Q: Can I help? A: I don't know, can you?

It's kinda enlightening to see the different ways people react to our "situation." It can
also be really disappointing too but as always, you learn so much in the hard times. You find
that sometimes complete strangers or folks who know you but not that well can be more helpful than your own DNA pool. You find that some people claim to want to help but it's only lip service or something they want to represent to others that they "did" for you. I've always been fascinated by "human nature" and watching behaviors and listening to people. There's this
Oprah saying that she actually got from (oh what's that poet's name? I've read her books. It'll come to me). Anyway, it goes "when people show you who they are, believe them." It's something I try to remember. The fact is people do show you who they are and usually quite effectively. Many times, folks try to read things into people because it's what they prefer to believe instead of the truth. Sometimes ya just have to accept people for what they are and move on. If you find yourself having to keep giving the benefit of the doubt to someone, it may
be time to just doubt. We have had many acts of kindness happen to us in the last 2+ years.
There's no doubt there are some really good people in this world. We have also been stung at times when we have had to face the truth about some folks especially when you thought they
would be among the ones that would be "there" for us. People who really are helpful are the kind
of folks who ask what they can do and mean it. They do not have a pre-conceived idea of what they are willing to do(which is many times what you don't need) and they don't do it just so they
can run out and brag that they did. Sometimes they understand how hard it is for us to accept help so they just show up when they know we need a hand. Others just tell us, you call us whenever you need us or come out and ask if they can cut our lawn or whatnot. We do live in a
neighborhood of some wonderful people and it is a blessing to know how many of them would
help with Olivia or whatever we needed with just a phone call. What gets me down sometimes
is the people who ask how Tim's doing and even though you were only gonna have a 15 second
answer to that question, you realize 3 seconds into it that they are not even paying attention to
your reply. They just asked cause that's the thing to do and my answer is supposed to be "fine"
and that's it. I have a new thing where I just stop mid sentence and do not finish. Why waste my breath. They usually don't notice that I stopped and then I know they just wanted the "fine". Then there are those who you are counting on to help with Olivia or something and
when the time comes, they have other things to do or their own agenda always comes first. This seems to always happen at the most important times and boy does it stink. You'd like to tell this
person just what you think of their "help" but can't. I think in some ways, my own actions are part of the problem. I am a "handler." Something needs to be done, I do it. I have been with Tim every step of the way and he even told me that most people think I do not need help because of how I have dealt with everything. Not true but there are times that I just do it all cause I guess
I have trouble accepting help and can't trust that certain people are gonna really do what they
said they would anyway. The funniest part about this whole deal is that it is the people who do the very least(or nothing at all) that give themselves the most credit! Brag the most about them "being there" for us. Ah yes. It's not who you are, it's what you can convince people you are.
Maya Angelou!!!!! I knew it would come to me. That's the poet. Anyhoo, as always in life, having
both ends of the spectrum teaches you to appreciate the good. I am so appreciative of my family and friends and neighbors and those strangers who do something so kind, you could just cry with the humanity of it all. When Tim was first diagnosed, I really thought we were headed for financial ruin. We had just bought a rental property 10 days before he was hospitalized and taken out a mortgage on it of course. He is self-employed and I am a stay-at-home mom. I was panicked thinking of what could happen to us. I had just signed up for a yoga class with my sister that only cost about $100 or so and was an 8 week series. I called a man who ran this out of a local high school(there are lots of different classes) and explained that my husband had just been dx'ed with cancer and that I had no idea if I could make the classes and financially couldn't spend the money. It was past any refund date and they usually take a
$20. administration fee out of refunds anyway. The man sent me a note with the FULL amount
back to me and told me that he would like me to come to whatever yoga sessions that I could
make it to as their guest(thinking correctly that I could really use the relaxation and escape of it all) and wished me well, etc. I was so touched. I called him and than goodness got his voicemail
cause I never would have made it through a conversation without bawling. His kindness to a stranger just bowled me over and I told him that. It may seem like a small thing but when you
are in those really tough spots, sometimes that's all it takes is a small act of kindness to really help a person. More than the act itself is that it restores your faith. I try to remember that in my dealings with people everyday. You never know when your small act of kindness may be just what someone needed at that moment.