Fair warning: This is not an uplifting post.
Well, I must say, this holiday season has been tough. I am trying to find that whole "Peace, Joy, and Goodwill toward men" thing but, boy, is it elusive this year. First, so much of my state has been devastated by hurricane Sandy. The economy is worse than ever, and for once, even Tim is slow.
Hope that turns around after the new year. This fiscal cliff thing, the election, and all the bad news swirling around, I think, has just zapped consumer confidence. This shooting in CT it the worst of it though. Those poor people. I brought Olivia to school on Monday and there were cops everywhere. Then, some senior in our school made some kind of threat, was arrested, and there are even more cops at our school every morning now. JEEZ, it's just so sad. Not fun to be a kid these days. That town in CT is only about 70 miles from here. We've driven past it countless times, as it is right off the highway we take when we go to VT or NH. Horrible that our kids go to school with this fear now. I wonder if Olivia will graduate highschool before we see metal detectors installed in the school.We went into NY city on Wed. to see the show "Elf" and the Rockefeller Center tree, windows, etc. It put us back into the holiday spirit, only to come home and find out later that night about the threat in our school and how it had been put on lockdown right after school let out that day. I dunno. What is wrong with people?
This psychologist on TV said that people blame their problems on others, don't take personal responsibility for their own words/actions, and then take revenge on others because they are so miserable. Sounds like my out-laws. It's true though. So many people blame everyone else for their
own issues and never look at themselves. NOT good. Went to an MM support group meeting on Thursday, which was also hard.
One woman, who has been in remission for years now, just told us her husband was dx'ed with advanced esophageal cancer. She is beside herself. Dang, bad news everywhere I turn. I just got off the phone with my younger sister. Her family is dealing with flu and colds, and has been for some time. Our Christmas celebrations may fall apart now, as we may have to stay away from them, and just started spending Christmas at her house after last year's falling out with Tim's family. So, it may
be jammies, TV, and Christmas Eve leftovers for us on Christmas day. Oh well, As usual, I have to dig really deep to find those blessings, but they're there. Always. We're gonna make the best of it, even if the three of us spend the day home. Good thing we enjoy each other's company. I thought about going back into the city and catching the Christmas spectactular, or trying to find a soup kitchen to volunteer at. Knowing me, I'll be beat from doing Christmas Eve and just want to relax.
Oh well, hope your holidays are happy. I'm gonna do whatever I can to get there. Hey, things may not be perfect but..................IT AIN'T THE END OF THE WORLD, RIGHT?????!!!!!
Them crazy mayans.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
The girls are alright
So, after over a month of this mammogram stuff hanging over my head, today was the big day. I am
happy to say my boobs are fine. Thanks be to God! Due to hurricane Sandy, my appt. for 10/30 was cancelled. Today at 9 am was the new appt. What a hard morning. It took over 3 1/2 hours of testing
and waiting and worrying. Women all around in gowns feeling vulnerable and scared, saw one woman wiping tears away. As soon as I sat down in the waiting room of gowned women, a commercial comes on the TV about breast cancer and not finding it in time. I said, "great, we all need
to hear this right now." One woman replied, "what timing." There was a woman around my age there
finding out if she was having a breast cancer recurrance. A woman she knew came in and told her that she was dx'ed with it too. I looked around and thought, this is crazy, God gives us these things to feed our kids and we're being poisoned by them. Someone told me recently the odds of getting breast cancer are now like 1 in 7. Just nuts. Is it the deoderants? It has to be something we're doing. And why is is worse in developed countries? I have tried, and will renew my efforts, to use aluminum free deoderant, but I can tell ya, it's not easy. Haven't found one yet that really works. Seems like you can have healthy underarms, or friends, but not both. Who wants to go around stinking all the time?
So, that is the update. I feel blessed, grateful, and proud of how I handled it. Sure I was nervous,
but as Phil B. says, I went in and dominated today.
Happy Thanksgiving to y'all. I have a lot of things to be thankful for, and the result of this day is certainly one of them.
XO
happy to say my boobs are fine. Thanks be to God! Due to hurricane Sandy, my appt. for 10/30 was cancelled. Today at 9 am was the new appt. What a hard morning. It took over 3 1/2 hours of testing
and waiting and worrying. Women all around in gowns feeling vulnerable and scared, saw one woman wiping tears away. As soon as I sat down in the waiting room of gowned women, a commercial comes on the TV about breast cancer and not finding it in time. I said, "great, we all need
to hear this right now." One woman replied, "what timing." There was a woman around my age there
finding out if she was having a breast cancer recurrance. A woman she knew came in and told her that she was dx'ed with it too. I looked around and thought, this is crazy, God gives us these things to feed our kids and we're being poisoned by them. Someone told me recently the odds of getting breast cancer are now like 1 in 7. Just nuts. Is it the deoderants? It has to be something we're doing. And why is is worse in developed countries? I have tried, and will renew my efforts, to use aluminum free deoderant, but I can tell ya, it's not easy. Haven't found one yet that really works. Seems like you can have healthy underarms, or friends, but not both. Who wants to go around stinking all the time?
So, that is the update. I feel blessed, grateful, and proud of how I handled it. Sure I was nervous,
but as Phil B. says, I went in and dominated today.
Happy Thanksgiving to y'all. I have a lot of things to be thankful for, and the result of this day is certainly one of them.
XO
Friday, November 2, 2012
Hurricane Sandy
Well, it's Friday. Olivia STILL doesn't have school. Sandy packed a whallop for our area, mostly
in the form of very high winds and trees down everywhere. Pines were the worst. Their roots do not
go deep into the ground and they don't lose their foliage, so the wind catches that and brings them down. My out-laws lost 3 huge ones, one of which is on top of their house and probably would have gone through it if not for the trees right in front of their porch that "caught" it and broke its fall.
It's a mess here but the shore areas are destroyed and I have a hard time even watching the news because it is so darn sad. The expense of this is going to be crazy, for all the states involved and our government. We only lost power for 2 days and Tim bought that generator on Friday, which we only ran for a few hours at a time, but it kept our food cold, our house and water warm and I can't complain, AT ALL. It also got my breast tests cancelled. I'd love to get it overwith but was pretty
nervous too so can't say I was bummed to have it cancelled. I have not been called by the scheduler yet to re-schedule it. The gas lines here go for blocks and blocks and who knew that the best decision Tim would make would be buying a generator that runs on propane. He filled both tanks before the storm, and when one ran out, he drove right up the street and got it filled with NO line at all. People are going nuts out there. Tempers are high. Having dealt with my own health issues for so much of my life, and now Tim's mm added to that, I just don't get my knickers in a knot about this kind of stuff. It would be different if I lost my house and contents and was displaced for a long time, but, honestly, to hear people whine so badly about losing electric for 2 days, REALLY? People died out there, a woman had her 2 and 4 year olds ripped out of her arms in a flood and they drowned. Folks lost everything and won't be able to go home at all. I guess I just know too many people fighting for their lives right now to get crazy about it. Olivia had a few friends over for a campfire Wed. night. We walked them down to Starbucks and I took the dog. While they
were inside, a couple walked up to meet my dog and we got into a conversation. They were retirement age, live in a town a few miles away, and came to walk our "avenue." Their house was cold from having no heat. The woman's name was Sandy and she started complaining like mad about the storm. At one point, I just said, "my husband is a cancer patient and I know too many young people, with kids, fighting for their lives right now, I just can't get too upset about this" As soon as I said that about Tim, her husband raised his hand in a "me too salute." Turns out he is dealing with a recurrance of small bowel cancer and his wife then admitted to me that this caregiver stuff is just killing her and she is a wreck. Tim came out of Starbucks and the kids were around the corner drinking their sugar-laden drinks and we had a long conversation with this couple. So much in common, but when I said something that had even the littlest hint of faith involved, she said, "ya see, you have that, I don't, I'm Jewish, but a heathen, I don't believe in any of that afterlife stuff. When my mother died and my sister said,"she's with dad now", I said, "no she's not, she's with the gophers."
I found this to be really sad and thought, "no wonder she is having such a hard time dealing with this." She even said then that she knew that it was making it harder for her. I dunno, it's not that it takes the pain, fear, and sadness away, but I guess in some way, it gives one a little comfort to know
that someone has a darn plan in all this and we'll all see each other again some day.When it was time to go, we'd just gotten word that our power was back on. I felt like I knew these people and we should be exchanging phone numbers, but then thought this was just another chance encounter with people living with cancer. They're everywhere, so the "chance" part of that is not that surprising at all.
Well, my heart and prayer go out to so many that were devastated by this storm. Us Jersey folk just love our "Jersey shore" and it's SO heartbreaking to see it wiped out. It will be rebuilt. It has Ya gotta be tough to live in Jersey though, and we'll "dominate" this, as Phil B would say.
in the form of very high winds and trees down everywhere. Pines were the worst. Their roots do not
go deep into the ground and they don't lose their foliage, so the wind catches that and brings them down. My out-laws lost 3 huge ones, one of which is on top of their house and probably would have gone through it if not for the trees right in front of their porch that "caught" it and broke its fall.
It's a mess here but the shore areas are destroyed and I have a hard time even watching the news because it is so darn sad. The expense of this is going to be crazy, for all the states involved and our government. We only lost power for 2 days and Tim bought that generator on Friday, which we only ran for a few hours at a time, but it kept our food cold, our house and water warm and I can't complain, AT ALL. It also got my breast tests cancelled. I'd love to get it overwith but was pretty
nervous too so can't say I was bummed to have it cancelled. I have not been called by the scheduler yet to re-schedule it. The gas lines here go for blocks and blocks and who knew that the best decision Tim would make would be buying a generator that runs on propane. He filled both tanks before the storm, and when one ran out, he drove right up the street and got it filled with NO line at all. People are going nuts out there. Tempers are high. Having dealt with my own health issues for so much of my life, and now Tim's mm added to that, I just don't get my knickers in a knot about this kind of stuff. It would be different if I lost my house and contents and was displaced for a long time, but, honestly, to hear people whine so badly about losing electric for 2 days, REALLY? People died out there, a woman had her 2 and 4 year olds ripped out of her arms in a flood and they drowned. Folks lost everything and won't be able to go home at all. I guess I just know too many people fighting for their lives right now to get crazy about it. Olivia had a few friends over for a campfire Wed. night. We walked them down to Starbucks and I took the dog. While they
were inside, a couple walked up to meet my dog and we got into a conversation. They were retirement age, live in a town a few miles away, and came to walk our "avenue." Their house was cold from having no heat. The woman's name was Sandy and she started complaining like mad about the storm. At one point, I just said, "my husband is a cancer patient and I know too many young people, with kids, fighting for their lives right now, I just can't get too upset about this" As soon as I said that about Tim, her husband raised his hand in a "me too salute." Turns out he is dealing with a recurrance of small bowel cancer and his wife then admitted to me that this caregiver stuff is just killing her and she is a wreck. Tim came out of Starbucks and the kids were around the corner drinking their sugar-laden drinks and we had a long conversation with this couple. So much in common, but when I said something that had even the littlest hint of faith involved, she said, "ya see, you have that, I don't, I'm Jewish, but a heathen, I don't believe in any of that afterlife stuff. When my mother died and my sister said,"she's with dad now", I said, "no she's not, she's with the gophers."
I found this to be really sad and thought, "no wonder she is having such a hard time dealing with this." She even said then that she knew that it was making it harder for her. I dunno, it's not that it takes the pain, fear, and sadness away, but I guess in some way, it gives one a little comfort to know
that someone has a darn plan in all this and we'll all see each other again some day.When it was time to go, we'd just gotten word that our power was back on. I felt like I knew these people and we should be exchanging phone numbers, but then thought this was just another chance encounter with people living with cancer. They're everywhere, so the "chance" part of that is not that surprising at all.
Well, my heart and prayer go out to so many that were devastated by this storm. Us Jersey folk just love our "Jersey shore" and it's SO heartbreaking to see it wiped out. It will be rebuilt. It has Ya gotta be tough to live in Jersey though, and we'll "dominate" this, as Phil B would say.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Halloween storms
Well, last year we had the freak snow storm, with the leaves still on the trees, which brought down a lot of them in NJ, including one that fell on our rental house. This year, we have hurricane Sandy bearing down on us. Tim just went and bought a generator yesterday. Losing electric for a few hours is no biggie. A few days, now that's a nuisance, and you lose all your food, have no heat, etc. Folks are preparing around here.
Fair warning: boob talk coming up. I have an appt. early Tues morning at HUMC's breast center. It's been an aggravating week of phone calls trying to get this all set up. They requested my mammo and sonagram from 10/8 and decided they see something in the right breast they want to check out too. Been having trouble getting my gynecologist's office to write up a script because they have 2 different places requesting different follow-up tests. So, unless they lose power and cancel my appt.,
or we have a "state of emergency" where the cops want people to stay off the roads unless it's an emregency, I will be having extra mammo pics taken of my right breast, sonagram on both sides now, and needle biopsy, if needed. Lovely. 4 years ago, when I had a scare after a routine mammo, it ruined my holidays. It played out for 7 weeks, with me not getting the good news until just a few days before Christmas. I backed my mammo up this time, but will NEVER do it in Oct. again. Breast cancer awareness month means I've been bombarded with it, constantly, right down to my daughter wearing pink stuff while cheerleading and the football players too. Is there EVER a good time for a breast cancer scare though? I think not. I've stayed relatively calm, because I don't think anything they've seen is super suspicious, but am definitely getting more nervous as the date gets closer and am not happy that they found anything, let alone, 2 things now, 1 of which the first place never mentioned. Enough of that.
I tried to make this blog a little more private but right away got facebook messages from friends that couldn't get on. I had to ask Phil Brabbs to remove our "myeloma Monday" bio from his blog because even though I had him take our last name off it some time ago, the photo, or something, was still causing it to come up in a search of Tim's name and that's not good for business. I am not real great with computers. I tried a new setting on my blog which says it will keep it from coming up in search engines. I dunno. I REALLY don't want to go private. My networking with other MM patients and caregivers has been a huge part of my coping system while dealing with all this the last 5 1/2 + years. I suppose I have shared some really personal things, but so have others, and it really is pretty cathartic for me.
Speaking of catharsis, it was just one year since Tim's family blow-up. Sad to me. His parents have come to a few of the games that Olivia cheered at. We are civil. But, they missed a year of their son's and granddaughter's life. I think all the time, "was it worth it?" To get such nasty things off your chest, to kick people who were already down, to have to hurt someone else to make you feel better than them, out of sheer self-esteem issues? Was it worth it? I thought Tim would soften over time. He hasn't. He, instead, realized how much stress his family caused in our lives and has seen the benefit of not having that stress anymore.He simply doesn't want to deal with it anymore. Ya know, there comes a time, unfortunately, in some relationships, when you realize that the bad outweighs the good by quite a margin. People RARELY change. You have to decide whether it's something you can cope with, or not, and just how much damage they're causing you. In this case, it was quite a lot. I've said it before, and the therapist that I no longer see is convinced of it; these people took themselves out of our lives because they did not want to deal with Tim's mm. Maybe it was a subconscious thing, and they didn't realize that's what they were doing, but it's what they did. I don't think they're liking "sleeping in the bed" they made for themselves, but, they should have thought about the consequences before they said the things they said. Some bells just can't be un-rung.
So, enough of that too. I'm hoping this week is not too damaging to our state and the people in it, and that my tests come out OK, and that I can get on with my life, once again. Back to the normal difficultness that it is. What can ya do? Gotta play the cards we're dealt, as Tim always says.
OOPS, I didn't even realize I had not updated on Tim's MRI of his neck. Well, the GOOD news is it is not the MM. I was afraid of a lesion or plasmacytoma. The bad news is he has some real orthopedic issues there, which include spinal stenosis, and neck pain may be a part of his life now, in addition to chronic back pain. We have to go see an orthopedist, but are getting my stuff out of the way first. His profession really beat the heck out of his body. May have even caused this MM too. Last night we saw our friend's brother at the football game. Tim did his wood floors a couple of summers ago. He is around 50 and retired from being a cop. I told Tim, he shoulda become a cop. I told him that 20-something years ago. It's a good gig. Retire by 50 or so, great benefits. Not saying it's without its faults, but overall, a pretty good gig in small suburban towns like the ones around here.
Fair warning: boob talk coming up. I have an appt. early Tues morning at HUMC's breast center. It's been an aggravating week of phone calls trying to get this all set up. They requested my mammo and sonagram from 10/8 and decided they see something in the right breast they want to check out too. Been having trouble getting my gynecologist's office to write up a script because they have 2 different places requesting different follow-up tests. So, unless they lose power and cancel my appt.,
or we have a "state of emergency" where the cops want people to stay off the roads unless it's an emregency, I will be having extra mammo pics taken of my right breast, sonagram on both sides now, and needle biopsy, if needed. Lovely. 4 years ago, when I had a scare after a routine mammo, it ruined my holidays. It played out for 7 weeks, with me not getting the good news until just a few days before Christmas. I backed my mammo up this time, but will NEVER do it in Oct. again. Breast cancer awareness month means I've been bombarded with it, constantly, right down to my daughter wearing pink stuff while cheerleading and the football players too. Is there EVER a good time for a breast cancer scare though? I think not. I've stayed relatively calm, because I don't think anything they've seen is super suspicious, but am definitely getting more nervous as the date gets closer and am not happy that they found anything, let alone, 2 things now, 1 of which the first place never mentioned. Enough of that.
I tried to make this blog a little more private but right away got facebook messages from friends that couldn't get on. I had to ask Phil Brabbs to remove our "myeloma Monday" bio from his blog because even though I had him take our last name off it some time ago, the photo, or something, was still causing it to come up in a search of Tim's name and that's not good for business. I am not real great with computers. I tried a new setting on my blog which says it will keep it from coming up in search engines. I dunno. I REALLY don't want to go private. My networking with other MM patients and caregivers has been a huge part of my coping system while dealing with all this the last 5 1/2 + years. I suppose I have shared some really personal things, but so have others, and it really is pretty cathartic for me.
Speaking of catharsis, it was just one year since Tim's family blow-up. Sad to me. His parents have come to a few of the games that Olivia cheered at. We are civil. But, they missed a year of their son's and granddaughter's life. I think all the time, "was it worth it?" To get such nasty things off your chest, to kick people who were already down, to have to hurt someone else to make you feel better than them, out of sheer self-esteem issues? Was it worth it? I thought Tim would soften over time. He hasn't. He, instead, realized how much stress his family caused in our lives and has seen the benefit of not having that stress anymore.He simply doesn't want to deal with it anymore. Ya know, there comes a time, unfortunately, in some relationships, when you realize that the bad outweighs the good by quite a margin. People RARELY change. You have to decide whether it's something you can cope with, or not, and just how much damage they're causing you. In this case, it was quite a lot. I've said it before, and the therapist that I no longer see is convinced of it; these people took themselves out of our lives because they did not want to deal with Tim's mm. Maybe it was a subconscious thing, and they didn't realize that's what they were doing, but it's what they did. I don't think they're liking "sleeping in the bed" they made for themselves, but, they should have thought about the consequences before they said the things they said. Some bells just can't be un-rung.
So, enough of that too. I'm hoping this week is not too damaging to our state and the people in it, and that my tests come out OK, and that I can get on with my life, once again. Back to the normal difficultness that it is. What can ya do? Gotta play the cards we're dealt, as Tim always says.
OOPS, I didn't even realize I had not updated on Tim's MRI of his neck. Well, the GOOD news is it is not the MM. I was afraid of a lesion or plasmacytoma. The bad news is he has some real orthopedic issues there, which include spinal stenosis, and neck pain may be a part of his life now, in addition to chronic back pain. We have to go see an orthopedist, but are getting my stuff out of the way first. His profession really beat the heck out of his body. May have even caused this MM too. Last night we saw our friend's brother at the football game. Tim did his wood floors a couple of summers ago. He is around 50 and retired from being a cop. I told Tim, he shoulda become a cop. I told him that 20-something years ago. It's a good gig. Retire by 50 or so, great benefits. Not saying it's without its faults, but overall, a pretty good gig in small suburban towns like the ones around here.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Blog help
Hey y'all,
I just found out last night that a decorator that refers Tim googled his name to get his phone number
and found my blog. She did not know about his MM before this. I have no idea how many times
this has happened, possibly costing him work, and don't know HOW it happened, since I don't use
our last name on my blog. I have not wanted to take the blog private because I don't want to lose
touch with anyone who reads/comments etc. I may have no choice. Anyone know how this could happen? And, if you come to check in and I've gone private, PLEASE apply to be a follower. I am
not a computer whiz and don't know how to set this up.
I just found out last night that a decorator that refers Tim googled his name to get his phone number
and found my blog. She did not know about his MM before this. I have no idea how many times
this has happened, possibly costing him work, and don't know HOW it happened, since I don't use
our last name on my blog. I have not wanted to take the blog private because I don't want to lose
touch with anyone who reads/comments etc. I may have no choice. Anyone know how this could happen? And, if you come to check in and I've gone private, PLEASE apply to be a follower. I am
not a computer whiz and don't know how to set this up.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Just hate mammograms
They say, 'round here anyway, that after 40, you should have a mammogram every year. Scary thing to take on every year. Some of you may remember my last mammo fiasco of 2008. Maybe not. Reader's digest version. Mammo saw something, first radiologist hit the panic button. told me I needed another mammo and MRI of both breasts. Never even heard of MRI'ing breasts. Went to a new place, did follow-up pictures and that radiologist told me it was fine, dense breasts. My gyn was still hitting the panic button. I wound up in the hospital 5 or 6 days before Christmas having a sonagram on my left breast, after seeing a breast surgeon who said, "'lets just and get it done and make sure it's nothing." After realizing the tech was measuring things in my left breast, I felt sure I was about to be told I had breast cancer (this was at the end of a nightmare year, actually 2 years, for me) and I burst into tears when she told me it was water cysts and I was OK. I went back a year or so later and have not been since 2010. I went yesterday. What a disaster. Waited a long time to hear the results. This place keeps you there, sitting in your tiny curtained dressing stall, in a gown, waiting for the report.The girls says they need more pics of my left breast. GREAT. Takes 6 more scans, the last 2 being pretty painful. Then, wait again. Now they want a sonagram. I'm about ready to cry. I'm alone. Tim is at Liv's football game watching her cheer.I have the sonagram. The radiologist comes in with the tech and tells me they see 2 tiny complex cysts in my breast. He says they don't exhibit a lot of the things that look cancerous. He said they are perfectly round, have no calcifications, show no evidence of having their own blood supply and appear completely, neatly encapsulated. Says come back in 6 months for a re-check. I then tell him, "Look, my husband has multiple myeloma, we have a 14 year old daughter, are you sure that you are very comfortable with me coming back in 6 months, knowing what's at stake here." He said yes. They leave, after the tech tells me(even though she's not supposed to)" I've been doing this 17 years, I don't see anything here that worries me." I go to the bathroom, and get my shirt on. There is a knock at the door. The doc comes in, says he has looked again, and there is one thing he wants to check again, in light of my situation. They re-sonagram my breast, both of them. The one cyst is 3 mm, the other, 8 or 9. The larger one has one side that is slightly denser or something and he now wants me to have a guided needle biopsy just to be sure. He said he is still not very concerned but wants to be extra careful due to my situation. LOVELY. Well, I do tell them this so that nothing is overlooked. I know I risk this type of extra vigilance. I don't even remember the drive home(it's only a few miles) but not good nonetheless. So, after a night in shock, I have calmed down and am trying to just get on with it. Tim goes for an MRI of his neck tomorrow. Still hurting him after over a month and he got rear-ended in my car last week, making it worse. Not a bad rear-ending, but enough to make the neck worse. I have to sit in the same dreaded radiology place with him when all I wanted to do was run outta there the other night after a 2 hour ordeal there. I handle the stress of waiting much better than I did years ago, as I've said before. Not gonna change anything. Talked to my sis, who used to have cysts and she said it sounds just like hers.
So, there you have it; another hurdle and health scare in the mix. Gosh, am I sick of them. So, any prayers, good vibes, and well-intentioning are all greatly appreciated. I will keep you posted.
So, there you have it; another hurdle and health scare in the mix. Gosh, am I sick of them. So, any prayers, good vibes, and well-intentioning are all greatly appreciated. I will keep you posted.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
UGH
Yesterday, Tim had a check-up appt. I am always anxious about these, some times more than others. This was one of those times. He has had tingling in his legs and feet for several months and noticed he is sweating more(though in truth, we've had VERY humid weather in Jersey lately) I sat down and looked at his last 2 rounds of bloodwork and realized there are very slight ticks up in markers with very slight ticks down in blood cell counts. Nothing to worry too much about, but I wondered what this latest bloodwork would show. It did not help that Tim took the dog for a walk just before we left for the appt. and ran into a woman from PA who still visits here and keeps her apartment around the corner and she told us that her dad, who we know, was just diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma 3 weeks ago. Something about having stuff like this happen around appts. that always puts us more on edge. Anyway, we are seeing the new doc now. Joshua Richter. Young, nice. He worked with Vesole and Jaggannath at St. Vincents in NYC before it closed so I know he must know his stuff. Well, unfortunately, those ticks continued in the wrong direction. His m-spike is .15 now. It was .08. It has been explained to me, in the past and again yesterday, that when it is this low, it is unreliable and always just an estimate, but I also noticed his Kappa free-lites, and therefore the ratio, ticked up a decent amount and I've been told in the past that that would be the first thing to show he
is coming out of "remission." While the numbers are still in range, they definitely are trending up.
I was bummed. He said this is nothing to be concerned about, that the blood counts can be just normal variations, a 2 mile run would raise his platelets and whites and all that jazz, and that the free-lites were still in range, so he is not concerned. Still said we could go 3 months between appts. I am not happy though. I think this is a sign that we are slipping out of the "eye of the storm."
Nothing to be done, I suppose, there is no way to prepare for this. I've had a chance to get my feet back under me, with this long period of stability. I was a wreck in '07 and '08. I realized this morning, that it would be very easy to go right back there again. A friend told me recently that I have learned things and gotten stronger in this time and thinks I will be more able to be strong. I'm not so convinced of that. I'm trying to remember to take it a day at a time. Trying to project or prepare for the future just produces angst. Tim also has had pain in his neck area for a month. Doc thinks it's muscular and gave us a script for a muscle relaxer. If it gets worse or does not resolve, then we will look at getting a CT scan or MRI. On the way out of the doc's office, I ran into a man who has not been to the last few support group meetings. He is not doing well. I gave him a big hug and kiss, and again when we left, but it's so sad to see people doing poorly. I know too many MM'ers in that spot right now and it's heartwrenching.While Tim and I were waiting to see the doc yesterday, there were 3 men there, all 40's, one a new patient. I thought, "so much for an old person's disease." Younger folks getting it all the time now. Tomorrow, I am dragging Tim and Liv to a cancer survivors celebration at Liberty State Park, which is across the river from the Statue of Liberty. Tim has never agreed to go to any of these things but Aretha Franklin is performing, as is Tim's doc I heard, so I told him we are going. Hoping the weather holds out. They're saying showers. I hope it's uplifting in some ways. I hope to meet a gal from southern NJ who I've only known via internet so far, as well as run into others from our support group. Sometimes I feel like life is "all cancer, all the time." Tim and I got a bit of a relief from that. It's still a hard life when you feel like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. So, that's the update. Have to learn to adjust to this "new normal" again. Nothing stays the same. Happy autumn to y'all. Keep on truckin'.
is coming out of "remission." While the numbers are still in range, they definitely are trending up.
I was bummed. He said this is nothing to be concerned about, that the blood counts can be just normal variations, a 2 mile run would raise his platelets and whites and all that jazz, and that the free-lites were still in range, so he is not concerned. Still said we could go 3 months between appts. I am not happy though. I think this is a sign that we are slipping out of the "eye of the storm."
Nothing to be done, I suppose, there is no way to prepare for this. I've had a chance to get my feet back under me, with this long period of stability. I was a wreck in '07 and '08. I realized this morning, that it would be very easy to go right back there again. A friend told me recently that I have learned things and gotten stronger in this time and thinks I will be more able to be strong. I'm not so convinced of that. I'm trying to remember to take it a day at a time. Trying to project or prepare for the future just produces angst. Tim also has had pain in his neck area for a month. Doc thinks it's muscular and gave us a script for a muscle relaxer. If it gets worse or does not resolve, then we will look at getting a CT scan or MRI. On the way out of the doc's office, I ran into a man who has not been to the last few support group meetings. He is not doing well. I gave him a big hug and kiss, and again when we left, but it's so sad to see people doing poorly. I know too many MM'ers in that spot right now and it's heartwrenching.While Tim and I were waiting to see the doc yesterday, there were 3 men there, all 40's, one a new patient. I thought, "so much for an old person's disease." Younger folks getting it all the time now. Tomorrow, I am dragging Tim and Liv to a cancer survivors celebration at Liberty State Park, which is across the river from the Statue of Liberty. Tim has never agreed to go to any of these things but Aretha Franklin is performing, as is Tim's doc I heard, so I told him we are going. Hoping the weather holds out. They're saying showers. I hope it's uplifting in some ways. I hope to meet a gal from southern NJ who I've only known via internet so far, as well as run into others from our support group. Sometimes I feel like life is "all cancer, all the time." Tim and I got a bit of a relief from that. It's still a hard life when you feel like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. So, that's the update. Have to learn to adjust to this "new normal" again. Nothing stays the same. Happy autumn to y'all. Keep on truckin'.
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