Still in the fight

It occurred to me awhile back that people all around us have gotten the word that Tim has been in remission and apparently, they all think he's cured. While I am so very glad that Tim looks great and our life has been
somewhat normal, I have always known that we are still in this. MM has taken a union break but it has
not left the building. We were at a surprise 40th b-day last night for a friend who is like a cousin to me.
Our dads have known each other since they were kids. Her sister's husband heard me say something about
still going to Hackensack Hospital and he looked at me puzzled-like and said, "Still? I thought he was in remission and done with that."  I had to explain for probably about the 10th time this year that MM remission is not the same
as other cancer remissions. It's still there, just too low to be detected. Now that answer has even changed,
since it is peaking out now. Obviously, folks are disappointed to hear this. I started awhile ago to explain
his situation as "stable" so it gives people a better idea of where we are. It's never fun having to give bad news so I'd rather just use the stable word and avoid further explanations later. As for me, I tell ya, if you do not have hypochondria, you get is as part of the package when your husband gets ill and you have a young child. I already had lots of yucky health issues and close calls over the years so was too tuned in to begin with but I've been feeling pretty cruddy lately and had 2 very bad near fainting spells out of nowhere
in the last few weeks. One was just yesterday, standing at the counter at a deli with Liv. Suddenly, my temples started to pound, I felt a little oxygen starved and I knew what was happening. I came pretty close to a full "gray out". We walked home with me giving Liv quick instructions to dial 911 if I passed out
and no one was around. I came home pretty upset. This poor kid wound up with 2 parents with health issues and I don't know why this is getting worse for me now. Hormones, being out of shape, blood sugar issues? I dunno.  Just when I was going to go to the doc and finally admit I probably need blood pressure meds, this happens. These docs have no idea how my fainting spells
and weird heart rates are going to be affected by meds. It does NOT give me a lot of confidence when a doctor who has been a cardiologist for MANY years, is afraid to medicate me. So I ordered my positional sleep apnea belt and have tried to promise myself AGAIN that I will start exercising. I started taking vitamins and had better start drinking more too. Water, not alcohol,though I'm not sure I wouldn't be better off with the latter! I think it's time for a full physical too just to make sure I just feel like I'm falling apart and not that I really am. I HATE going to doctors. UGH.