Most important lesson learned

I just read something on an MM blog I follow that shocked me a little. This very funny guy got a private e-mail from a woman who was a little miffed that he would joke so much about MM.
She is quite upset about her dad's diagnosis and can't understand the humor so many of
us use to cope with MM invading our lives. I left a pretty long comment on his blog
but I think this subject deserves its own post on mine. Needless to say, and I have blogged about it before, Tim's diagnosis was a horrible blow at a bad time. For some time afterward, I found myself mourning. I was mourning our life as we knew it. It would never be the same and it takes some time to get around to accepting that. I cried a river(mostly in private) for a long time. I cried in the car, the shower, dark movie theaters, you name it. If crying burned calories, I'd surely have gotten back into my skinny jeans. Tim, on the other hand, in a show of courage that I could never have imagined, accepted the hand he was dealt and got on with it. He told me that he was not going to spend what time he had left crying and moping and he certainly hasn't. I feel that it would be selfish of me not to buck up for him then and try to keep my spirits up. I also believe that if the mom goes down, the whole family goes with her so I put on my big girl pants and have been stronger than I have ever been for the sake of Tim and Olivia. I realized during all those tearful breakdowns that I could not function as a wife, parent, or caregiver when I was like that. I also know that it bothers Tim to know how his cancer diagnosis affects his family so I don't want him to feel worse about that. More importantly, I learned one of the biggest lessons I had to learn from this journey and that is this: YOU SHOULD NOT MOURN A PERSON WHO IS ALIVE. I think that was part of what was behind a lot of those tears. I was so worried about what the future held, I was "what iffing" myself into a miserable existance. If you are going to lose a loved one, as one blogger put it, there will be time for weeping and wailing later. It struck me that to mourn someone that was standing right in front of me was the biggest waste of precious time imaginable. I decided instead to make great memories and try my hardest to live in the present. Hence Tim's brandy new pickup for Christmas. Seize the day.
Some of these blogs I follow are written by the wittiest, most hysterical people and so many times, they have made me crack up on a day that I really needed that. The shock of a cancer diagnosis will send anyone reeling and some days it is really hard to be happy. But I do know that I would really regret not making the most of our time together no matter how long that is.
Some time ago, I stumbled onto a blog about a boy in Mass. who has relapsed neuroblastoma which is fatal. He was dx'ed when he was 7 months old and has been on chemo his whole life.
He just turned six. As bad as our situation is, I can't even imagine how hard it is to watch your child suffer and so many of these kids with NB have died. I just read a quote that this boy's dad
posted on his blog and since I was unable to figure out how to cut and paste it, I will just paraphrase it and you can look it up yourself if you desire. It's by Robert Brault and basically, it says not to worry about life expectancies. It says that instead of ticking each day off from some "allotment" you think you may have, you should consider each day of your life as a treasure to add to your
chest and with each day lived, your treasure will grow, not diminish. It is so hard not to obsess about the future, especially when you're in the position we're all in with cancer affecting ourselves or our spouse. But I can see no way to be somewhat OK right now unless you try to live for
today and make the most of it. And laugh whenever possible. Tim's doctor is a riot and we are always busting each other back and forth. We appreciate it and wouldn't have it any other way.
Even during some of the worst of times these last few years, Tim and I have joked with each other to break the tension and some things that have happened have been downright funny.
As I always say, laughing beats crying anyday.