Well I have set a record for myself this year. I just e-filed my 2007 taxes today, the latest ever.
AND I found out they owe me lotsa money! We pay estimated taxes and still get creamed
every year as Tim's business has been getting bigger every year. We are very grateful for
this but man do we get slammed with taxes. So part of the reason we bought the rental
house is for write-offs and wow did that work out well. Turns out they have to send a
whole bunch of my money back to me. Now I'm just hoping our hopelessly broke government can come up with the coin. I have to say I have never been so disgusted with what is going
on in our country. Everyone is broke. The states, the federal government, the hospitals.
It's a darn mess out there. It infuriates me that our tax dollars just went to bailing out this
mess while a bunch of execs got rich giving out what to me is nothing less than predatory
loans. I think these fat cats should be sued by their stockholders and we should see them
lose their homes and all they amassed for themselves by doing this. I saw an e-mail go around
about giving the bailout money directly to the people in this country and it made sense to me
that this would be of more help than what they actually did. What a shame. My sister's neighbor
lost their home. They just moved into a rental with 3 kids and a dog. Our employee's neighbor
is in foreclosure too. It's a sad state of affairs in the good old US of A today. Very depressing.
I don't know how we will ever recover from this war and I think these financial problems will
last a long while. We need a shrewd businessman in the white house. I wish Mayor Bloomberg
were running or even better, Warren Buffett. Put 'em both in there together and they'll get
us outta this mess. Then we'll make Jimmy Buffett the head of foreign affairs. Get all them heads of state together, whip out the guitars, margaritas and reefer and everybody just chill!!!
Heck this idea can't be any worse than what the reality is. Well, here's to better days. As my
good friend who works in money management in NYC says, "Make sure you're keepin' lotsa dry powder!" That's CPA lingo for good old cash.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
How do you live a simple life?
Well I tried to carve out just 12 days in 3 weeks to complete the real estate licensing course
and I just barely squeaked it out. Olivia, Tim and I got sick and I missed exactly the limit
I was permitted without having to make up classes. I am exhausted. I was running Olivia
to school and driving another 20 minutes to class then the teacher luckily let us out almost
a half hour early everyday and I had just enough time to pick Olivia up so Tim would not
have to leave work and do it. I was getting an apartment ready for a new tenant, running Olivia back and forth to cheerleading practices, as well as
all my other countless duties. I remember many years ago working two jobs and still being
caught up. I have been a stay-at-homer for a long time now and am hopelessly behind. I just
cannot seem to stay on top of all my responsibilities. Tim finally blew his gasket about the
same thing the other night. He has had it. Most wood flooring guys, and many contractors, are sitting home
waiting for the phone to ring and Tim has stayed busy throughout this economic slowdown.
We are happy in one way but the lack of free time and even time to work on what he wants
to do around our own house is getting to him. I just don't know how we can simplify our life.
It bothers me that he is battling MM and not living the life he wants to live. On one hand, he
takes a lot of pride in his work and he is successful at it. I'm sure it helps to have goals and
purpose in life but when you own your own business, it is never a 9 to 5 thing. Nights are
spent on the phone or doing estimates. Before he knows it, he's kissing Olivia goodnight and did not even get to talk to her about her day. Some days I am so tempted to find some small town to move to where
we can live a simpler life. That will not happen living in Bergen County, NJ paying ridiculous
property taxes and all the other inflated NJ prices of things. Not being independently wealthy
or a lottery winner, the only way we could do this is sell everything and move to Walton's mountain. Unfortunately, our families(aka support system and emergency babysitters) are
here and I don't think I'll find any MM specialists or top of the line hospitals out in the boonies.
I feel like we are caught on the treadmill of life and can't figure out how to get off it. It's impossible for me to feel calm while living at this frantic pace. The days fly by and I feel like
we are not doing anything that we really WANT to do. Just going through the paces hardly
seems good enough to me anymore. Such a waste of precious time. If somebody figures out
the answer to this predicament, let me know.
and I just barely squeaked it out. Olivia, Tim and I got sick and I missed exactly the limit
I was permitted without having to make up classes. I am exhausted. I was running Olivia
to school and driving another 20 minutes to class then the teacher luckily let us out almost
a half hour early everyday and I had just enough time to pick Olivia up so Tim would not
have to leave work and do it. I was getting an apartment ready for a new tenant, running Olivia back and forth to cheerleading practices, as well as
all my other countless duties. I remember many years ago working two jobs and still being
caught up. I have been a stay-at-homer for a long time now and am hopelessly behind. I just
cannot seem to stay on top of all my responsibilities. Tim finally blew his gasket about the
same thing the other night. He has had it. Most wood flooring guys, and many contractors, are sitting home
waiting for the phone to ring and Tim has stayed busy throughout this economic slowdown.
We are happy in one way but the lack of free time and even time to work on what he wants
to do around our own house is getting to him. I just don't know how we can simplify our life.
It bothers me that he is battling MM and not living the life he wants to live. On one hand, he
takes a lot of pride in his work and he is successful at it. I'm sure it helps to have goals and
purpose in life but when you own your own business, it is never a 9 to 5 thing. Nights are
spent on the phone or doing estimates. Before he knows it, he's kissing Olivia goodnight and did not even get to talk to her about her day. Some days I am so tempted to find some small town to move to where
we can live a simpler life. That will not happen living in Bergen County, NJ paying ridiculous
property taxes and all the other inflated NJ prices of things. Not being independently wealthy
or a lottery winner, the only way we could do this is sell everything and move to Walton's mountain. Unfortunately, our families(aka support system and emergency babysitters) are
here and I don't think I'll find any MM specialists or top of the line hospitals out in the boonies.
I feel like we are caught on the treadmill of life and can't figure out how to get off it. It's impossible for me to feel calm while living at this frantic pace. The days fly by and I feel like
we are not doing anything that we really WANT to do. Just going through the paces hardly
seems good enough to me anymore. Such a waste of precious time. If somebody figures out
the answer to this predicament, let me know.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
It's always something
I know that this blog shows what a roller coaster our life has become since Tim's diagnosis.
I guess life has always been that way for us due to my own medical stuff over
the years but it is certainly magnified now. One minute we're up and the next can have me
struggling very hard to avoid a nervous break-down. So only 4 days after learning
that Tim is in a remission, I take Olivia for her check-up yesterday and the nurse walks in
and tells me she has protein in her urine. I cannot even put into words what it did to me. I
was already bummed that she probably needs eyeglasses but the last time a nurse said anything
to me about protein in urine was in the ICU of a hospital 18 months ago this week while Tim was very sick with strep sepsis and we were told 2 days later he had MM. I knew this would be the
"straw that broke the camel's back" if something was wrong with Livvy. She said there was a
possibility that it was from dehydration but that was kinda extreme if she had not just been
super active. I said my daughter is a horrible drinker. She always has been and it is a problem
that we are constantly battling. Olivia is a great kid but I talk to the wall a lot with her. The constant repeating myself makes me nuts and she really lets a lot go in one ear and out the other. It's genetic, she gets it from her father. Unfortunately, they learn everything the hard
way and I am left to fix everything. It's very frustrating to say the least. So I was instructed to
force her to drink as much as she could and bring in a morning urine today on the first day of
school. I spent all night thinking this could be lymphoma, leukemia, diabetes, MM(our doc treated a 12 or 14 year old boy once). I hardly slept and cried alot. We took her to her first day
of school at her new school today and I cried all the way back to the car and to the doctors'
office. I sat in the waiting room and begged God not to do this to us. I mean, cut us some slack
OK. Mercifully, the nurse came out and said it was from dehydration and she is fine. Again,
I have no words. If that test came out positive, they would have had to literally pick me up
off the floor. Having a kid is all at once the most wonderful and the scariest thing I have ever
done in my life. These scares take years off your own life. I have had to be so strong this last
year and a half and I have felt my ability to do that weakening in the last few months. Someone
asked me how I was doing last week and I said, "well, I suppose I could still fog a mirror up
if you put it in front of my face." He laughed but I really think sometimes that would be the
best I could manage. I don't
know how Tim does it but I wish I had the mind control he does. Anyway, our prayers were
answered. Aside from needing spectacles, Olivia is healthy and happy and that is a very good
thing. My husband now understands why I have said it's a good thing I cannot tolerate alcohol.
He said this morning, "you're right, you'd be an alcoholic by now." I said it's also a good thing I
am so fearful of meds or I'd be addicted to tranqualizers too. How I am getting through this
without something is beyond me. It's a miracle, I tell ya. Well I gotta go start counting my
blessings.
I guess life has always been that way for us due to my own medical stuff over
the years but it is certainly magnified now. One minute we're up and the next can have me
struggling very hard to avoid a nervous break-down. So only 4 days after learning
that Tim is in a remission, I take Olivia for her check-up yesterday and the nurse walks in
and tells me she has protein in her urine. I cannot even put into words what it did to me. I
was already bummed that she probably needs eyeglasses but the last time a nurse said anything
to me about protein in urine was in the ICU of a hospital 18 months ago this week while Tim was very sick with strep sepsis and we were told 2 days later he had MM. I knew this would be the
"straw that broke the camel's back" if something was wrong with Livvy. She said there was a
possibility that it was from dehydration but that was kinda extreme if she had not just been
super active. I said my daughter is a horrible drinker. She always has been and it is a problem
that we are constantly battling. Olivia is a great kid but I talk to the wall a lot with her. The constant repeating myself makes me nuts and she really lets a lot go in one ear and out the other. It's genetic, she gets it from her father. Unfortunately, they learn everything the hard
way and I am left to fix everything. It's very frustrating to say the least. So I was instructed to
force her to drink as much as she could and bring in a morning urine today on the first day of
school. I spent all night thinking this could be lymphoma, leukemia, diabetes, MM(our doc treated a 12 or 14 year old boy once). I hardly slept and cried alot. We took her to her first day
of school at her new school today and I cried all the way back to the car and to the doctors'
office. I sat in the waiting room and begged God not to do this to us. I mean, cut us some slack
OK. Mercifully, the nurse came out and said it was from dehydration and she is fine. Again,
I have no words. If that test came out positive, they would have had to literally pick me up
off the floor. Having a kid is all at once the most wonderful and the scariest thing I have ever
done in my life. These scares take years off your own life. I have had to be so strong this last
year and a half and I have felt my ability to do that weakening in the last few months. Someone
asked me how I was doing last week and I said, "well, I suppose I could still fog a mirror up
if you put it in front of my face." He laughed but I really think sometimes that would be the
best I could manage. I don't
know how Tim does it but I wish I had the mind control he does. Anyway, our prayers were
answered. Aside from needing spectacles, Olivia is healthy and happy and that is a very good
thing. My husband now understands why I have said it's a good thing I cannot tolerate alcohol.
He said this morning, "you're right, you'd be an alcoholic by now." I said it's also a good thing I
am so fearful of meds or I'd be addicted to tranqualizers too. How I am getting through this
without something is beyond me. It's a miracle, I tell ya. Well I gotta go start counting my
blessings.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
The ZERO club
Yesterday was Tim's first appt. in about 2 and 1/2 months. I was trying to prepare myself
for higher numbers. His M-spike had continued to go down the first month after stopping
Velcade to a really low .06 but after almost 4 months off treatment, I just knew it was gonna
be higher. I actually felt my heart skip a beat when the assistant handed me his lab results.
I looked at the CBC first and thought, wow for Tim, these numbers are good. Then I got to
his 3 pages of lab tests and could not find the listing for m-spike. It took me several minutes
and then I finally saw the 2 sentences that said there was no monoclonal protein present in
his blood or urine. The doc was still with other patients and I was so stunned that I was
afraid to tell Tim in case this was wrong. Finally after a few minutes of checking the name
on the tops of the pages and his test results from last time, I told him. When the doc started
looking at Tim's records at his little area in the hall, I said "Am I seeing things or does Tim
have a zero M-spike?" He said "I don't know, let me see" and he found the sheets in the
huge binder of Tim's records and said. "Yes" then true to form, he tried to pee on our
parade by saying, "This actually doesn't mean that much." and I looked that big oaf straight
in the eye and said "IT DOES TO US." We walked in there 18 months ago with Tim's
IGG over 10000 and his urine protein off the charts with an insurance company that
said, "we ain't paying for treatment." Tim could have died from the strep sepsis that put him
in intensive care and led to his diagnosis. He dragged himself through a stem cell transplant
that did not do squat and the doc says, this doesn't mean much. THINK AGAIN EINSTEIN!
I repeated what I said and he shut up. It's hard not to like this man but he could be
a little more hopeful for his patients. He was gonna have Tim get a Zometa treatment even
though it was a little early for that but we needed to get the heck out of dodge and celebrate
this without anything to screw it up. I said, "it's Labor Day weekend and even though those
treatments don't bother him, why now? We'll come back for it next month." He said OK and
we peeled out of there. He said we could decide when we wanted to come back for labs and
an appt. 2 months, 3. It's up to us. I'm thinking the year 3000 sounds good. So even though
Tim feels guarded about this and I guess I do too on some level, this is a place that many
MM patients never get to and I am grateful to God for this. So I say, "Scoot over all our remission and
ZERO club pals, we're in and we're looking to stay awhile!!!!!!!!! Happy Labor Day!!!
for higher numbers. His M-spike had continued to go down the first month after stopping
Velcade to a really low .06 but after almost 4 months off treatment, I just knew it was gonna
be higher. I actually felt my heart skip a beat when the assistant handed me his lab results.
I looked at the CBC first and thought, wow for Tim, these numbers are good. Then I got to
his 3 pages of lab tests and could not find the listing for m-spike. It took me several minutes
and then I finally saw the 2 sentences that said there was no monoclonal protein present in
his blood or urine. The doc was still with other patients and I was so stunned that I was
afraid to tell Tim in case this was wrong. Finally after a few minutes of checking the name
on the tops of the pages and his test results from last time, I told him. When the doc started
looking at Tim's records at his little area in the hall, I said "Am I seeing things or does Tim
have a zero M-spike?" He said "I don't know, let me see" and he found the sheets in the
huge binder of Tim's records and said. "Yes" then true to form, he tried to pee on our
parade by saying, "This actually doesn't mean that much." and I looked that big oaf straight
in the eye and said "IT DOES TO US." We walked in there 18 months ago with Tim's
IGG over 10000 and his urine protein off the charts with an insurance company that
said, "we ain't paying for treatment." Tim could have died from the strep sepsis that put him
in intensive care and led to his diagnosis. He dragged himself through a stem cell transplant
that did not do squat and the doc says, this doesn't mean much. THINK AGAIN EINSTEIN!
I repeated what I said and he shut up. It's hard not to like this man but he could be
a little more hopeful for his patients. He was gonna have Tim get a Zometa treatment even
though it was a little early for that but we needed to get the heck out of dodge and celebrate
this without anything to screw it up. I said, "it's Labor Day weekend and even though those
treatments don't bother him, why now? We'll come back for it next month." He said OK and
we peeled out of there. He said we could decide when we wanted to come back for labs and
an appt. 2 months, 3. It's up to us. I'm thinking the year 3000 sounds good. So even though
Tim feels guarded about this and I guess I do too on some level, this is a place that many
MM patients never get to and I am grateful to God for this. So I say, "Scoot over all our remission and
ZERO club pals, we're in and we're looking to stay awhile!!!!!!!!! Happy Labor Day!!!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
All's well that ends well
We just got in last night from Vermont. It's a good thing we went. The weather ended up
being great and I never would have heard the end of it if we did not go based on my idea
to skip it. Things actually went well with the in-laws. We had a good time. Olivia worked
at the dairy farm across the street every afternoon with the girls that live there. Their dad told
me he wants to hire her. She has no problem getting in there with the manure hoe and
mucking out stalls. She fed chickens and calves and picked veggies. She loves it and did not
want to come home. I golfed for the first time in 9 years. Luckily, I got some exercise doing
it and the views from this course are incredible because my score card was shameful. It
looked more like olympic gymnastic scores than golf scores. Tim and I got some real time
together canoeing at the lake, golfing and hanging out with some friends up there. I guess I
don't even realize how little time we spend without Livvy around us. This week, Tim will have
his labs drawn and next week he will have his first doctor appt. in over 2 months. As always,
I am nervous but it is what it is and I can't change anything so we'll hope for the best. He still
has some neuropathy in his legs and feet and I still hope that it goes away. It's a constant
reminder for him and makes me sad to see him in pain. People are always so shocked to see
him looking so well. We saw friends we haven't seen since May '07, and I guess everyone
just automatically thinks if you have cancer, you're gonna look it. He is tan and fit and looking
fine which is great for him. Not bad for me either, I might add. Well back to reality, as if I ever
left. I have so much to do, I hardly know where to start. I need a personal assistant big time!
being great and I never would have heard the end of it if we did not go based on my idea
to skip it. Things actually went well with the in-laws. We had a good time. Olivia worked
at the dairy farm across the street every afternoon with the girls that live there. Their dad told
me he wants to hire her. She has no problem getting in there with the manure hoe and
mucking out stalls. She fed chickens and calves and picked veggies. She loves it and did not
want to come home. I golfed for the first time in 9 years. Luckily, I got some exercise doing
it and the views from this course are incredible because my score card was shameful. It
looked more like olympic gymnastic scores than golf scores. Tim and I got some real time
together canoeing at the lake, golfing and hanging out with some friends up there. I guess I
don't even realize how little time we spend without Livvy around us. This week, Tim will have
his labs drawn and next week he will have his first doctor appt. in over 2 months. As always,
I am nervous but it is what it is and I can't change anything so we'll hope for the best. He still
has some neuropathy in his legs and feet and I still hope that it goes away. It's a constant
reminder for him and makes me sad to see him in pain. People are always so shocked to see
him looking so well. We saw friends we haven't seen since May '07, and I guess everyone
just automatically thinks if you have cancer, you're gonna look it. He is tan and fit and looking
fine which is great for him. Not bad for me either, I might add. Well back to reality, as if I ever
left. I have so much to do, I hardly know where to start. I need a personal assistant big time!
Monday, August 11, 2008
Recipe for disaster
Well we were off to Vermont, then cancelled the trip and now we're off again. What a pickle.
The weather up there has been rain and more rain. We were gonna stay at my sister's place
but it was gonna be tight as my niece and other brother-in-law are there too and my sis has 2 very large, hairy(this is starting to sound gross) DOGS that would be wet, muddy and all over us
the whole time. One just rolled in a dead porcupine and spent half a day under anesthesia being
de-quilled. Yesterday my newest tenant just informed me he is moving to California for
a job and I am stuck with re-renting an apt. I just rented a few months ago. This darn rental
has been a royal pain. So Tim was not able to get any of his jobs to move into this week and I
will have to start showing the apartment next week. I could see Tim was not gonna get anything done on our house or the rental as he was moping about missing this trip so I said, the heck with it, let's go. His brother's family is leaving there tomorrow which makes enough room for us at his parent's house but this is probably the last thing I
need. I have been so tired and short-fused lately and putting me in a house full of in-laws
whilst looking out at the rain and having nothing to do with a kid who'll be bored is definitely
a bad mix. I have a really large bottle of Zinfandel around here somewhere that is going in with
the luggage and this week may be the week I start drinking. I'm bringing plenty of books but what I'll really need is earplugs and a muzzle. Hear no evil, speak no evil. Ah vacation. Dontcha
just love it?! There's gotta be a better way.
The weather up there has been rain and more rain. We were gonna stay at my sister's place
but it was gonna be tight as my niece and other brother-in-law are there too and my sis has 2 very large, hairy(this is starting to sound gross) DOGS that would be wet, muddy and all over us
the whole time. One just rolled in a dead porcupine and spent half a day under anesthesia being
de-quilled. Yesterday my newest tenant just informed me he is moving to California for
a job and I am stuck with re-renting an apt. I just rented a few months ago. This darn rental
has been a royal pain. So Tim was not able to get any of his jobs to move into this week and I
will have to start showing the apartment next week. I could see Tim was not gonna get anything done on our house or the rental as he was moping about missing this trip so I said, the heck with it, let's go. His brother's family is leaving there tomorrow which makes enough room for us at his parent's house but this is probably the last thing I
need. I have been so tired and short-fused lately and putting me in a house full of in-laws
whilst looking out at the rain and having nothing to do with a kid who'll be bored is definitely
a bad mix. I have a really large bottle of Zinfandel around here somewhere that is going in with
the luggage and this week may be the week I start drinking. I'm bringing plenty of books but what I'll really need is earplugs and a muzzle. Hear no evil, speak no evil. Ah vacation. Dontcha
just love it?! There's gotta be a better way.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Birthday bloggin'
So today is the 15th anniversary of my 28th birthday. Everybody, including me, is playing the
lottery thinking that 8-8-08 must be some kinda lucky charm. I don't really believe in any
superstitions or what-not but since it is my birthday, I figured if I was ever gonna win, why not
today? Still trying to retire Tim. We just got back from 9 days at the Jersey shore. Tim, as usual,
did not want to come back. The man could live at the beach and Olivia is right there with him on
that. Me, I'm glad to be home and sleeping in my own bed though not for long. Tim decided to
take another week off so I'm doing the laundry marathon and re-packing and we'll
be off to Vermont for a week. OY!!! This girl has been packing and moving since two weeks ago.
We split our vaca between 2 different shore points and now it will be a 350 mile drive to VT.
I'm always wondering when MY vacation starts. I'm whooped. The whole in-law family is
up in Vermont at Tim's parents' house and the good news is.....we are staying at my sister's
house 20 minutes away!!! Like my other sister always says "Of all my husband's family, I like myself the best!" That sister, incidently, was born on my fourth b-day. So happy birthday to her too!!!
I am starting to see that vacation is actually harder for me than being home. As many wives
and moms know, it can be much more work and in my case, I am always so overwhelmingly
busy at home and I didn't realize how much it staved off all those sad and scary thoughts. There is
way too much time to think when you are not on the run constantly. But it's also hard to relax when
you have left behind a ton of things that need doing. I need to learn how to relax. I have decided to start an exercise program
when we get back and I hope I can do it. I need to start taking time for me and I've had 8 pounds creep on in the last 3 years and I'm not happy with them. I'm determined to get my
"six-pack" back and wear a bikini again. Well, I think I'm determined. We'll see.
lottery thinking that 8-8-08 must be some kinda lucky charm. I don't really believe in any
superstitions or what-not but since it is my birthday, I figured if I was ever gonna win, why not
today? Still trying to retire Tim. We just got back from 9 days at the Jersey shore. Tim, as usual,
did not want to come back. The man could live at the beach and Olivia is right there with him on
that. Me, I'm glad to be home and sleeping in my own bed though not for long. Tim decided to
take another week off so I'm doing the laundry marathon and re-packing and we'll
be off to Vermont for a week. OY!!! This girl has been packing and moving since two weeks ago.
We split our vaca between 2 different shore points and now it will be a 350 mile drive to VT.
I'm always wondering when MY vacation starts. I'm whooped. The whole in-law family is
up in Vermont at Tim's parents' house and the good news is.....we are staying at my sister's
house 20 minutes away!!! Like my other sister always says "Of all my husband's family, I like myself the best!" That sister, incidently, was born on my fourth b-day. So happy birthday to her too!!!
I am starting to see that vacation is actually harder for me than being home. As many wives
and moms know, it can be much more work and in my case, I am always so overwhelmingly
busy at home and I didn't realize how much it staved off all those sad and scary thoughts. There is
way too much time to think when you are not on the run constantly. But it's also hard to relax when
you have left behind a ton of things that need doing. I need to learn how to relax. I have decided to start an exercise program
when we get back and I hope I can do it. I need to start taking time for me and I've had 8 pounds creep on in the last 3 years and I'm not happy with them. I'm determined to get my
"six-pack" back and wear a bikini again. Well, I think I'm determined. We'll see.
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