Tomorrow morning, I check in for a cardiac ablation. I'm amazed at how differently I handle stress these days. In years past, I would not be able to concentrate and I'd be a nervous wreck leading up to something. Now, I put off the worry until that day, and I guess I have too much to do to sit around obsessing. I am hoping that the process is not too bad. One doc said they'd put me out, the one doing it tomorrow said I'd be awake for most/all of it. I think I like the PUT ME OUT version better but, he's the boss. I'm looking forward to having this in my rearview mirror. I am really hoping that it works and takes care of this problem, once and for all. This black out and fainting stuff ruined my life for MANY years, and though you can't "cry over spilt milk" or change anything, the more I hear how common this is, the more aggravated I get that it was not diagnosed so long ago, when I first sought answers. I just spoke to my neighbor, who is giving Liv a lift to school in the morning and her son has had similar problems and is starting to have some of the same tests I had years ago. I told her, "I'd get him to an electrophysiologist." Wish someone had told me that all those years ago. So, wish me luck!
Yesterday, my pastor, knowing I've always wanted to hear his daughter sing "Amazing Grace" (she has a beautiful voice) had her sing it to me yesterday, during church service. He sang with her and they both played guitars. This was unexpected and I cried through the rest of the service. Such a nice thing to do for me. He said a prayer with me, as I received communion, and I was so touched by all this, I bawled all the way home. I am blessed.
On a not happy note at all, I have not posted about Paula. Words fail me when I try to explain Paula, but most of you already know her and understand that. I cried like a baby when I read that she'd died. Another bright light extinguished by this damn myeloma. 42. I mean really! 42 years old. I will never be able to wrap my brain around things like this. She was so brave, so darn funny, right up to her last post. She had e-mailed me privately a few weeks ago, asking what I might know about the condition she'd gotten from the MM (she'd seen me comment about it on another blog some time ago) and she apologized for "laying this on me" and was more worried about her beloved Bernard than herself. Really, I just can't seem to find the words to describe how awesome she was and I saw that through a computer screen. I'm sure she was absolutely mind-boggling in person. I so wish this woman was able to stay here. What a huge loss this is, to so many people. We all got ripped off, but of course, she did most of all. My heart goes out to Bernard (and Buddy too.) I wish them God's peace and grace as they move forward from this hard, hard time.
I miss you Paula, and I will NEVER forget you! xx
Monday, June 18, 2012
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Tough week
This week, I learned that Sean Tiernan, from the UK, died of MM. It is sobering, scary, and depressing to know how fast things can turn. His brother, Nigel, who was his donor for his allo, told us on his blog that it was pneumonia that was the culprit. From what I understand, pneumonia and kidney failure are the top 2 things that take an MM'ers life. I would think that sepsis is probably up there too. Sean was an MM'er whose disease refused to back down, to whatever they threw at it. I am always just ever so slightly comforted though, when I know someone has had an allo transplant, when chemo was failing them. At least, you know they left no stone unturned in fighting this damn disease. I know a lot of people are against allos, but after meeting people, in person and on the internet, who were saved by them, had long remissions, and in a few cases, were cured, I think they are a useful tool, especially when chemos are failing and options are few. I feel awful for Sean and his family. I know this is a huge loss for those who loved this special, dynamic man. In his last post, he talked about driving his bright yellow car, and how it cheered him up. I intend to wear bright yellow on the day of his service to pay homage to him. I admire his attitude and fighting spirit.
Things did not go well for our family this week, either. I had another episode of SVT and Tim rushed me to the ER at 6 in the morning. This one was slower than the last and I used some of the techniques they told me about to try to stop it, and after coughing repeatedly in the truck on the way to the hospital, I broke the arrhythmia. I decided to go to the ER and get hooked up to an EKG monitor just to be sure I was out of the woods and that wound up being a bad decision. My EKG was abnormal and they thought I'd had a heart attack. They gave me aspirin, more BP meds, and asked me questions about pain or vomiting, and I knew where they were going. They were about to rush me, by ambulance, to their main hospital(this hospital is being taken over by the one Tim uses for his MM, but is not fully open yet, just the ER and a few testing labs). Luckily, the doc checked my EKG from their records, from when I wound up in their main ER 6 weeks prior, and saw that my EKG was abnormal then. I think my EKG's have always been abnormal, least that's what I was told, but am unsure if this is a new snafu, or what.
I think I'm gonna have to walk around with EKG strips in my purse 'cause this sets off alarms every time and the docs scare the heck out of me. They then saw something new in my heart on the chest x-ray and decided to do a CT scan, with contrast, to make sure I did not pass a pulmonary embolism into my heart. ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?! I'm thinking, "it was SVT again, just send me home!" When all was said and done, I went home with orders to get back to the electrophysiologist the next day, and a HUGE, ugly bruise at the IV site.
I saw the head of the electrophysiology practice the next morning, nice guy, who said it's time to get going with this ablation procedure. Told me my risk of walking around like this is much higher than the risks of this technique and he does not want me going on vacation before it's done. OKEY DOKE. So we are setting it up for this month. Possibly the 19th. I am a bit more nervous about this SVT business, because this one was sparked off after one of my little skippy heart beats and that happens to me ALL the time. I'm also on a BP med that is supposed to stop arrhythmias, so it's a bit disconcerting that this still happened, despite that. The good thing is, I realize this procedure really is not a choice for me, and I HATE making scary decisions. Also, this doc explained things even further, and told me that if this thing is what he thinks I have (something called a bypass tract),
they will be in a safer area of my heart to fix it and the risk of damaging the good electrical nodes, and needing a pacemaker then, is pretty much non-existant. That's GOOD to know. The hardest part is upsetting my kid. That poor girl has seen way too much, in the way of medical scares, and I had to wake her up, tell her I was going to the ER, and she had to get ready for school in an empty house, and call her friend to see if her mom could give her a lift. I drive this friend home from school everyday,(her mom works) so that's not an issue, but I so wish Liv's life did not have to be so hard.
Last week, she called me into the living room. She was watching "Say yes to the dress," a show about picking out wedding gowns, and the bride-to-be's father has MM, and amyloidosis. He walked her down the aisle, then married them(he is a minister) and then spoke about how glad he was that he was still alive for her wedding. CR**. I told her that having Amyloidosis is pretty bad(though in truth, I know people doing very well with it, it depends which kind you have) and so kinda hinted like THAT was the deadly part. OIY! The older they get, the harder it is to hide things from them.
Anyway, the upside to all this heart stuff, is that I have had fainting spells and heartrate issues since I was about 12. It only took 35 LONG, screwed up years, but I think they finally have it all figured out, and I am hoping it will all be a thing of the past, once this procedure is done. I just have to believe that these scary episodes were God's way of getting me all fixed up.
For now, we are still soldiering on, just sporting a few "war wounds" it seems.
Things did not go well for our family this week, either. I had another episode of SVT and Tim rushed me to the ER at 6 in the morning. This one was slower than the last and I used some of the techniques they told me about to try to stop it, and after coughing repeatedly in the truck on the way to the hospital, I broke the arrhythmia. I decided to go to the ER and get hooked up to an EKG monitor just to be sure I was out of the woods and that wound up being a bad decision. My EKG was abnormal and they thought I'd had a heart attack. They gave me aspirin, more BP meds, and asked me questions about pain or vomiting, and I knew where they were going. They were about to rush me, by ambulance, to their main hospital(this hospital is being taken over by the one Tim uses for his MM, but is not fully open yet, just the ER and a few testing labs). Luckily, the doc checked my EKG from their records, from when I wound up in their main ER 6 weeks prior, and saw that my EKG was abnormal then. I think my EKG's have always been abnormal, least that's what I was told, but am unsure if this is a new snafu, or what.
I think I'm gonna have to walk around with EKG strips in my purse 'cause this sets off alarms every time and the docs scare the heck out of me. They then saw something new in my heart on the chest x-ray and decided to do a CT scan, with contrast, to make sure I did not pass a pulmonary embolism into my heart. ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?! I'm thinking, "it was SVT again, just send me home!" When all was said and done, I went home with orders to get back to the electrophysiologist the next day, and a HUGE, ugly bruise at the IV site.
I saw the head of the electrophysiology practice the next morning, nice guy, who said it's time to get going with this ablation procedure. Told me my risk of walking around like this is much higher than the risks of this technique and he does not want me going on vacation before it's done. OKEY DOKE. So we are setting it up for this month. Possibly the 19th. I am a bit more nervous about this SVT business, because this one was sparked off after one of my little skippy heart beats and that happens to me ALL the time. I'm also on a BP med that is supposed to stop arrhythmias, so it's a bit disconcerting that this still happened, despite that. The good thing is, I realize this procedure really is not a choice for me, and I HATE making scary decisions. Also, this doc explained things even further, and told me that if this thing is what he thinks I have (something called a bypass tract),
they will be in a safer area of my heart to fix it and the risk of damaging the good electrical nodes, and needing a pacemaker then, is pretty much non-existant. That's GOOD to know. The hardest part is upsetting my kid. That poor girl has seen way too much, in the way of medical scares, and I had to wake her up, tell her I was going to the ER, and she had to get ready for school in an empty house, and call her friend to see if her mom could give her a lift. I drive this friend home from school everyday,(her mom works) so that's not an issue, but I so wish Liv's life did not have to be so hard.
Last week, she called me into the living room. She was watching "Say yes to the dress," a show about picking out wedding gowns, and the bride-to-be's father has MM, and amyloidosis. He walked her down the aisle, then married them(he is a minister) and then spoke about how glad he was that he was still alive for her wedding. CR**. I told her that having Amyloidosis is pretty bad(though in truth, I know people doing very well with it, it depends which kind you have) and so kinda hinted like THAT was the deadly part. OIY! The older they get, the harder it is to hide things from them.
Anyway, the upside to all this heart stuff, is that I have had fainting spells and heartrate issues since I was about 12. It only took 35 LONG, screwed up years, but I think they finally have it all figured out, and I am hoping it will all be a thing of the past, once this procedure is done. I just have to believe that these scary episodes were God's way of getting me all fixed up.
For now, we are still soldiering on, just sporting a few "war wounds" it seems.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Ticker update
I went to an electrophysiologist on the 15th. I have to say, I REALLY liked this guy. Very calm, confident, and he took his time, making sure all my questions were answered. As I watched him speak, I'm thinking, "who does this guy remind me of?" I realized he looks like my brother-in-law. The good brother-in-law. Anyhoo, this is what he said: I have an extra electrical pathway in my heart. He said I've always had this. He said that this condition, and the neuro-cardio syncope, have probably been irritating/triggering each other all along. I was 19 when I started seeing doctors trying to find out why I had tachycardia and fainting spells. I am almost 47 before the whole puzzle is being figured out. My life would have been VERY different if they had put all this together years ago. Anyway, he recommended an ablation. He said that normally, in a person my age, they would just go with meds, but he did not like that my heart rate got up to 256 bpm and said that that can definitely render you unconscious(it almost did) and this is not something you want to happen on a plane or on vacation when not near a hospital. He told me some of the risks. 1% of patients wind up with damage to their normal electrical system and you wind up with a pacemaker for the rest of your life. Well, that would suck. In some people, it doesn't work all the way and they have to do it a second time. But he's confident that this will be a "knock the ball out of the park" procedure for me, and well worth it. It's actually his partner that he recommended do the surgery. He said he does LOTS of them. He said the other condition would probably improve after this ablation, and that, if not, they have medication for it that helps. But the electrical issue would be cured. I think I'm going to do it after our vacation to the shore July 4th week. I'm pretty calm about things now. He didn't seem to agree with my cardiologist that this was as deadly as he'd said it was. A woman from our MM support group meeting, 2 days later, told me that her husband had this done and that it was a piece of cake, and he'd been fine ever since. Another wife has this same condition and she was put on cardizem and it never happened again. This new doc said that the BP meds my cardiologist has put me on would help stop tachycardias, and my cardiologist had told me that. But, it's not as foolproof as going in and cauterizing the bad spot in my ticker. So that is the scoop. I have to try not to get myself riled up, in the interim. I have always noticed that big shots of adrenaline screw my heartbeat up bigtime. But, so much for staying calm, 'cause here is what happened to me today. I went to the post office, a 2 block walk from here. Took my Lacey puppy. It had rained earlier. While outside the post office, I stopped over on the side of the sidewalk(a wide walkway, our town gets a lot of foot traffic) to get all my mail together. I dash into the outside area of the post office and slip them quickly in the slot and dash out, 'cause I have the dog. Well, this guy, I'd say he was in his 30's, walked past us and I never saw him coming. Lacey jumped up to say hello and her paws hit his khakis before I could pull her back fast enough. Now, I ALWAYS make sure my dog can't jump on anyone. Some people come up and welcome it, but that is their choice. I use a VERY short leash for walks in crowds. I don't let her bother anyone. Not everyone wants puppy kisses and such.
I quickly said, "OH I am SO sorry. I did not see you coming," in an extremely apologetic tone. He walked a few steps, saw the damp, dirty footprint, and said in a really nasty tone, "THANKS!"
I threw my arms out and said, "She's a puppy." and he says to me "F*** YOU!" as he is crossing the street. Now I am mad. I said, "If this is the worst thing that happens to you today, then you're pretty lucky!" I walked home just amazed that this just happened. Sometimes, I HATE living in NJ and I have to ask here,
IS THERE ANYONE LIVING IN THIS STATE WHO IS NOT ON BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS?!!!!!!!! I mean, honestly, it was unintentional. I apologized quite heartily. I didn't see the dude coming! I go to take a little stroll to town with my doggie to run an errand and THAT is what you get. Pass me my calcium channel blockers, PUH-LEASE!
I quickly said, "OH I am SO sorry. I did not see you coming," in an extremely apologetic tone. He walked a few steps, saw the damp, dirty footprint, and said in a really nasty tone, "THANKS!"
I threw my arms out and said, "She's a puppy." and he says to me "F*** YOU!" as he is crossing the street. Now I am mad. I said, "If this is the worst thing that happens to you today, then you're pretty lucky!" I walked home just amazed that this just happened. Sometimes, I HATE living in NJ and I have to ask here,
IS THERE ANYONE LIVING IN THIS STATE WHO IS NOT ON BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS?!!!!!!!! I mean, honestly, it was unintentional. I apologized quite heartily. I didn't see the dude coming! I go to take a little stroll to town with my doggie to run an errand and THAT is what you get. Pass me my calcium channel blockers, PUH-LEASE!
Friday, May 11, 2012
THAT'S IT!!!!!!!
Today I went back to my regular cardiologist to have my BP checked. Still too high so he is upping the meds. It's weird 'cause I get some lovely readings, like 120/78, but then still get some bad ones 140/100 or so. Guess what it was in the doc's office? Drum roll please.....180/110. How do ya like them apples?!
Talk about your white coat syndrome. Wonder what it would be at the hot dentist's office? ;o) But, I digress. Anyway, the nurse took it when I first got in the room, and after the doc came in and spoke to me for a bit, he went to take it himself and I laughed at him. I said, "You can't think this will be lower with you here." He finished and said, "You're right, it wasn't." I can't quite figure this guy out. I know I like him better than some of the other docs in this practice but he has this way of "checking up" if the conversation gets even the least bit friendly or personal. It's so rare to see even a hint of a smile on him. The man needs a little animation. The good news was that I came right out and asked him if this ablation procedure could cure all this irregular beat and rhythm stuff I've had with my heart forever, and stop the blackouts and fainting spells that ruined half of my life. He said that it definitely could. I was
really glad to hear that. What a blessing to not have to think or deal with all that anymore, if that is indeed the case. Well, I'll know more on Tuesday, I suppose. Now, back to my blog title. Today on facebook, a woman from St. Louis posted a saying and it was a SUPER LIGHTBULB MOMENT for me. It said, I DIDN'T LOSE MY MIND, IT GOT SCARED AND RAN AWAY. That's it folks!!!Lorna, did you hear that? That is what happened. We haven't lost our minds. They just got spooked when the sh** hit the fan and ran off on holiday for awhile. Phew!!! I feel so much better now.
And speaking about things that make your heart go pitter-pat, check out the dude my sis was standing in line with in Disney. She snapped off a few pics, solely by accident, of course! *wink*
And, the tat on his arm says USMC......YA THINK?!!!!
Disney is a magical place! ;o)
Talk about your white coat syndrome. Wonder what it would be at the hot dentist's office? ;o) But, I digress. Anyway, the nurse took it when I first got in the room, and after the doc came in and spoke to me for a bit, he went to take it himself and I laughed at him. I said, "You can't think this will be lower with you here." He finished and said, "You're right, it wasn't." I can't quite figure this guy out. I know I like him better than some of the other docs in this practice but he has this way of "checking up" if the conversation gets even the least bit friendly or personal. It's so rare to see even a hint of a smile on him. The man needs a little animation. The good news was that I came right out and asked him if this ablation procedure could cure all this irregular beat and rhythm stuff I've had with my heart forever, and stop the blackouts and fainting spells that ruined half of my life. He said that it definitely could. I was
really glad to hear that. What a blessing to not have to think or deal with all that anymore, if that is indeed the case. Well, I'll know more on Tuesday, I suppose. Now, back to my blog title. Today on facebook, a woman from St. Louis posted a saying and it was a SUPER LIGHTBULB MOMENT for me. It said, I DIDN'T LOSE MY MIND, IT GOT SCARED AND RAN AWAY. That's it folks!!!Lorna, did you hear that? That is what happened. We haven't lost our minds. They just got spooked when the sh** hit the fan and ran off on holiday for awhile. Phew!!! I feel so much better now.
And speaking about things that make your heart go pitter-pat, check out the dude my sis was standing in line with in Disney. She snapped off a few pics, solely by accident, of course! *wink*
And, the tat on his arm says USMC......YA THINK?!!!!
Disney is a magical place! ;o)
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Moping but coping
I got a phone call Wed. night from my cardiologist, just as I was getting dinner ready. It was not a great
conversation. It seems that arrythmia that put me in the ER a few weeks ago, was not as benign as was
originally thought. He got the EKG strips from the EMT's that treated me in the ambulance, while I
was right at the curb, in front of my house. My heart rate was 250 bpm. I knew that but I don't think he believed it until he saw the proof, himself. Yes, that's about 4 beats per second and NOT a nice feeling, I can tell you. My doctor seems to think I have an electrical short circuit in my heart and it has to be repaired. He said, "you could keel over from this." Just freekin' great. Not enough that my kid has one parent with a life-threatening illness, she hit the jackpot and has two. I had to make an appt. with an electrophysiologist for the 15th and get all my heart-related medical records sent to him. The good news is that I can have this "ablation" procedure done and it will be cured. I will not have to spend my life worrying that this could happen again. It won't. But, I, of course, am very nervous. They go into your heart with a catheter and map out your electrical circuits and find the one that is not being a team player and cauterize it. I really don't have much of a choice, so I suppose that takes a LITTLE bit of the angst out of it. My doc said I cannot walk around with this. (Gosh, I really wanted to tell him to ZIP IT.)
He said I've probably had this since I was born, and what I am praying for, is that this is what has caused my irregular heartbeats all along, and the fainting spells that changed the course of my life, and that all of this will be cured by this procedure, if in fact my doc is right and this is what it is. This phone call put me into a funk, but I am going on with things. I've gotten much better, over the years, at dealing with things. I used to worry myself sick, and many times it was for nothing, false alarms, etc. Now, I just try to get on with it and let the pieces fall into place. Maybe, it's just a "giving up" of the notion that I am in control. I said to myself the other day, "if God intends to take me, there isn't a darn thing I can do about it." I sure hope that is NOT his plan though and I do have to take care of whatever this is so I can stick around here. I looked up the practice that my doc recommended on the internet. There are 4 doctors and only one was given high praise by patients, in a survey. When I made the appt. the woman asked me which one I wanted to see. I learned a long time ago to ask nurses, or a doctor's employees, which one they themselves would use because they KNOW these doctors. They know who they would trust with their health and are usually happy to share that with you, if asked. So I told her, "Look, I have a husband with cancer and a 13-year-old. Checking out is not an option here. Which one of these doctors would you use if you were in my position?" Without hesitation, she said, "Dr. "R". That is who you want to see." That is the doctor who got the great reviews from patients too. So it's off to Dr. R, who I hope will be gentle with this frightened patient.When I told Tim what my cardiologist had said, after getting off the phone Wed., he said,
"Just another day in paradise at our house!" Now, just like everything else, he has put it out of his mind and was just saying the other day, "we should go away for a few days on Memorial day weekend. Maybe we'll go here or there" etc. I was like "HELLOOOOOOO, remember me?, I may be having a cardiac procedure around then!!!!!! You think I want to take a trip right now, with what's going on?" I tell ya, I'm just invisible around here. Last night, I went to bed and he picked Liv up at 10 pm. The two of them were laughing and yelling downstairs and woke me up.They kept it up and I finally yelled down, "you're kidding me right?!" Tim was like, " I didn't know you were asleep." No, he just came up a half hour before and I was in bed. WHY IN THE WORLD would he think I was asleep and they should refrain from yelling? Some days, I feel like nothing but a pack mule around here.
conversation. It seems that arrythmia that put me in the ER a few weeks ago, was not as benign as was
originally thought. He got the EKG strips from the EMT's that treated me in the ambulance, while I
was right at the curb, in front of my house. My heart rate was 250 bpm. I knew that but I don't think he believed it until he saw the proof, himself. Yes, that's about 4 beats per second and NOT a nice feeling, I can tell you. My doctor seems to think I have an electrical short circuit in my heart and it has to be repaired. He said, "you could keel over from this." Just freekin' great. Not enough that my kid has one parent with a life-threatening illness, she hit the jackpot and has two. I had to make an appt. with an electrophysiologist for the 15th and get all my heart-related medical records sent to him. The good news is that I can have this "ablation" procedure done and it will be cured. I will not have to spend my life worrying that this could happen again. It won't. But, I, of course, am very nervous. They go into your heart with a catheter and map out your electrical circuits and find the one that is not being a team player and cauterize it. I really don't have much of a choice, so I suppose that takes a LITTLE bit of the angst out of it. My doc said I cannot walk around with this. (Gosh, I really wanted to tell him to ZIP IT.)
He said I've probably had this since I was born, and what I am praying for, is that this is what has caused my irregular heartbeats all along, and the fainting spells that changed the course of my life, and that all of this will be cured by this procedure, if in fact my doc is right and this is what it is. This phone call put me into a funk, but I am going on with things. I've gotten much better, over the years, at dealing with things. I used to worry myself sick, and many times it was for nothing, false alarms, etc. Now, I just try to get on with it and let the pieces fall into place. Maybe, it's just a "giving up" of the notion that I am in control. I said to myself the other day, "if God intends to take me, there isn't a darn thing I can do about it." I sure hope that is NOT his plan though and I do have to take care of whatever this is so I can stick around here. I looked up the practice that my doc recommended on the internet. There are 4 doctors and only one was given high praise by patients, in a survey. When I made the appt. the woman asked me which one I wanted to see. I learned a long time ago to ask nurses, or a doctor's employees, which one they themselves would use because they KNOW these doctors. They know who they would trust with their health and are usually happy to share that with you, if asked. So I told her, "Look, I have a husband with cancer and a 13-year-old. Checking out is not an option here. Which one of these doctors would you use if you were in my position?" Without hesitation, she said, "Dr. "R". That is who you want to see." That is the doctor who got the great reviews from patients too. So it's off to Dr. R, who I hope will be gentle with this frightened patient.When I told Tim what my cardiologist had said, after getting off the phone Wed., he said,
"Just another day in paradise at our house!" Now, just like everything else, he has put it out of his mind and was just saying the other day, "we should go away for a few days on Memorial day weekend. Maybe we'll go here or there" etc. I was like "HELLOOOOOOO, remember me?, I may be having a cardiac procedure around then!!!!!! You think I want to take a trip right now, with what's going on?" I tell ya, I'm just invisible around here. Last night, I went to bed and he picked Liv up at 10 pm. The two of them were laughing and yelling downstairs and woke me up.They kept it up and I finally yelled down, "you're kidding me right?!" Tim was like, " I didn't know you were asleep." No, he just came up a half hour before and I was in bed. WHY IN THE WORLD would he think I was asleep and they should refrain from yelling? Some days, I feel like nothing but a pack mule around here.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
WAIT, I hadn't even totally figured out the last configuration!
I guess my blog changed. When I sign in now, it has a whole new format that I can't even begin to figure out. It just took me a minute to even find out how to make a new post. OY! I hate the new facebook timeline too, and have not switched my own page, but understand that they will all change automatically on some such date. Terrific. Just when I start to feel somewhat adept at something, they change it all around. So, onto the news. Not too much, I guess. I started my blood pressure meds on Sunday. The doc didn't think this low dose was gonna touch my numbers but it has. So far, no troubling side effects to report, which is a miracle for me. I can't avoid these meds anymore. My pressure is way too high. My car is at the shop for the second time in a week. Something is majorly wrong with it. It's only got 57K miles on it. Boy, they don't build them like they used to. I'm hoping it doesn't cost too much. I'm only keeping it another year or so. Olivia is still kicking butt in softball. She is striking out batters like crazy, catching pop flies and throwing girls out on base. She has made most of the outs herself and even hitting really well this year. She totally rocked on Friday night and the head coach gave her the game ball. The kid is dominating the mound. We were freezing Friday night and in the first inning, she struck out the 1st, 2nd, and 4th batters, retiring the inning in 4 hitters. She got hits at all her at-bats, and parents were coming up to me in the dugout and saying, "MAN, she's on FIRE!" It was great fun! Our 2 poor catchers were catching her fastballs with cold hands and both of them said their hands were hurting, she was throwing so hard. I spoke to my mother-in-law for the first time in 6 months. I had to call her to give her field directions for that game. I kept the conversation to Olivia's games and an injury she'd suffered in the prior game(catcher ran into her as Liv was about to catch a short pop-fly and knocked her silly, hitting her in the mouth with the catcher's helmet and cutting her lips up on her braces.) She is fine, though. I don't think Tim's mom wants any part of getting into "things" with me. Neither she nor Tim's dad EVER says a word about what happened, not that there have been more than a few, short phone calls anyway. I'm sure they don't want to hear the truth. I think it's bad enough for them to know that they screwed over their son and his family so badly, he doesn't want to see or speak to them, and Tim's sure they're hoping it will just "blow over" in time. My parents are home from their cruise. Mom wound up in the ER when they got back, with what she thinks was an intestinal parasite, but overall, they enjoyed the cruise. Her memory is really slipping, and mine seems to be nearly as bad, which scares the heck out of me. I'm so hoping it's all this menopause and stress nonsense going on with me. Cancer is still such a main focus in my mind. The other night, I took Liv and her friend to a charity basketball game, played by some teachers and parents from our town's 2 elementary schools. It was to benefit a family, whose 1st grade daughter has been fighting brain cancer since she was 13 months old. We wound up sitting right behind the family. I almost cried several times. Here's this pale, little girl who is mostly bald with scars on her head and little wisps of hair poking out. Here we were, right behind them, with our own cancer battle going on, and a few rows behind us, was a girl whose dad died of colon cancer a few years ago (I knew him since I was a teen, he married a girl I was friends with.) In the space of 10 feet, you had 3 families devastated by cancer. CANCER SUCKS! I just don't know how you go on, when it's your kid though. I know people don't know how I go on, with Tim having it. I guess the answer is the same. What freekin' choice do you have? This mom in front of me, had 2 younger girls too. The youngest, under 1 and still nursing. I guess, like me, she puts the game face on and does what she has to do for her family. If the mom goes down, the whole shebang falls apart. Some days, I think I'll go get a steel magnolia tatooed on myself. I'm no southern gal, but I don't know what would substitute as a northern/jersey girl symbol. Maybe brass knuckles. Soldiering on.......
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Cardio doc visit
Yesterday was my visit with my cardiologist's PA. Luckily, or unluckily, she decided my case was too sensitive not to call in the "big guns" so after consulting with him in another room for about 20 minutes, in he walked with her. I gotta tell ya, it gives a person pause when a long-time cardiologist is so nervous about putting you on blood pressure meds that he takes a half hour to go back and forth in his mind about it and shows such a lack of confidence in his decision, even though my blood pressure is way too high. Knowing how panicky I am about meds(I've had many adverse reactions in the past), he said, "are you gonna take this if I prescribe it?" I said, "I really don't have a choice, I've got a 13 year-old kid and a husband with cancer, I can't keep walking around with BP this high." I am very nervous about taking it and am trying to find a day when Tim will be around and I won't be home all day by myself to start it and those days are hard to find with his work schedule. The doc is starting me on the lowest dose. He doesn't even think it's gonna do much for my BP but he wants to build me up slowly. Oy, I just feel like nothing is easy for me. I hope I can tolerate it. I have to do something. I sure wish I'd had the will power to diet and exercise but he has told me it wouldn't matter. Not sure I totally agree with that, but the truth is, I have not done it, so I have nobody to blame for not knowing if it would help, but me. My whole family has high blood pressure and they've all been on meds since their 30's. I've put it off too long. Hopefully, all this worry will have been for nothing and I can get on it, do well, and that will be that. I don't even think I want to read the warnings. That's not my normal M.O. but why scare myself more. I have to get on something and he thinks this is my safest bet. I was a little annoyed when I found out that the hospital had not forwarded the EKG tapes from the ambulance. The EMT specifically printed and marked a bunch of them, saying that they would be very helpful for my doctor, and my doctor agreed, saying he wished he had the tapes. I have to call today and see if I can track them down and I am hoping they were not thrown away or lost. Well, off to my list of things to do. Too many chores, not enough time or energy OR desire to do them. Story of my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
