Missing Carol

Yesterday, I sent an e-mail to a couple we met at transplant who summer in PA and
snow bird in FL. I did not have a good feeling as the wife, Carol, who transplanted with Tim
almost 3 years ago, had not been responding to anything since she relapsed. She then fought
breast cancer on top of MM last year and that medical history meant that most or all clinical
trials would not accept her. Her husband e-mailed me right back to tell me she died 3
and a half weeks ago. I started to cry and had to stop right away 'cause Tim walked in. We
were on our way to drop Olivia at a sleepover and spend an evening with friends so I tried
to buck up. I have not told Tim yet. I am afraid to. Note:he does not use the computer much
at all and doesn't read this blog. I think it would be so scary to hear that someone who was in
the same spot you were less than 3 years ago is now gone but I suppose it could be pretty patronizing not to tell him either. I feel so blessed to have met this warm and friendly couple,
as well as another couple we are still friends with, at transplant. It is such a hard time and we
were so lucky to have these folks there with us. You could see how close this couple was and Carol always had a big, warm smile on her face through everything and never complained.
I got together with her last year before they went to their house in FL. We met at the doc's
office on a day she was in for an appt. and we had lunch. She was a beautiful woman and looked
great. I'm so glad I got to see her then and spend a nice afternoon with her. Her husband actually wrote that even though it was hard, he could not have scripted a more peaceful ending for her. She was not in pain at all, was peaceful, and surrounded by her sisters and close friends.
I suppose that is a real comfort and he also used a phrase that Tim has used all the time since dx. He said, "you have to play the cards you're dealt." Reality sucks sometimes but there's just no changing it. I am so sad about this news. This was a fine woman who had not enjoyed enough years of her retirement yet before being hit by MM. I wrote a response to someone on the ACOR myeloma listserve who ended his post with the phrase, "getting old sucks." Not that
I thought this guy needed a lecture 'cause he's a great guy, it seems, but I reminded him that
it sure beats the alternative. I know that getting old ain't for sissies but sometimes you have
to remember that not everyone is blessed with the chance to get old. And some people have
not avoided serious health problems until they were some ripe, old age. I can remember dreading birthdays as I got past 28 and now I'm just grateful I made another year. When I
hear of someone dying now who is 80 or above, or even 70's, I think to myself, what a blessing.
To see your kids grow into the people they were meant to be. To know grandchildren. Now that people wait longer to have children, we are seeing the last of the generations that will see their grandchildren become adults. I look at people who have that situation and wonder if they ever stop to think how lucky they really are.
When I married Tim, I signed on for the long haul. The boy keeps getting better with age and I really want to get old and (well I'm already gray) with him. I wish my friends Carol and George
had more time together. 60's isn't that old. Everything is relative though. There are lots of really young MM'ers out there who want to get old and get to judge for themselves whether it sucks or not and I hope these researchers can make
that happen. We will never forget you Carol. You are a special lady and we were blessed to know you and George.