It has started. Cheerleading central is revving up 'round here. Liv has started workouts for high school cheerleading(she can run over a mile without stopping, DIDN'T get that from me) and last night was her first night coaching the little girls who cheer for the Pee Wee league. Some of the girls are our neighbors' kids so that is neat. They know and like her already. It's gonna be a good experience for her but I know these next months are gonna be rough on me. Let's face it, much of the responsibility falls on her parents, at this point, what with all the scheduling and drop offs and pick-ups etc. I am not ready for this but even worse, it has been 5 months now that I have been suffering from severe insomnia. My brain is really not functioning on all cylinders at all. Hard to get that far on your to-do list on 3 or 4 hours sleep. I've been forced to try to take naps during the day. Sometimes I can drift off, sometimes not. Gonna go to my gyn. for a check-up and see if this is all hormonal. Ticker-wise, I am still having issues there too. Have to change my blood pressure med again because the current one is aggravating my asthma too much. HATE trying new meds, but have to do it. I've been having palpitations like crazy and am not sure what is going on. My hunch is that is is hormones and sleep deprivation, but it is very unsettling. I feel like I have it worse since the ablation and that makes me a little nervous, like did they damage something in there or what. I can't laugh, get excited, cough or anything without triggering it. Even bending forward for some reason does it. My cardiologist put me on a halter monitor for 24 hours and would you believe it hardly EVER happened then. Isn't that always the way? It was like my heart said, "NO REALLY, I'm fine!" as soon as they strapped it on. It did happen mildly a few times and it was nothing but some benign extra beats but still, I wanted to get one of the bad episodes on there, and even tried to force one, to no avail. Oh well. Anyway, life
is moving along pretty much as usual. All the same stuff going on. I'm not organized and always feel bad for that. Balls are getting dropped here and there and I feel guilty. I still can't seem to get myself motivated to do the things I've been trying to motivate myself to do for years now. I think it's probably a combination of depression and fatigue. Trying to gear myself up to hitting this all hard and heavy as soon as school starts and I don't have Liv around all day needing rides here and there.
So that's about it. Vacations are over. Summer is winding down and went fast as always. Hope you're all enjoying your summer. Stay well.
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3 comments:
If you can find some stuff called "Moon Drops" at a local health food store, taking a couple of those before bed, with a cup of herbal tea may do the trick... I know that hormonal issues can make sleep harder, but I think it is more that you have SO MUCH on your plate... set yourself a time to go to bed, with the tea, moon drops, a good book (not TOO good) and stop your mind during that time. After two months of helping my daughter with the new twins, I can truly appreciate being sleep deprived!!! Hope these suggestions are helpful!
And I'll be holding the intention that some other parents are stepping up to the plate for transport, too!
DEAR DENISE - I HEAR YA ! SEEMS LIKE NOT ENOUGH HOURS IN THE DAY, AND THE SAME OLE, SAME OLE STUFF OF TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH GRUELLING ROUTINES. I ALSO HEAR THE NAGGING DOUBTS ABOUT YOUR RECENT PROCEDURE, AND KNOW HOW THAT PLAYS HAVOC ON YOUR SENSE OF WELL-BEING. I LOVE SANDY'S SUGGESSTIONS - THEY WILL HELP YOU ZERO IN ON YOU! MY DAUGHTER SUFFERED DREADFUL INSOMNIA FOR YEARS. DURING THAT TIME I WAS JUST BEGINNING TO LAUNCH MY HOSPICE NUHRSING CAREER, AND OFTEN CAME HOME WITH MY HEAD SWIRLING WITH THOUGHTS OF DYING PATIENTS, REVIEWING THE DAY IN MY HEAD, AND OFTEN NOT SLEEPING WELL, NOR LONG ENOUGH. I HAD A LIGHTBULB MOMENT WHEN I REALIZED I NEEDED ALL OF MY ENERGY TO FOCUS ON MY WORK, AND JUST HAD TO HAVE ENOUGH SLEEP TO BE ABLE TO DO THE BEST I COULD FOR MY PATIENTS. I WAS RE-READING "GONE WITH THE WIND", AND SCARLETT WOULD SAY, "FIDDLE DEE DEE, I'LL THINK OF THAT TOMORROW!". THAT BECAME MY MANTRA, AND AFTER PRACTICING IT, I SOON ACQUIRED THE DICIPLINE TO PUT THE DAYS REVIEWS OUT OF MY MIND. AND IT WORKED. MY DAUGHTER ALSO SUFFERED FOR A LONG PERIOD FROM INSOMNIA; SO I TOLD HER ABOUT FIDDLE DEE DEE. SHE TOO PRACTICED IT AND STILL DOES TO THIS DAY WHENEVER SHE IS OVERWHELMED WITH STRESS AT BED TIME. AND I ALSO AGREE WITH SANDY - A FIRMLY ESTABLISHED BED-TIME ROUTINE IS A RITUAL; RITUALS ARE A GOOD THING. THEY OFFER COMFORT AND A SENSE OF NORMALCY THAT MIGHT BE THE ONLY PLACE AND TIME OF PEACEFULNESS IN AN ENTIRE DAY. PERHAPS WITH THE HORMONES, TOO MUCH ON YOUR PLATE, AND MORE RECOVERY TIME NEEDED FOR YOUR PROCEDURE (REMEMBER - WHAT WAS OUT OF WHACK TOOK A LONG TIME TO BUILD UP, AMD IT WILL PROBABLY TAKE LONGER THAN JUST A FEW WEEKS OR EVEN MONTHS TO FULLY RESOLVE), GIVING YOURSELF THE ATTENTION YOU DESERVE AND NEED WILL BE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TOWARD FINDING A BALANCE. AS YOU SLIP INTO BED EACH NIGHT, TELL YOURSELF, "THIS IS MY TIME TO SLEEP, TO RENEW AND REFRESH. THIS IS NOT MY TIME TO THINK, WORRY, OR STRESS ABOUT ANYTHING. WHEN YOU FEEL THOUGHTS CREEPING IN THAT ARE UNWANTED, YOU MIGHT EVEN REMEMBER THOSE FAMOUS WORDS FROM SCARLETT O'HARA - FIDDLE DEE DEE...I WILL ALLIGN WITH SANDY'S INTENTIONS FOR YOU AND SAY AGAIN, YOU DESERVE IT! WARM HUGS AND SWEET DREAMS, KAREN S.
And I agree with both Sandy and Karen!! Take time out for you....I know that's easier said than done.
You had a very intense, invasive procedure - and you should remember that YOU need rest and recovery.
While Olivia is in school, treat some of the time as if she were a baby....taking a nap...and you nap, too.
Hope your next posting says that you are "taking time for Denise"!!
Hugs.....
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