Well I sold Tim's old truck. I have to admit, we are bumming a little. He just loved this
truck. It's got that old Ford, squared-off, masculine look and we bought it when we
were planning to have Olivia. It was what she came home from the hospital in when she
was born and
a lot of "family firsts" happened with that rig. Tim is fussy about his trucks and the
first guy who came to see it snapped it up and he is a HAPPY man. He picks it up
tomorrow. A somewhat unexpected snow today pushed it off a day. Tim said that
this new truck certainly takes the sting out of saying goodbye to the old one and I agree.
In myeloma news, we go for Tim's lab draw and then an appointment in these next 2 weeks.
We go every three months since he has been in CR. So different from when we were there
SO MUCH that we felt like we never left. Even when not on Velcade which brought us there
twice a week, when you are being checked monthly, you have 2 visits a month and even
that seems like you are always sweating things out thinking of them. I'm still doing a VERY
poor job of taking care of me and I'm feeling it. I NEED to start exercising. I have gained more
weight and though not heavy, this is heavy for me and most clothes either don't fit or don't
feel comfortable. I am exhausted all the time. I must say though that Tim's being in CR for this long as well as things going relatively
smoothly at our rental property has been a big help with my quality of life. I still find that
I get really angry when faced with unexpected disappointments with people in our life but
I guess you're always gonna have that. Though I may vent like crazy, I do try to always take
the high road. Quite frankly, I cannot find it in me to treat people the way I have been treated
at times in my life and I know that is a good thing. I also think that about the only thing you
can do is try to limit your exposure to people like this. I'm long past thinking that people change
and I really do not need the added stress in my life.
But I often seem to use the phrase, "it never ceases to amaze me" about the things people do, say and
the levels they stoop to. Luckily though, as I have said in the past, just when I think I want to
move to a deserted island, I meet someone or have something happen that restores my faith.
I have been going to bible classes on Wednesdays. It's just me and a small group of older women.
I feel at peace just sitting in church and being surrounded by these faithful folks. In March, it
will be 3 years since Tim's diagnosis. I feel like I am on much firmer ground since that year as
well as the very stressful 2008. I do not cry as much by far. Oh I still can start the waterworks
pretty easily if I think too much or the wrong song comes on the radio but I know that I need to
stay strong and frequent breakdowns used to wear me out. I can't say you ever accept it 100 percent but you do get to a place where you know this is your journey now and you have to make the best of it. I am always very grateful that Tim miraculously reached and maintained
a CR and do not take that for granted for a second. I am still planning a few family trips to try
to make the most of it too. The time is flying and I don't want to waste it. It's an eerie feeling though to be here. I wonder if I am getting complacent. Is there something I should be doing
to prepare for that other shoe dropping? I just don't know. Sometimes I ask myself if I have
really come to terms with this or if I'm in some kind of denial. One thing I do realize though is
that the controlling part of you wants to prepare and then the rational side of you realizes
that there's really no way to do that. How do you batten down the hatches for the unknown
and never before experienced scenerios that might or might not happen soon or far off in the
future. What a limbo this is. Hard to get used to it but the way it is nonetheless. Tim turns
46 next week. A blessing to say the least. I guess I still have work to do to get to that
"living in the moment" thing. As always, a work in progress.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Damn this war
I just found out today that our town will be having a procession Thursday to escort the body of a
25 year old marine home who just died last Thursday. I've met this guy. Some years ago,
I parted with my beloved turbo Mustang and it was he who bought it as his first car. We know his mom and stepfather too. He was married and now a young wife and whole family are devastated. He was just a few months away from coming back home to become a drill instructor.
He loved the marines and did 3 tours in Iraq. He was in Afghanistan now and just recently found out he was going to get a bronze star because he ran into heavy arms fire to rescue his superior officer who stepped on a mine. He
and another marine tied off the bleeding in what was left of the man's legs and carried him
out, saving his life. Now he stepped on a device himself and lost his young life. I just don't know
how the heck we are ever going to get ourselves out of these wars. It's so sad. I can't think of
anything more selfless than laying down your life like that for the freedoms of millions of people
you don't even know. Rest in Peace Sgt. Chris Hrbek. U.S.M.C.
25 year old marine home who just died last Thursday. I've met this guy. Some years ago,
I parted with my beloved turbo Mustang and it was he who bought it as his first car. We know his mom and stepfather too. He was married and now a young wife and whole family are devastated. He was just a few months away from coming back home to become a drill instructor.
He loved the marines and did 3 tours in Iraq. He was in Afghanistan now and just recently found out he was going to get a bronze star because he ran into heavy arms fire to rescue his superior officer who stepped on a mine. He
and another marine tied off the bleeding in what was left of the man's legs and carried him
out, saving his life. Now he stepped on a device himself and lost his young life. I just don't know
how the heck we are ever going to get ourselves out of these wars. It's so sad. I can't think of
anything more selfless than laying down your life like that for the freedoms of millions of people
you don't even know. Rest in Peace Sgt. Chris Hrbek. U.S.M.C.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Empty nesting
Well, we have made it through Olivia's first trip away from home. The sixth grade class in her
school goes away for a 2-night, 3 day trip to the Catskills every year. They go cross-country skiing, tubing, indoor rock climbing etc. Normally, I would chaperone a trip like this but when
these plans were made, Swine-flu hysteria was in full swing and neither Tim nor Olivia had the
shot by then so I felt the less exposure our family got during this cold and flu season, the better. This was also a great opportunity
to give Olivia a little independence and make her take responsibility for herself which is
a large part of the reason for this trip anyway. It was a little easier on us, separation wise,
as we had to drive her there because of her motion sickness. So she took dramamine each way
(it is a 2 hour ride) and was darn glad she did not take the bus when we heard of the puking
stories as soon as they arrived. We got to see the place and I think it helped Olivia with homesickness, though she has never had a big problem with it anyway, to have us drive her there and pick her up. This was a heavily chaperoned trip both by school staff and
parents so I had a woman or two that I knew going on the trip who would keep an eye on her.
I was half expecting to have Liv come home with empty luggage. She is terrible about keeping
track of her belongings. She has lost more things and we have turned around more times after
leaving somewhere because she leaves things behind constantly. So I packed her very lightly.
I told her that if she forgot something and it did not make it home, it would not be replaced,
least not on my dime. I know this sounds awful rigid but if you knew the amount of times she
has lost things and the very little progress she has made at improving, it's really a necessary thing to let her know that we are not going to keep buying things to replace what she has absentmindedly lost again. She kept asking if she could take this and that and I refused. I warned
her that taking all these meaningful things with her just put them at risk of being forgotten or
even stolen. Well everything went well. Tim was off work so I was not that lonely. We took the
opportunity to take our employee(he's family to us) and his girlfriend out to dinner and the only
thing that stinks is that we felt so left out. We missed getting to see Olivia ski and rock climb for
the first time and that's not something we're used to. A lot of the kids were homesick. Of course,
the boys were acting silly and throwing snowballs at the girls' cabin windows, led by one of the dads I believe. As far as I can tell, everything made it home and I told Olivia how proud I was that she did such a great job. The one unfortunate thing was a brat that we have had trouble with before decided it
would be fun if her and her friend started screaming at Olivia and her friend that a coyote was
there and coming after them. My poor kid ran for her life only to find out it was a lie and she was
quite shook up by the event. This brat needs some serious discipline and I'm debating talking to
the principal about it. She's always causing trouble. Though I told Olivia that she has to start taking everything this girl says with a grain of salt, of course being out there in that wilderness with turkeys and deer all about, she was so out of her element that she figured it could
be true. This is where being a chaperone is tricky with me. That girl would have gotten a heckuva talking to from me whether my kid was involved or not. I have little patience for bullies and low-down mean behavior. Oh well. There's one in every crowd I always say. We are glad to have
ol' twinkle toes home. I hate walking past her empty bedroom at night and it's one thing when she's at a sleepover 5 minutes away, quite different when she's up in the mountains 2 hours
away. I can really understand how folks can get into a funk when their kids go off to college or
move out. I better make sure I have some well established hobbies by then or I'll go bonkers
for certain.
school goes away for a 2-night, 3 day trip to the Catskills every year. They go cross-country skiing, tubing, indoor rock climbing etc. Normally, I would chaperone a trip like this but when
these plans were made, Swine-flu hysteria was in full swing and neither Tim nor Olivia had the
shot by then so I felt the less exposure our family got during this cold and flu season, the better. This was also a great opportunity
to give Olivia a little independence and make her take responsibility for herself which is
a large part of the reason for this trip anyway. It was a little easier on us, separation wise,
as we had to drive her there because of her motion sickness. So she took dramamine each way
(it is a 2 hour ride) and was darn glad she did not take the bus when we heard of the puking
stories as soon as they arrived. We got to see the place and I think it helped Olivia with homesickness, though she has never had a big problem with it anyway, to have us drive her there and pick her up. This was a heavily chaperoned trip both by school staff and
parents so I had a woman or two that I knew going on the trip who would keep an eye on her.
I was half expecting to have Liv come home with empty luggage. She is terrible about keeping
track of her belongings. She has lost more things and we have turned around more times after
leaving somewhere because she leaves things behind constantly. So I packed her very lightly.
I told her that if she forgot something and it did not make it home, it would not be replaced,
least not on my dime. I know this sounds awful rigid but if you knew the amount of times she
has lost things and the very little progress she has made at improving, it's really a necessary thing to let her know that we are not going to keep buying things to replace what she has absentmindedly lost again. She kept asking if she could take this and that and I refused. I warned
her that taking all these meaningful things with her just put them at risk of being forgotten or
even stolen. Well everything went well. Tim was off work so I was not that lonely. We took the
opportunity to take our employee(he's family to us) and his girlfriend out to dinner and the only
thing that stinks is that we felt so left out. We missed getting to see Olivia ski and rock climb for
the first time and that's not something we're used to. A lot of the kids were homesick. Of course,
the boys were acting silly and throwing snowballs at the girls' cabin windows, led by one of the dads I believe. As far as I can tell, everything made it home and I told Olivia how proud I was that she did such a great job. The one unfortunate thing was a brat that we have had trouble with before decided it
would be fun if her and her friend started screaming at Olivia and her friend that a coyote was
there and coming after them. My poor kid ran for her life only to find out it was a lie and she was
quite shook up by the event. This brat needs some serious discipline and I'm debating talking to
the principal about it. She's always causing trouble. Though I told Olivia that she has to start taking everything this girl says with a grain of salt, of course being out there in that wilderness with turkeys and deer all about, she was so out of her element that she figured it could
be true. This is where being a chaperone is tricky with me. That girl would have gotten a heckuva talking to from me whether my kid was involved or not. I have little patience for bullies and low-down mean behavior. Oh well. There's one in every crowd I always say. We are glad to have
ol' twinkle toes home. I hate walking past her empty bedroom at night and it's one thing when she's at a sleepover 5 minutes away, quite different when she's up in the mountains 2 hours
away. I can really understand how folks can get into a funk when their kids go off to college or
move out. I better make sure I have some well established hobbies by then or I'll go bonkers
for certain.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Denise the computer challanged successfully posts a photo. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well, I finally did it. Uploaded a photo. Here are Tim and Olivia with Tim's new ride.
Wow, this was the most fun ever surprising him for Christmas. It is not an easy "row to hoe" trying to get one over on Tim. He always guesses. He never imagined I would go this far.
This past X-mas was our 25th together. Unbelievable how fast the time goes. We just got back from our first road trip in the "family truckster". She rides like a dream and the inside of the
cab is huge. Our little Livvy was just lost in the back seat, it is so roomy. We took a few days
and went up to the Berkshire mountains in western Mass. Tim and I went there several times
years ago when a family friend owned a B & B up there and I have to say it is one of the most
beautiful areas I have ever seen. The houses are just stunning. Tim and I are into the old
architectural styles. The landscapes are even prettier. We got more snow while we were up
there and I swear it was like driving through a Christmas card scene. If ya ever get the chance
to visit the Stockbridge/Lenox Mass. area, I highly recommend it. Happy New Year y'all!!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Christmas surprises
So the big surprise is that I bought Tim a brand new 2010 four-door Ford
pick-up truck with all the bells and whistles. At around 11:00 yesterday morning, after
my family had arrived for our Christmas brunch, I brought everyone outside and called
one of my brothers-in-law on his cell phone and down the street he came with my niece
and nephew in the truck with a bow on the grill and balloons flying. It was magic. I turned
to Tim and said "Merry Christmas, nobody deserves this more than you." He actually
teared up for a few seconds. He was blown away. He was so stunned that he was speechless.
I had his parents there to see this too and everyone was so happy for him. After some cold
sweats I had in the last 2 and a half weeks hoping I would get everything right and that he
would not be disappointed that he didn't pick it out himself, I am very relieved now because
he LOVES it. Unfortunately it is raining and downright nasty today and he so wanted to
go out and play with it. We plan to go spend a few days up in the Berkshires in Massachusetts
now so it will be great fun to drive our new rig there tomorrow. I hate to even include this with this happy post but right out of the "there's one in every crowd" file, his sister-in-law showed
up with his brother and their kids last night for dessert at his parents' house, where we have
dinner every year. She was in a nasty mood and out of her incredible selfishness and jealousy
decided to walk in the door and level a personal insult right at us(namely me) about the truck. I guess the little wench just could not stand the fact that Tim and I have no problem affording a new rig(not that it does not require some careful thought) and have supported ourselves our whole lives without help while she has had to rely on several sets of parents and grandparents to put a roof over her head, support them and even put diapers on her kids butts for years while she was getting manicures, hairdos, and spending everything her husband made and more on jewelry, clothes, new cars and decorating the house she could not afford. Her poor mother had to move into their moldy basement and pay them rent to live there so they didn't lose their house. After the callous remark, I shot a comment
and a look to her and had to walk into the other room to keep from knocking her unconscious
and if you think I am exaggerating there, you'd be wrong. We already could not stand this
jerk but now after crapping on our special day, she is dead to us. I want nothing to do with
this witch as long as I live. The fact that she could not let us have this little bit of happiness
after all that we have been through is just unforgiveable. It's a darn shame that her children
have grown up immersed in their mother's selfishness, narcissism and two-faced, back-stabbing
personality. I truly feel bad for them. We do not have room in our lives anymore for someone like that. Once again, she was the "turd in the punchbowl" of our family celebration yesterday. To end
on a happy note(well kinda), there are lessons to be learned in all our hard times. Somehow, something good will come
of this I'm sure. However, just to be sure there is some justice in this harsh world we live in, I must now find a bumper sticker for my husband's new truck that says, "Warning: we don't brake for selfish, immature b------ who don't know when to keep their obnoxious pie-holes shut." So here's to you Lee Ann, hope Santa's sending you that coal enema for Christmas next year!!! Nobody deserves it more than you. I probably should point out again that I have never
given this blog site info to more than a few of my friends and though I wouldn't mind for my EX sister-in-law to read this, I have told her before in no uncertain terms what I think of her anyway.
ON TO NEW YEAR'S!!!! Yahooo!!! KEEP ON TRUCKIN' !
pick-up truck with all the bells and whistles. At around 11:00 yesterday morning, after
my family had arrived for our Christmas brunch, I brought everyone outside and called
one of my brothers-in-law on his cell phone and down the street he came with my niece
and nephew in the truck with a bow on the grill and balloons flying. It was magic. I turned
to Tim and said "Merry Christmas, nobody deserves this more than you." He actually
teared up for a few seconds. He was blown away. He was so stunned that he was speechless.
I had his parents there to see this too and everyone was so happy for him. After some cold
sweats I had in the last 2 and a half weeks hoping I would get everything right and that he
would not be disappointed that he didn't pick it out himself, I am very relieved now because
he LOVES it. Unfortunately it is raining and downright nasty today and he so wanted to
go out and play with it. We plan to go spend a few days up in the Berkshires in Massachusetts
now so it will be great fun to drive our new rig there tomorrow. I hate to even include this with this happy post but right out of the "there's one in every crowd" file, his sister-in-law showed
up with his brother and their kids last night for dessert at his parents' house, where we have
dinner every year. She was in a nasty mood and out of her incredible selfishness and jealousy
decided to walk in the door and level a personal insult right at us(namely me) about the truck. I guess the little wench just could not stand the fact that Tim and I have no problem affording a new rig(not that it does not require some careful thought) and have supported ourselves our whole lives without help while she has had to rely on several sets of parents and grandparents to put a roof over her head, support them and even put diapers on her kids butts for years while she was getting manicures, hairdos, and spending everything her husband made and more on jewelry, clothes, new cars and decorating the house she could not afford. Her poor mother had to move into their moldy basement and pay them rent to live there so they didn't lose their house. After the callous remark, I shot a comment
and a look to her and had to walk into the other room to keep from knocking her unconscious
and if you think I am exaggerating there, you'd be wrong. We already could not stand this
jerk but now after crapping on our special day, she is dead to us. I want nothing to do with
this witch as long as I live. The fact that she could not let us have this little bit of happiness
after all that we have been through is just unforgiveable. It's a darn shame that her children
have grown up immersed in their mother's selfishness, narcissism and two-faced, back-stabbing
personality. I truly feel bad for them. We do not have room in our lives anymore for someone like that. Once again, she was the "turd in the punchbowl" of our family celebration yesterday. To end
on a happy note(well kinda), there are lessons to be learned in all our hard times. Somehow, something good will come
of this I'm sure. However, just to be sure there is some justice in this harsh world we live in, I must now find a bumper sticker for my husband's new truck that says, "Warning: we don't brake for selfish, immature b------ who don't know when to keep their obnoxious pie-holes shut." So here's to you Lee Ann, hope Santa's sending you that coal enema for Christmas next year!!! Nobody deserves it more than you. I probably should point out again that I have never
given this blog site info to more than a few of my friends and though I wouldn't mind for my EX sister-in-law to read this, I have told her before in no uncertain terms what I think of her anyway.
ON TO NEW YEAR'S!!!! Yahooo!!! KEEP ON TRUCKIN' !
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Curse of the snowblower
If there is one person in the world I DO NOT want to be tomorrow, it is the first person
my husband encounters at the small engine repair shop in the morning. 2 years ago, not long after Tim's
transplant, he took our $1200.00 snow blower out to clean our large driveway in a storm
and after 15 feet, we heard a loud bang and she seized up. Apparently, she threw a rod right through the block. Tim just shook his head and put
it back in the garage where it leaked oil all over the floor and a-shovelling we did go both
at our house as well as the extra large driveway at our rental around the block. I begged him
that summer to fix it before the next winter because he tends to procrastinate. True to form,
he did not listen to me and a-shovelling we did go all last winter when it snowed. This year he took
it in and the guy talked him into a rebuilt motor instead of new. He picked it up and even though something runs OK when you start it, you never know how it will do with snow. We woke
up to about 8 inches of the white stuff today and the blower would not stay running and then the
motor blew up. Unbelievable. So tomorrow Tim is going back to the shop and telling the dude
he wants his 300 clams back and despite this stupid machine being(or supposed to be) the best
you can buy, we are buying a brandy new one in a different brand. I love snow but with our bad
backs and all this darn driveway space, I really dread the big storms. 2 or 3 inches would have been fine. More later on why it just CAN'T snow this Christmas. It's already showing a possibility on the weather channel and I may lose a lot of sleep this week over that. Major thanks to brother-in-law #1 today for coming over with his monster plow and helping us out.
my husband encounters at the small engine repair shop in the morning. 2 years ago, not long after Tim's
transplant, he took our $1200.00 snow blower out to clean our large driveway in a storm
and after 15 feet, we heard a loud bang and she seized up. Apparently, she threw a rod right through the block. Tim just shook his head and put
it back in the garage where it leaked oil all over the floor and a-shovelling we did go both
at our house as well as the extra large driveway at our rental around the block. I begged him
that summer to fix it before the next winter because he tends to procrastinate. True to form,
he did not listen to me and a-shovelling we did go all last winter when it snowed. This year he took
it in and the guy talked him into a rebuilt motor instead of new. He picked it up and even though something runs OK when you start it, you never know how it will do with snow. We woke
up to about 8 inches of the white stuff today and the blower would not stay running and then the
motor blew up. Unbelievable. So tomorrow Tim is going back to the shop and telling the dude
he wants his 300 clams back and despite this stupid machine being(or supposed to be) the best
you can buy, we are buying a brandy new one in a different brand. I love snow but with our bad
backs and all this darn driveway space, I really dread the big storms. 2 or 3 inches would have been fine. More later on why it just CAN'T snow this Christmas. It's already showing a possibility on the weather channel and I may lose a lot of sleep this week over that. Major thanks to brother-in-law #1 today for coming over with his monster plow and helping us out.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
This made me smile today
I went to our MM support group meeting today. Afterward, I spent an hour talking to a man that I met
some months ago not long after his diagnosis. I have not seen him since then. He had an auto
transplant in the interim. Our lives are on very similar paths. Our daughters are the same age.
Both his wife and myself bought a real estate investment right before our husbands were diagnosed. He was diagnosed during a bout with sepsis, I think, as was Tim though this man's was a much more frightening experience. But what made me smile was that after telling him
about my X-mas surprise for my husband and talking about living for today, he held up
his car keys which were on a fob and though my eyesight is going, I recognized the Porsche
emblem on the fob. He went out and bought a gorgeous yellow Carrera a few months ago.
A convertable no less.
He bought it used from someone in Seattle I think and did a cross country trek to get it
home with some friends bopping in here and there to do legs of the trip with him.
HOW COOL IS THAT??!!! As we left and I heard that thing purr in the underground garage
of the building, I could not stop thinking about the whole Carpe Diem deal(and missing my old turbo Mustang with the "4 on the floor") It made me sure that
I did the right thing for Tim this Christmas. (If you don't hear from me on this blog again, it means he killed me) Don't worry, I have lined up a lot of witnesses. Not sure that would worry
him at all though. So I'm gonna keep trying to live for today. I worry too much about the future.
Normal I guess and necessary sometimes but ya can't get lost in it. I'm much better at it now than I was 2 years ago. A work in progress. Note to self: buy the sports car.
"I just wanna live while I'm alive" Jon Bon Jovi
some months ago not long after his diagnosis. I have not seen him since then. He had an auto
transplant in the interim. Our lives are on very similar paths. Our daughters are the same age.
Both his wife and myself bought a real estate investment right before our husbands were diagnosed. He was diagnosed during a bout with sepsis, I think, as was Tim though this man's was a much more frightening experience. But what made me smile was that after telling him
about my X-mas surprise for my husband and talking about living for today, he held up
his car keys which were on a fob and though my eyesight is going, I recognized the Porsche
emblem on the fob. He went out and bought a gorgeous yellow Carrera a few months ago.
A convertable no less.
He bought it used from someone in Seattle I think and did a cross country trek to get it
home with some friends bopping in here and there to do legs of the trip with him.
HOW COOL IS THAT??!!! As we left and I heard that thing purr in the underground garage
of the building, I could not stop thinking about the whole Carpe Diem deal(and missing my old turbo Mustang with the "4 on the floor") It made me sure that
I did the right thing for Tim this Christmas. (If you don't hear from me on this blog again, it means he killed me) Don't worry, I have lined up a lot of witnesses. Not sure that would worry
him at all though. So I'm gonna keep trying to live for today. I worry too much about the future.
Normal I guess and necessary sometimes but ya can't get lost in it. I'm much better at it now than I was 2 years ago. A work in progress. Note to self: buy the sports car.
"I just wanna live while I'm alive" Jon Bon Jovi
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
