a staph infection on her leg, maybe even MRSA. The culture did not show anything, but they think/know it was a false negative. I have had some crazy symptoms going on which resulted in another bladder infection and a trip to the urologist, my first ever. I have to go to an ear, nose, and throat doc because I've had some kind of "click," for lack of a better word, in my throat when I swallow. Now, Olivia has to go to a dermatologist because some other kind of process started on the same leg. Tim and I both got pretty sick with colds and sinus infections. At one point, all 3 of us were on antibiotics for different reasons. I've been back and forth to CVS pharmacy so many times, I'm practically on a first name basis with everyone there. SHEESH!
Hopefully, things simmer down for a while. I'm just sick of it. I feel guilty complaining. It's all relative and it's so hard to know so many people who are really struggling and dealing with so much worse than we are. You're ticked and you want to complain, but, then the guilt settles in and you feel like a heel. Suffice to say, there is just a lot of hard stuff swirling all around me and some days, you just get so weary from it all. Can't remember what normal feels like anymore.

Back to the sweet 16. It will be a weekend of parties(Liv's birthday, mother's day) and I am still trying to arrange a camping trip or day trip to the beach for Liv and her buddies. I haven't a clue what to buy my kid, a sure sign that she has too much. (sigh) We have such a small family and she has a nice group of friends but not enough to warrant renting out some place and hiring a DJ. She has been to several sweet 16 parties now. They have fun when they do that dancing and DJ thing, but, in a few of the cases, kids invited all sorts of other kids that they didn't even hang out with just to get bodies there. I just don't understand inviting a whole bunch of kids that you're not friends with, especially to a gift giving event. I'm not OK with that. At the last party where a girl did that, some girl created a whole bunch of drama at the party and really ruined it for the guest of honor. I thought, "well, she is not even your friend and you knew she was trouble, why did you invite her?" Nah, not going down that road. We are taking a whole bunch of them out to dinner and a movie on Sat. night, and then we will try to do a camping overnight or beach day one of these weekends.

After a long, cold, snowy winter and a cool, wet spring, the beach sounds like a pipe dream. But, rumor has it we may hit 80 degrees here next week, and we're starting to see some 70's lately. WOOHOO! Olivia has one more week of softball. She has played great this season but we have a very weak team and a coach who is clueless. It's been great seeing Liv do so well, but she cannot win games by herself. We just try to enjoy it and support the girls as much as possible. The games are played right after school so most parents don't make it, but, our little group tries to cheer them on and I alway bring them snacks for after the games, which they appreciate. So, I guess that is the update. As always, the time feels like it's slipping through our hands like water. Too fast. Just too darn fast for this old girl. Here is a pic of our big girl, pitching on opening day! SO proud of her!!!

Happy mother's day!!!

Too late smart

In 2 weeks, it will be 7 years since Tim's multiple myeloma diagnosis. I just cannot believe that this much time has gone by. As I've said before, I feel like I've aged 20 years. It's been 7 years of fear, sadness, loss of friends, both internet friends and those we've met face-to-face, and a lot of other harsh realities along the way. We've had a lot to be grateful for too, Tim's long period of stability, most notably. But, all things are relative. We are still living a nightmare, just not as bad as it could be for now. Today we are possibly going to a wake. This is for the cousin of a family friend of Tim's family, and, the couple that was there when we had that huge blow-up with Tim's parents almost 2 and 1/2 years ago. We have not seen them since. They live in NC. We have learned a lot of hard lessons about people in these last years. Some will stick with you in a crisis. Others will back out on you. And, it may not be the ones you ever expected that do either of those things. Unfortunately, people still make the statement to Tim that, "life is too short" when they hear about our separation from his family. Then, if Tim explains why, they are floored to know the things that were done/said to us, and they realize just how toxic the situation had become. Yes, life is short, and it was not Tim's parents who were handed the cancer diagnosis, it was Tim. Trust me, WE KNOW that life is short. I  feel bad for Tim. To be so disappointed in your own family. Truly sad. We are on speaking terms with everyone but his brother and his wife, at this point though. We don't speak to them much, but we tolerate them when we have to. Tim's parents wanted to take us out to dinner for his 50th birthday and had gifts to give Tim. We weren't crazy about going, but we did. In the middle of the dinner, his father overhears me talking to his mother about a trip we're planning for Tim's 50th. We're not sure where we're going yet, but I mentioned my unease about going to some island in a 3rd world country. For one thing, our medical insurance doesn't cover us out of the country. For another, after more than a half dozen trips to the emergency room over the last 7 years, with illnesses that included sepsis, pneumonia, disseminated shingles, cellulitis, a sinus abcess, and so on, there is significant risk for us to be in a place with substandard health care. His father, who always considered me too much of a worrier for his taste, interrupts and says to me, "do you really want to go through life worrying about things like that?" As he sits 3 inches away from his son, whose life has been in jeopardy too many times in the last 7 years, yet he distanced himself so remains blissfully unaware of just how dangerous it was and hard it was on us three. I looked at him and had to darn near bite my tongue off. The look probably made his blood run cold. I had to take a breath and remind myself that my daughter was right there. I said, "well, I suppose that would be great if we did not have a medical condition to think about." It was said in as icy a tone as I've ever heard come out of my mouth and he knew he was a fool to say that to me. If anyone EVER needed a 10 second delay button. He then said, "you're right, that does have to be thought of first."NO sh*t, Sherlock. I don't need you to tell me
that." It must be nice to be able to check out of a situation that bothers you and let everyone else handle things while you pretend it just isn't happening and go on your merry way. I wouldn't know.
I've probably said this before on this blog too, I've learned that you shouldn't waste your life minutes with people who are not good to you. I wish I learned it a long time ago. There are a lot of things I wish I knew and learned a long time ago. I'm 48 and realize I wasted a lot of time in my life. Yes, life is short, we have to do what we can to grab joy while we can. Tim, Liv and I are going to try taking more day trips on the weekends. All our time is spent working and doing chores and that bucket list isn't getting shorter at all. All work and no play. Time to try to balance that out a bit more. We took a drive down to the Jersey shore recently. It was nice. Not much to do down there but sightsee but, we feel like we did something different than our norm. I'll have to figure out what our next adventure will be. It's high time to spend quality time together. No time like the present.

Half a century

Saturday night, we had a combined 50th birthday party for Tim and his best buddy, Mike. Mike actually turned 50 in late Dec. and Tim's birthday is Feb. 3rd. Mike's wife asked me if I wanted to have a party and invite their school buddies, that they are still friends with! so we did. It went really well. Unfortunately, everyone is so busy with their families and work, it seems the only time you get a batch of them together at one time is for funerals, as their parents are passing away. This was a nice time to kick back and really catch up. For our family, Tim's 50th is more than the typical milestone it is for other people. There was a time, his doctors and his health would not have made us think we'd see this. It's all at once fantastic, and scary as he**. For one thing, what a blessing, for another, it's hard not to think that 7 years have SPED by since his diagnosis in March of 2007 and you can't help but think, "how much time do we have left?" Everything is bittersweet after a tragedy strikes your family. I am sad that Tim's family is fragmented and they will not be celebrating with us. We are civil to his parents and his sister and her family. We do not speak to his brother and his wife, who really started all this trouble to begin with. We are OK with this arrangement. We realize our lives are better not having all these toxic people in it and they won't ever change, but, Tim deserved better from them, MUCH better. I have to take issue with these Karma-type quotes that you see, because the truth is, sometimes you can put a lot of good out in the world and really do the right thing by people, be there for them, etc, but it is NO guarantee that you will get a lot of that coming back atcha in your time of need. Tim and I are examples of that. We will celebrate with my family when his birthday rolls around and also plan to take a special vacation too.

So, what else? My older sister has accepted a job in Vermont and is moving within a month. She has had a vacation home there for about 7 years now. This is tough for me, in several ways, but, nothing stays the same, as Tim reminded me the other day. She is the only one in my family that lives close by too(just in the next town) so this important part of our support system is gone now. A little scary to think about, but, luckily, Olivia is older now and can stay home alone. It will be nerve-wracking though, not having that back-up anymore.

Our favorite tenant ever, Rose,  met a man and is moving in with him after 3 years in our rental. She is probably one of the nicest people I've ever met in my life. We will miss her. The place is re-rented to a nice couple, and, believe it or not, the woman is an oncology nurse where Tim is treated. She works in the leukemia division but knows Tim's doctors and nurses.

Tim has a check-up on Friday, so I am praying that he remains stable. PRAYING!

Other than all that, it's typical January stuff going on. Year end paperwork for the business, getting my taxes done, and trying to inspire myself to finally tackle all these jobs I've been procrastinating about for years around here. I know I'll feel better and less melancholy when I start ticking some of these things off the "LIST" but it's so hard to get started. Such dreadful chores and so hard to find them that important when I'm dealing with such a big problem in my life with Tim's health. One can get yourself so behind, it's overwhelming to even get started.

As always, I lament not living the life we want to live. We spend too much time making a living and doing all those things we HAVE to do and almost none of the things we WANT to do. It's an old complaint. I know I've said it here several times before. This year, we plan to try to make day trips on the weekends more. We just have to make up our little bucket list and start making it happen. Time's
a'wastin'.

Hope ya'll get to do some fun things you WANT to do in 2014.

Wrapping up

So, what to say about 2013. Tim remained stable-ish. Had a bad case of disseminated shingles for Easter, but, other than that, his doctors find his labs/case boring, and we LOVE boring when it comes to cancer markers. I lost another MM friend in Oct. and my friend lost her mom in Nov. It still seems like I am constantly hearing of cancer diagnosis, including another within Tim's family. Prostate, this time. Getting old is not for sissies, as I have said before. Life seems to be pock-marked with illnesses and deaths. Gets harder and harder to find the joie de vivre between the tough times.

Another year is in the rearview mirror and I have not managed to kick myself in the butt and get my spare room and basement organized, something I am embarrassed to say has been a LONG time coming and still hasn't come. Seems just when I seem to find some time, something else comes up to take up that time. Our favorite tenant ever, Rose, is moving after 3 years so, right before Christmas, I was faced, and still am, with the task of re-renting an apartment. There are times I wish I could sell this rental. I LOVE the house and sometimes think it would be a good place to retire, but, it has brought with it some real stress these last 7 years. Our real estate market has not sprung back yet though, and selling it now would be at a loss, so that is not an option.

Life is pretty much cruising along as normal. Too FAST, of course. The years all seem to sail by but this past one seemed particularly fast. As is also the norm, I feel that we do nothing but move from chore to chore and are not making any headway on the old "bucket list." I'd like to do more fun things this year. Tim always seems to be working and I always seem to be trying to keep my head above water whilst drowning in an endless list of "to-do's".

Tim turns 50 on Feb 3rd. A HUGE milestone. Half a century. Wow. I am in the beginning stages of planning a combined party with his friend's wife for Tim and his best buddy. Hope that goes well. I think Tim, Liv and I will be taking a big trip to celebrate in the spring. Maybe an island or something. I'm trying to be excited for their sake but am not. Not crazy about flying and really not crazy about going someplace with sub-par healthcare when there is a health issue on board. I don't want to ruin this for him so I will suck it up, I suppose.

It looks like 2014 will see my older sister moving to Vermont. She is interviewing for a job there now and plans to put her house here on the market in the spring. This will be weird for us. We have all stayed within an hour of where we grew up and she will be the first to move away. She is the only one that lives close enough to me to be considered a "support system" too. She lives in the next town, whereas my other sisters and my parents are a 45 to 50 minute ride, so that will present an issue for us, but, it is what it is. Unfortunately, their VT house is not just a few hour drive so we don't expect to be able to see them much. It's not even something you would do for a weekend. At 350 miles, it takes us 7 and 1/2 to 8 hours to get there with pit stops.

Nothing stays the same. Sometimes that's good, sometimes not. Nothing to do but try to make 2014 a good year.

Happy New Year! May God's blessings rain down on you and yours in 2014!

Never a "textbook" case

This past Tuesday, Olivia had her wisdom teeth pulled, as well as a molar that had been trapped by one of them, cut free and wiggled up. This was the first time she was having anesthesia or anything done for that matter. I wanted to go in with her until they put her to sleep but thought they wouldn't let me. They did, without me even asking. It was sad to watch, and I could feel my heart racing away, but I stay outwardly calm during tough stuff like this. When she was in recovery, they let me go in and sit with her. After a while, we got her up to a sitting position and she started vomiting. It was not pleasant. I was there with her alone, had to pull the gauze out of her mouth, which was stuck to her braces, so she wouldn't choke, and she was half asleep. I called for the nurse. She continued to vomit and it was getting a little upsetting because she was so asleep that she was having trouble clearing her throat. Suddenly, I felt a faint coming on. Ran to the waiting room by Tim and took a drink of water. I sat down and a nurse came out. They put me on a rolling chair, got me to a room and I laid on one of the treatment chairs and out I went. When it was over, I had not even realized I'd actually fainted and then was told I got sick to my stomach while I was out.
Thoughts of my mom's episode in Cape May came to mind. I was ticked. I don't faint from medical stuff or blood. What the heck!!! Can't anything in our lives go simply? Now they were taking care of both of us and I couldn't even be there with my kid. Tim was walking back and forth between the 2 rooms and I told him to just stay with Liv. They had to "stick" her again and give her IV Zofran. She still threw up. Eventually, she was not waking up  well and still nauseous. The doctor said, "her stomach is empty, she is dehydrated, I'm going to give her a bag of fluid and she will come around." He told Tim that this happens once or twice a month. So, the poor kid is still throwing up and gets stuck a third time for an IV. They gave her another dose of Zofran and finally, she stopped getting sick and after about a half bag of fluids, she started to come around. Tough day for our family. I was warned that if she ever gets anesthesia again, the doctor has to be told about this reaction so they can pre-med her with anti-nausea meds. I was ticked that I passed out and that always brings up fear with me due to my medical history. I spose I was a little dehydrated myself and being on blood pressure meds now, I guess the upset from watching my kid be that sick just made my BP drop too low. We did not leave for home until 3 hours after her surgery had been finished. Crazy. I have to get over it. I'm disappointed but, what can ya do. I guess I am going to have to be more careful about eating and drinking enough, especially when something stressful is going on. I called an MM friend of mine the other day. He told me that he was an EMT and on the rescue squad for years. Taught CPR classes, delivered babies on calls, saw horrendous accidents where people died and even saw decapitations. He was able to deal with all this without any problems. But, some years before, his 8 year old son had his thumb shut in the car door and this man passed out cold as they worked on him in the ER of the hospital. So, he said to me, "Denise, you were being a parent." It's been a big blow to me though to lose confidence in myself in that respect. I am around medical stuff A LOT with Tim. I sure don't want this to happen again. OY! It seems nothing goes smoothly for us. Luckily, I was able to get Liv thru the next few days with ibuprofen, as we were worried her gut wouldn't tolerate the narcotic pain meds, as my doesn't either. She is better, though still a bit sore. Had a lot of cutting and digging go on in her mouth, but, it's over and we're glad of it. Now, her orthodontist can finish up with her braces and she'll probably get them off sometime next year. That kid's smile has cost us 7500 bucks OUT OF POCKET. SHEESH! She's worth it but it's times like this I'm glad we only have one. Moving on.

2 years

The 23rd was 2 years since the big blowup with Tim's family. Also his parents' wedding anniversary.
Hard to imagine 2 years has blown by. 2 years of them hardly knowing us. I saw them for the first time in over 5 months last weekend. Dropped Liv off for a visit and talked to them for a few minutes when I picked her up. They came to a JV football game on Monday but my parents were there too so they talked to them most of the time. We were all at a varsity game last night that Liv was cheering at. I don't know if they realized my parents were there, as well as my sister Lori, who they are best friends with, but they did not look for us in the stands and sat somewhere else. We didn't even know they were there until we saw them walk out before the game ended. It was a shutout. We beat them soundly and it was cold so I guess they split because of that. Oh well. Is what it is. It's such a weird situation, but, the one thing I don't think any one of them realized, was that they are such toxic people, that many people find their quality of life is better not being around them. I used to feel some guilt over this. I don't anymore. I have NEVER said or done anything to those people like they said and did to me, and my family. I put up with this for 20 years. They were warned that we'd had enough. And, honestly, my husband is just about the most easy-going guy you would ever meet. If you hit his breaking point, man that is really saying something. That guy lets things roll off better than the majority of people. I hit my breaking point MANY times with his family. But, with Tim, when he hit it, he was done. And with me, I turn the other cheek SO MANY TIMES in relationships that if you use up all those "second chances" you really made your own bed. I still feel bad for Tim and Liv. It's too bad that these people showed them, over and over again, how very low on their priority list they were. Very sad, especially considering our circumstances. But, they did, and we got the message, and we decided to bump them down our own priority list. The result was, we got rid of a lot of negativity and aggravation from our lives. I could never stand being estranged from my own kid. But, I guess their need to blame others for everything and not take responsibility for what they did is more important to them. Takes all kinds, I always say. I saw this post on the MM facebook support group from a woman whose husband has MM and she was ranting about the people, even family, that backed out on them. I thought, "yep, been there, done that." A friend of mine put this quote on her facebook the other day. It said, "The only people I owe my loyalty to, are those who never made me question theirs." How fitting.