Tomorrow morning, I check in for a cardiac ablation. I'm amazed at how differently I handle stress these days. In years past, I would not be able to concentrate and I'd be a nervous wreck leading up to something. Now, I put off the worry until that day, and I guess I have too much to do to sit around obsessing. I am hoping that the process is not too bad. One doc said they'd put me out, the one doing it tomorrow said I'd be awake for most/all of it. I think I like the PUT ME OUT version better but, he's the boss. I'm looking forward to having this in my rearview mirror. I am really hoping that it works and takes care of this problem, once and for all. This black out and fainting stuff ruined my life for MANY years, and though you can't "cry over spilt milk" or change anything, the more I hear how common this is, the more aggravated I get that it was not diagnosed so long ago, when I first sought answers. I just spoke to my neighbor, who is giving Liv a lift to school in the morning and her son has had similar problems and is starting to have some of the same tests I had years ago. I told her, "I'd get him to an electrophysiologist." Wish someone had told me that all those years ago. So, wish me luck!
Yesterday, my pastor, knowing I've always wanted to hear his daughter sing "Amazing Grace" (she has a beautiful voice) had her sing it to me yesterday, during church service. He sang with her and they both played guitars. This was unexpected and I cried through the rest of the service. Such a nice thing to do for me. He said a prayer with me, as I received communion, and I was so touched by all this, I bawled all the way home. I am blessed.
On a not happy note at all, I have not posted about Paula. Words fail me when I try to explain Paula, but most of you already know her and understand that. I cried like a baby when I read that she'd died. Another bright light extinguished by this damn myeloma. 42. I mean really! 42 years old. I will never be able to wrap my brain around things like this. She was so brave, so darn funny, right up to her last post. She had e-mailed me privately a few weeks ago, asking what I might know about the condition she'd gotten from the MM (she'd seen me comment about it on another blog some time ago) and she apologized for "laying this on me" and was more worried about her beloved Bernard than herself. Really, I just can't seem to find the words to describe how awesome she was and I saw that through a computer screen. I'm sure she was absolutely mind-boggling in person. I so wish this woman was able to stay here. What a huge loss this is, to so many people. We all got ripped off, but of course, she did most of all. My heart goes out to Bernard (and Buddy too.) I wish them God's peace and grace as they move forward from this hard, hard time.
I miss you Paula, and I will NEVER forget you! xx
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6 comments:
dear denise,
i will be thinking of you tomorrow,and BELIEVING that the ablation will be a complete success. what a lovely and touching thing your pastor and his daughter did, singing "amazing grace" and praying for you. i would have been crying buckets, too!
what you wrote about paula was a beautiful testament to how selfless she was and what a truly unique being she was. i wish you solace as you grieve the loss of her, and joy as you think of all the laughter she brought into your life. i think she will be watching over you, helping you to heal and move forward. love and hugs, karen
I am assuming since it is Wednesday that all is going well and that you are recovering nicely from your procedure. You know I intended weeks ago for the success of it all, but I have been without internet connection this week so missed the news until now.
We each were lucky enough to have a portion of Paula and I think we are all better for it. And yes, I agree, we were all ripped off by MM, Bernard worst of all. As I finished up some knitting last night I was feeling sad and really cannot believe it has been 10 days since she left us. Huge Sigh.
An update: The procedure was done. It did not come off without wrinkles, but hopefully it was a success. I would not say it was pleasant. I was awake through almost the whole thing and hope not to have to do it again. Got me a big ol' dose of valium near the end, which was nice. ;o) I feel OK now. Some nasty bruising where they went in at the groin, but other than that, no issues. Now, back to trying to find a blood pressure med that I can tolerate. I'm grateful for all the good thoughts and prayers!!!
denise - i am so glad it's OVER, and that you are feeling well enough to let us know you are okay. you DESERVED that valium, girl friend! in my nusing days, BP meds were always primo concerns, so when hugh needed one, we were lucky to find one called AVAPRO. it has had zero side effects for him; only one hitch - our insurance wouldn't pay for it, so we had to pay out of pocket. but if it's right for you, ask your doctor to write a script for double the dose, then break it in half and it will cost the same but last twice as long. not all meds can be halved, but avapro has been designated one that can. you can find A list of meds that have been approved for halving on the web, just to be sure. plus, there's a very handy gadget to accurately cut tablets, sold at most pharmacies. i wish you all the best as you recover, and will BELIEVE this is the answer you have been searching for for so long now. love, xo, karen
Denise: So glad everything went well with the ablation....but sorry you didn't get to sleep through it!
What a wonderful Pastor you must have! "Amazing Grace" is one of my favorite hymns.......
Paula's untimely death also brought tears to my eyes. What a special lady she was. Nothing is fair about this disease.
Hugs...
hello denise, it's karen just checking in to let you know i am thinking of you and hope you feel the vibe's i am always sending for comfort and healing. i hope your time away from your blog means you are rallying big time - and do i recall you had a vacation coming up? if so, i wish you, tim, and olivia a blast! love and hugs.
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