Now here's an interesting twist

So, I did not give this any airtime around the holidays(at least I think I didn't mention it, my memory is so bad) but our sister-in-law, who we cut out of our life last year after she did the most despicable thing to us, sent us a letter before Christmas. In it, she blamed me for what she did last Christmas. Said that that "wasn't her" and that I "bring out the worst in her." Hmmm, so that wasn't her that said that? WHO was it? We ALL heard the words come out of HER mouth. And considering the amount of people that she treats so badly, do we all just bring out the worst in her and she is not responsible for any of the vicious things that she says to all of us? It's all OUR fault? And what exactly did I do wrong? I bought my husband the first new vehicle he has ever owned in his life and she was jealous that I could do that and so her envy and reaction is MY fault? So, in the letter, she continues to deny responsibility, tells me that I go to church and quotes a bible passage about forgiveness(by the way, a concept she knows nothing about and mind you, she was actually alluding to the idea that SHE was not the only one that needed forgiving) Then she tells me that I should think very hard about our decision and how it affects the family. She then claimed that she is a good person and so apparently this letter was some kind of olive branch she was offering despite the fact that all she really did was try to blame her behavior and the fallout on me. Tim read the letter and was furious. Oh yeah and she also said she did not owe us an apology and that I did not have to apologize to her. WE should just put this behind us and pretend it didn't happen. REALLY?!!! She took something from us that day and it cannot be gotten back. We don't get a do-over. Just FYI, the day after that Christmas, she called Tim's mom and sister trying to save face as she knew she had really screwed up and made herself look bad but felt that we were not worthy of an apology. She already knew what Tim and I thought about her so she figured she'd just try to stay in the good graces of the rest of the family. So, I responded to this letter with a letter of my own. Gave her a fairly generous serving of reality and told her not to contact us again. Reminded her of the very negative things she has caused this whole family and told her that maybe she was the one who had to think "long and hard" about her decisions and behavior and how they have affected all of us. I found out just before this last Christmas that when Tim's father heard, the previous year, what she said to me about the truck I bought Tim for Christmas '09,(he'd been in the other room so didn't witness it) he was so furious that he was going to confront her. Tim's mother stopped him. Told him he would cause them never to see those grandkids again if Tim's brother threw a tantrum over him confronting his wife.(By the way, this would never happen. People like that don't bite the hands that feed them. There is an inheritance to consider and they've been banking on that for decades, how sick is that?) Now, Tim and I don't need anyone to fight our battles but we did what we did because this woman brings nothing but negativity and poison into our lives. The fact that everyone has let her get away with bad behavior for so long is exactly why she felt she could do something this awful to us and get away with it. We have a right to stand up for ourselves and if this family is upset by this rift, maybe they should think about how accepting her behavior all this time has led to it getting to this point. And if they don't want to admit that, or do anything about it, that's fine, but don't blame us for defending ouselves then. At this point, it is not about forgiveness, we just don't want the added stress and ugliness that she brings to the table. Despite trying very hard to impress people, she has shown her true colors so many times over the years that she is barely tolerated by those who feel they have to but not liked and in almost 46 years, and believe me, I have seen some nasty things in those years, I have NEVER heard or seen anything as despicable as what she did to us that day when you take into account what the circumstances of our lives are. So cut to yesterday. I come home from, ironically, a bullying meeting I ran to try to help kids who are being bullied in our schools, and see an invitation on the kitchen table with a picture of Tim's brother as a young child on the front. I pick it up and read it to find that who we call our ex s-i-l has invited us to Tim's brother's 50th birthday. Tim's first reaction, and without a doubt the real truth is, "Of course, Lee Ann wants to make herself look good and probably doesn't expect us to come and then will hold that up as she invited us and is so perfect and we are the bad ones who didn't come to his brother's 50th." I just laughed. For one thing, like what his family thinks about us at this point really matters? I know it does to Tim but NOT to me. I've got much more important things to worry about. The affair is not being held at their home. Tim feels torn. He is not happy with his brother but Jim is not the one who said it. Granted, he did not even have the decency to call Tim and hasn't since and aside from a "bye" last Christmas, there has not been another word spoken. I said to Tim last night, "how do you accept an invitation and be a guest of someone hosting a party when you are not even speaking to that person?" That sounds ridiculous to me. I'm thinking, send a card and gift and be done with it. I REALLY don't think Lee-Ann ever thought we would accept. I think it was only done so she could hold it up to Tim's parents and tell everyone we refused to attend his brother's party. And that is certainly NOT a reason to go to this party simply to deprive her of that. I'm of the school of thought that if you have nothing better to do with your life than talk about me and tear me down, have a party. I say, "Let's give 'em something to talk about." Bonnie Raitt What to do? For many years, we have had a policy where Tim decides things for his side of the family, I decide things for my side. My first instinct is to tell Tim that I will abide by whatever he decides. It's his brother. Olivia does have a softball game that night and it is going to be hard to miss any games. She is the best pitcher we have and we are sure to be "shelled" if she is not there. BUT we really would feel like idiots attending this party. I know that a part of it is that Tim really doesn't want to be totally removed from his brother or his kids but his brother has done NOTHING to change that and the ball was put in his court last year when he was told he and his kids were welcome in our home and then did not come to Olivia's birthday party. I'm pretty sure my mind is made up. I would hate to make Tim go on his own. It is a little bit of a drive and I do not like the thought of abandoning him to go somewhere and be uncomfortable but I don't want to go. I think it would be wrong to be someone's guest and not utter a word to them. I hate that this stupid invitation even brought all this up again and we had a long converstation about it, reliving what she did to us that Christmas day all over again. OUT-LAWS. UGHHHHHHH!!!!! I spend a lot of time in church struggling with forgiveness and I have spoken to my pastor about this very thing. He told me that he does not feel we have to continue to be around people who cause us such pain in our lives. He sees nothing wrong with a little self-preservation. Well, that's my theory too and I'm sticking to it!