Drug stories

So a funny thing happened and a first for Tim's wood flooring business. We had a woman call
and ask Tim if he or his employee stole 3 vicadin out of her kitchen cabinet while they
were re-finishing her floors. To us, this is funny. You see Tim has a kitchen cabinet full of
painkillers, tranquilizers and heaven knows what all left over from his stem cell transplant and our employee has Crohn's disease, has had 2 surgeries on his gut ,and has his own cabinet full of stuff. His mom has MS so between our 2 households, we could keep the whole damn town
higher than a kite if we wanted to and certainly have no need to steal a few vicadins. Tim assured her that it was not them. We found out later from her brother that his brother-in-law had
recently been found to have a drinking problem and apparently booze wasn't his only vice and
he saw the day they were having work done on their house as a ideal chance to steal his wife's
new pain pills she got after oral surgery whilst throwing someone else under the bus for it. Kinda sad. By the way, if you have any Ativan around, I just found out a few weeks ago, it is the best
medicine for a hangover. We had a X-mas party a few weeks ago. Afterward, we went over to
our neighbors' whose party went even later than ours. Tim is not used to drinking that much
anymore and didn't think he had that much beer but when your party starts at 5p.m. and you
don't end till about 2 or 2:30 a.m., you can put down a few brews. He was so miserable the next morning. I was surprised. I checked his eyes before I left the neighbors' at 12:30 and he looked
fine. Tim was born cross-eyed. His eyes were operated on to straighten them but he has one
that is slightly weaker than the other and when he drinks, it tends to float in. I know he's buzzed
when I see that or really tired. When they both float in(this is rare), he's toast and it's time to cut him off! So he had this terrible headache and he was super nauseous. I said, "what the heck, let's try something from the
old cabinet." So I gave him 2 tylenol and 1 ativan and it was "good night nurse!" The boy was
out cold for 5 1/2 hours and when he woke up, it was dark again and he didn't know what hit him but he felt MUCH better. So the last funny drug story happened just awhile back at a
football game Olivia was cheerleading at. The mom of another cheerleader has some medical
problems and we talk shop a bit. She has lung issues and tells me that she wound up with some
fungal pneumonia thingy and I said, "you mean aspergillosis?" and she said "Yeah, that was it!"
Aspergillosis is something that used to be fatal and MM'ers and those going through transplant
can be at risk. It is also something you can get from smoking pot which is often contaminated with the fungus. This woman is 49, has a 19 year old and 11 year old twins. So kidding around
I said to her, "better stay away from pot," and she turned to me and said "WHAT?!!" I knew
she was too hip to be offended so I was surprised when she stopped watching the game and
looked at me so seriously. Well, it turned out she had smoked pot at a party. Hadn't done it
in many years and someone offered and she figured "what the heck." I laughed. I had been just
fooling around and it turns out she never knew this, why would she, but I guess I'm glad I
brought it up cause she has enough medical problems to deal with and could have gotten this
again and never known the cause. Ya just never know who parties hard. I am such a tea-totaller
compaired to most. I used to think I was pretty hip. My husband assures me I am SO not.
I guess I'm getting old.

What a year!

Well, I'm getting back on some solid ground it seems. My mammogram situation is finally
resolved, I think. I had 2 radiologists who disagreed on whether I needed further testing
or not so I went straight to a breast surgeon with all my mammos and he said, "I think you're
OK but let's do a sonagram." I was scared. We went to the hospital at 9 am with a snow storm
barelling down on us and I was convinced the technician saw something. She came back in and said it was normal.
I teared up. It's been a heck of a year. Thankfully, Tim has done wonderfully this year but
I have had a time of it and the trials of owning our 2-family house really put a damper on
things. I feel for my parents. Tim is like a son to them and his illness really hits them hard and of course I've had my problems. I have one sister getting a divorce. My youngest one just had her
mammogram flagged too and needs more testing and my older sister, who works part time
in the hospital I was in yesterday morning wound up in its ER at the same time with a gallbladder attack and
as a final HOO-RAH to a hard year, she offered up her gallbladder as a sacrifice to the "new
year Gods" last night. I told her that as much as I didn't want to see her go through this, I was glad it was her gallbladder and not my boob that had to be sacrificed. She felt the same way.
The girl's a trooper.
So even though I am behind with X-mas stuff, I am trying to squeeze out some joy now that
some hard times are behind us. Our new tenant moved in and so far, he seems nice. Hopefully,
we will have some smooth sailing on that front now. I will be glad to see 2008 end. All in all, it
has been really tough for so many people. The economy is going to "you know where" in a
hand basket and I wish this war could be ended. We really need this whole country to get
back on solid ground. I hope 2009 sees a lot of improvement in that respect.
Happy holidays to you and yours and best wishes for a blessed 2009.

Too many monkeys on my back

Well I guess if I didn't complain, I wouldn't be left with much to say. The fact is that
I just have too many bad things hitting me from all angles and I am sick, sick, SICK
of it all. It turns out my mammo situation is still not settled and my tenant is not
paying her rent. I had 2 deals fall through with new tenants and now finally have
a deal that looks like it will work(if a moving van shows up on the 15th, I guess it's
a go). I am still so behind around the house and just this week paid a very heavy
price(literally) for that. Tim called me a little after 5 pm the other day and had
just been pulled over in a police trap. It seems I misplaced the registration for his
work truck and it was 3 days past the expiration date. Tim got 2 tickets. Unfortunately,
the one ticket involved weighing the truck and you get charged by your weight for being
over the registered amount(which is 0 when you are unregistered). The 2 tickets together
will cost $1284.00. Merry X-mas from the NJ county police dept. Yippee! I went upstairs to
my room and just cried. I am so mad at myself. Here is my husband working and doing things
he should not be doing in his condition and I can't even hold up my end of the deal. Then we have
our tenant who apparantly thinks there's nothing wrong with jetting off to Disneyworld
while letting us support her and her kids. I am trying to find my grateful side. It's not that
we don't have the money, it's the principal of the thing. Many people who live in this area
and don't like it feel that there really are many more jerks living in this metropolitan area
and that it is different when you move out of it. I always wonder if it's true. I suspect it is
but Tim always tells me there are #%&*@#!'s everywhere you go and since I seem to be
a magnet for them, I guess they'd find me no matter where I went. I try so hard to change
my outlook but when things keep happening one after the other, one does get a bit disgusted.
BUT TIM HAS NO M-SPIKE and I am gonna keep reminding myself of that over and over.
And SANTA'S coming for crying out loud!! It's time to be happy. It's just so hard to soar like
an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys.
Dear Santa, SEND PROZAC

Answered prayers and false alarms

Well, it looks like I won't be trading in the old girls for anything "bigger and better."
A new doctor and a few more pix and it turns out the boobs are alright. When I called
to make the follow up to re-scan and ultrasound "lefty," they told me the next appt.
for that was Jan 2nd. I said, "you've gotta be kidding if you think I'm sitting on this
for that long." Welcome to NJ, the land of "too many freekin people." I called a few more
places and initially was squeezed in for Friday(no pun intended) and the lady called me right back and said,
"can you make it for noon today?" Of course I jumped at the chance to end this nightmare.
The doctor said that he didn't think my scans were any reason for concern in the first place.
Can you believe that? They re-scanned with the mammo but cancelled the sonagram and
said I definitely did not need and MRI. Someone was being a little too proactive due to a
sister's DCIS of a few years ago. Of course I'm happy but also a little ticked that we went through this at all.
I feel so bad that I took my family along for my mental breakdown but I am not real good
at keeping things to myself. I need to purge it outta me. I have spoken to several people on the myeloma listserv that have the situation
of the man having MM and the woman having breast cancer. One couple had both diagnosis
given on the same day. I knew that I could have just as easily been one of them. I am more
than a little irritated with my doctor and he has just been fired. He never called me even
after I left a message to do so and if he had ever bothered to pick up the phone, he probably
would have been able to give me a better idea of what the real deal was and save me a whole
lot of heartache and stress. Time to find a practice where I won't be just a number and they
don't give test results the way I received these. Back to the old "normal." I also got a call
back from the woman who said she wanted the apt. and she is taking it after all so several
good things going on to turn the tide of things around here. I am more than a little grateful
to have this turn out OK. I have had several times in my life when I had close calls like this
with very bad possible diagnosis and I was not sure if this was when I was not gonna dodge
it. Tomorrow's another day. Just soldiering on through here.

Some good news

We just got back from Tim's appt. and Zometa treatment. I walked in with a bad headache
and came out feeling great. He is still at zero and his numbers look better than ever. His
hemoglobin and white counts are just a hair below normal. This is the best his counts have
been especially since the hosp. snafu that had him shortchanged bigtime of stem cells during
his transplant. He had to eventually make his own and it took a long time for his blood counts
to recover. His labs look fan-freekin-tastic. I am so happy for him. The doc said that this means
a heckuva lot now that he is maintaining this. It is obviously his own immune system that is
keeping the lid on the MM as he has not had a chemo treatment since May 9th(Livvy's b-day)
obviously a blessed date for us! I am so happy he can go into the holiday season with this
great news. Last year was far different. Now I just gotta get through my appointments and
pray all goes well and hopefully things will simmer down a little. Man I wish my life could go
back to being boring. I didn't know how good I had it.

I don't know what to call this post

Well, I've said it before. My life is a roller coaster. I just found out last night from a recorded
message(more on that later) that a spot of "higher density" was found in my left breast on
my mammogram. I don't know what to say. I have to go for a sonagram and MRI now and
FEAR is overtaking me. I got on the phone and called my sisters, mom and mother-in-law.
This news was a toxin I just had to get out of me. How could this be happening to us? WHY?!
I actually skipped having a mammo last year as the new place I had to go to did not have the
digital machines up and running yet. Instead of calling back after the holidays, I put it off as
Tim had to go back on chemo and I had had a mammo just 1 or 2 years before and another
a few years before that in '02. I have been feeling some soreness in that breast as well as
some pelvic and low back pain so I had the sonagram to check all that out and scheduled the
mammogram on the same day. To say I just can't cut a break just doesn't even describe the
things that have happened to me in my life. I don't even have the energy to explain. Everyone
tells me "don't go there" when I say that it would be just my luck that it's cancer but how do
you not "go there"? God cannot be this cruel, can he? I have had nightmares ever since Tim
was diagnosed that I got diagnosed with some kind of cancer too so the fact that this is happening now is just my worst nightmare. I have had so much loss of sleep in the last 2 weeks.
I know I have sleep apnea and was going to go get tested and start taking better care of myself.
I have felt like hammered "you know what" the last few months. Waking up exhausted is not
helping me. I don't know who all reads this blog. As I have said in the past, I have only
told a very few people I know about it. It really is just my way of venting and I guess I am
feelng desperate enough that instead of not posting about this until I even know if there is a
problem, I am doing the opposite hoping that any prayers sent up on my family's behalf even by total strangers will help. To get back to how I found this out, my doctor's office has a new system
to inform people of test results. Get this. You get a laminated card with a box and pin number
on it. You get a recorded phone call when your test results are in. You call a toll free number
and enter your numbers to hear a recorded message from your doctor. I thought, well this means if he did not call me directly, it must be all OK cause a doctor can't possibly break bad
news to people like that right?! Wrong, even a doctor who knows you well and knows your
husband has cancer and delivered your 10 year old daughter apparently thinks this is a fine
method. AND the call came at 8 p.m. on a Saturday night when no one is working and I cannot
even ask him any questions concerning the results. How's that for the benefits of modern
technology?! Inexcusable is just one of the many words that come to mind. The other phrases
contain to many expletives to print. I am in shock. Tim just did an estimate 2 weeks ago for
people in a town just a few minutes from here where 3 kids are being raised by a nanny. Their
father died and 2 years later their mother died too. Where is the justice in that? This cannot
happen to my daughter. Please God, it just wouldn't be fair. I am in such
shock right now and so exhausted that I am stunned this post even makes sense. I have to
go show the apt. again today and I just don't care anymore. What a huge headache that place
has been. The new people that were supposed to rent it had the worst reference I ever got
and I had to tell them forget it. They are devastated and I was ticked. I am a magnet for liars.
The driveway contractor we used tried to screw us and I caught the whole deal and told him
to write up a new contract with the warranty he promised or I won't pay the balance. Now, he
is treatening to sue me and has added late fees to my bill. My blood pressure has been so high,
I was planning to go to the doc and will probably have to start meds which scares me so much.
If anybody reads this, I hope you'll send a little shout out to the "Big Guy" on our behalf. I
just don't know what else to say at this point.

Making history and myeloma good news

Well I have said that I was never that impressed with either of the presidential candidates
but I tend to vote democratic and I must say that I am hoping that the choice made will improve the racism problem in this country. I am pleased with the outcome
and even though I would vote Republican if I liked the candidate, I felt Palin was a huge error
made by the Republican party. I think most people shivered at the thought that she could wind
up being our commander in chief if something happened to McCain. SCARY stuff!! I actually felt
bad for McCain because I think he had a chance prior to her arrival on the scene. I think his hard work was all for nothing now. I am such an overempathizer. I feel sorry for everyone. Anyway,
I will say as far
as racism goes, Morgan Freeman said something in an interview that struck me and I always
think it of when the racism subject comes up. The interviewer was asking him a question about
him being the first black man to get an oscar or something like that(maybe he was not the first
but I think he was) and Mr. Freeman said very pointedly that racism is alive and well in this
country until people start referring to him as just "A MAN" and not a black man. It was one
heckuva point and the interviewer was a little taken aback if I remember correctly since he had just referred to him several times as a black man(OOPS). That simple
statement was a lightbulb moment and so true. Unfortunately racism is still rampant. I don't know if it will be otherwise in my lifetime but any improvement is better than none.
So onto myeloma news. I went to a Gilda's Club last night to hear Tim's doc give a speech. Dr.
Siegel actually treated Gilda Radner when he was at Sloan Kettering years ago.
I am so glad I made this meeting. I did not think I would learn too much but I did learn some things that put
me at ease. I wish I did not have to learn about this disease but I have to say I find it fascinating.
I was literally on the edge of my seat soaking up everything he said.
It is exciting to see the rapid progress being made and interesting to hear others' stories. It
gives me hope. Tim's doc is a great guy and smart as heck without having a huge ego. I have said
that he does shoot from the hip though and at times that is rough. The last talk he gave that I
attended had us all wishing we had swallowed a handful of Prozac before we arrived. He can
be a little pessimistic. But last night was different. It was plain to see that he feels all bets are
off when it comes to those old short life expectancies. He feels the staging systems have nothing
to do with outcome which I knew but for people who were diagnosed at stage III and obsessing,
they were obviously relieved. I left this speech feeling very hopeful as did a lot of other attendees. He admitted that there is so much that is not known about MM but we are making
progress bigtime. I think it must be exciting too for the doctors treating MM now that they can
really extend lives for long periods and in some cases cure folks. That's a good thing because excited doctors and researchers make big strides. Of course it helps alot too when drug companies see huge dollar signs, doesn't it. Whatever it takes, I say. As long as it keeps us
moving towards "manageable chronic disease" and eventually a cure.