It's always something

I know that this blog shows what a roller coaster our life has become since Tim's diagnosis.
I guess life has always been that way for us due to my own medical stuff over
the years but it is certainly magnified now. One minute we're up and the next can have me
struggling very hard to avoid a nervous break-down. So only 4 days after learning
that Tim is in a remission, I take Olivia for her check-up yesterday and the nurse walks in
and tells me she has protein in her urine. I cannot even put into words what it did to me. I
was already bummed that she probably needs eyeglasses but the last time a nurse said anything
to me about protein in urine was in the ICU of a hospital 18 months ago this week while Tim was very sick with strep sepsis and we were told 2 days later he had MM. I knew this would be the
"straw that broke the camel's back" if something was wrong with Livvy. She said there was a
possibility that it was from dehydration but that was kinda extreme if she had not just been
super active. I said my daughter is a horrible drinker. She always has been and it is a problem
that we are constantly battling. Olivia is a great kid but I talk to the wall a lot with her. The constant repeating myself makes me nuts and she really lets a lot go in one ear and out the other. It's genetic, she gets it from her father. Unfortunately, they learn everything the hard
way and I am left to fix everything. It's very frustrating to say the least. So I was instructed to
force her to drink as much as she could and bring in a morning urine today on the first day of
school. I spent all night thinking this could be lymphoma, leukemia, diabetes, MM(our doc treated a 12 or 14 year old boy once). I hardly slept and cried alot. We took her to her first day
of school at her new school today and I cried all the way back to the car and to the doctors'
office. I sat in the waiting room and begged God not to do this to us. I mean, cut us some slack
OK. Mercifully, the nurse came out and said it was from dehydration and she is fine. Again,
I have no words. If that test came out positive, they would have had to literally pick me up
off the floor. Having a kid is all at once the most wonderful and the scariest thing I have ever
done in my life. These scares take years off your own life. I have had to be so strong this last
year and a half and I have felt my ability to do that weakening in the last few months. Someone
asked me how I was doing last week and I said, "well, I suppose I could still fog a mirror up
if you put it in front of my face." He laughed but I really think sometimes that would be the
best I could manage. I don't
know how Tim does it but I wish I had the mind control he does. Anyway, our prayers were
answered. Aside from needing spectacles, Olivia is healthy and happy and that is a very good
thing. My husband now understands why I have said it's a good thing I cannot tolerate alcohol.
He said this morning, "you're right, you'd be an alcoholic by now." I said it's also a good thing I
am so fearful of meds or I'd be addicted to tranqualizers too. How I am getting through this
without something is beyond me. It's a miracle, I tell ya. Well I gotta go start counting my
blessings.