A new year + thoughts on polygamy

Today, I'm taking down the Christmas decorations. Usually, I'm just a little relieved to get
my house back in order(OK back to the normal amount of clutter and chaos, keepin' it honest here)
but this holiday season was truly wonky. It feels like it never really happened. We were all sick.
I was so busy, and still am, turning over apartments that I hardly got to sit and take it all in.
Our tree was not up and decorated till much later than we usually do it. The whole month
was a blur. My list of things to do as I begin 2011 is staggering at best and I wonder how I will
ever get to a point when I am doing something to take care of me. I was diagnosed with sleep
apnea months ago and still have not found the time to see the doctor about a machine. Yeah, I know, kvetch, kvetch, kvetch. It's just all going by too fast and I wish I could be doing things I
want to do instead of the endless list of things I have to do. The other day, I watched a few minutes of an interview of some guy who has 4 wives. I normally don't watch things like this but
I had to laugh. When his first wife, who went into this whole thing with her eyes open, decided she was dealing with some jealousy issues over this #4 he was bringing into the family, she asked him how he would feel if she took another man to bed. The guy actually told her that even the thought of that repulsed him. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT??!! What a double standard. But I gotta tell ya, if you can get over the jealousy thing, I think having other women around to share
the work is terrific. As for me, I'd never share Tim that way. But I think that I definitely need
another woman around here to help me out. I need to find someone real unattractive that has boundless energy. "That's right honey, keep your mitts off old blue eyes over there and get cracking on that to-do list. I'm going for a massage."

This is no time for a Blizzard!

So Christmas went pretty well. We went to Tim's parent's house and we left shortly after
his wicked sister-in-law and family came. Tim's stomach bothered him from eating a
big meal, which he hadn't done the whole time he was sick, and we were all tired so it
was a good enough reason to drop out of a very uncomfortable situation. I was in jammies
by 7:15 and that was fine with me. Today, however, we are getting our first blizzard of the season. Could have done without this right now. Tim was out in the garage twice today with
a new snowblower(well new last season) that won't start. My brother-in-law will come over with
his plow and that will get the lion's share of both the driveways done but I have over 150 feet of
sidewalks to shovel, plus the walkways, and they're saying we'll have 12 to 18 inches by morning. Just swell. I have to somehow keep my husband from going out all day in this. He is not completely over his pneumonia and today was the last day of the antibiotic so we don't need him relapsing. He NEVER listens to me though. It's very hard for us to accept help but we have to. His dad offered to come help tomorrow so hopefully we can keep Tim inside as much as possible. I usually love snow but now with the rental house, I don't like
these big dumpings anymore. Both driveways are huge and throw in the sidewalks and you're talking about some real insults to our bad backs.
So I 've been reading the MM blogs and I think that this holiday season was a trying time for a lot of people. Really a shame. I hope that 2011 starts shaping up to make up for that. I'm a little less stressed myself going into the new year as we have a lease on our big apartment and the woman seems SO DARN NICE. The upstairs should not be hard to rent so hopefully we get that rented soon. So, 2011 better be the year I start taking better care of myself. I've said it for too long, I have to DO it now. I'm wearing myself out and getting nowhere fast. Time to get treated for the sleep apnea
and begin an exercise program. I know it will help my energy levels and I'm hoping it will help
the mood situation too. Can't hurt. Happy New Year everyone!

I DO NOT recall this being on our wish list

Well, a doctor's visit with Tim turned into a stat chest x-ray and TADA! he has pneumonia.
First time since he was 12, I believe. I am on the upswing, but Olivia started coughing again, after getting over a minor cold over a week ago, and now it looks like this may be the Christmas that never was. If we don't make some miraculous recoveries and the doctor can't assure me it's safe to be around others, looks like Christmas at home with Vick's vapo-rub smeared on all our chests. Yeehaw. On the bright side, our big apartment is rented, I have a maybe on the smaller one and we're not crying over the fact we may not see Tim's jerk of a sis-in-law, which we were not looking forward to after her behavior last year. Tim's GP wants to know why the heck
a myeloma patient has not been given a pneumonia shot every year. We were told about the flu
shot but nobody EVER said anything about the pneumonia shot. He said this is standard procedure for MM patients. I wasn't aware he was an oncologist too. Another question to ask
the head cheese. Happy Christmas y'all! and if you're overcome by the smell of menthol, that
would be us. I feel a Christmas poem coming on.

Mangy mutt

I think Lacey has a skin condition. Tim always thought

she itched a lot and the vet said that's common in puppies. "Cept now she is starting to look

sparse in a few areas. On her legs, around her eyes. And I SWEAR she has not gotten into any Melphalan or anything. My neighbors' dog had something like this

and they showed me the shampoo the vet gave them. Holy Moley, I read the bottle and they're bathing the dog in straight pesticides. Now me, I am one of "those" people. I have a problem with exposing my family to proven carcinogens and things that damage one's central nervous system.

Call me crazy but while everyone around here has lawn services that spread agent orange on their lawns several times a year, 'round our house, we're looking at more types of weed in our yard than was floating around Woodstock way back when. So now I am looking up natural remedies. I'm thinking of using a lice repelling shampoo with rosemary oil that I used on Olivia

when her school went on a 3 day class trip that sent half of them home with lice. That was seriously gross, let me tell ya!!! I'll have to get her to the vet and have a look-see(the dog not Liv) as soon as I

stop coughing my fool head off. (Off topic, I have bronchitis and possibly pneumonia now but it's the dog I'm worried about)Any of y'all have any tips about this skin stuff? Her skin actually looks beautiful and I don't see any scabby things or eruptions at all. Right now, Lacey is watching us decorate the Christmas tree(um, from the sofa I should add) and she is very confused as to why she will drag a branch 5 blocks on her walks and then doesn't get to bring it in the house and we get to bring in a whole dang tree!!! If anybody needs kindling for the fire, I've got a whole bunch of branches in the yard she's dragged home. So breaking out an old Christmas memory: today, I was reminded of going to Mass on Christmas Eve each year with a family we were quite close with for many years. Every year we would come home for lobster and pasta dinner and their son, who skipped church most of the time, would be sitting in front of the TV watching the Yule Log burn stoned out of his mind. Come to think of it, I recall the few times he came to church, he always giggled through the whole thing. Probably stoned then too, I'm just realizing now as I write this.

A few years back, he did some work for a divorcee that lived behind us. One day, Tim was working outside and smelled the distinct scent of reefer wafting over the fence. He ran into Richie weeks later and when he told Tim he was seeing a woman who lives behind us, Tim

said, "NOW I KNOW who was blowin' joints on the other side of the fence!" Wonder if Rich still watches the yule log at Christmas. I'll have to ask him.

Speaking of stoned, this is the final cut that made the holiday card. I couldn't figure out how to get rid of the dog's white eyes. The red eye thingy wouldn't work. Now we are fielding questions about whether Tim was stoned because his eyes look just a tad loopy. Nope, but this was after Thanksgiving dinner and he sat next to my dad polishing off a large bottle of wine with him. He was feeling pretty loose. Tis the season and all that.

Fire and brimstone

Yesterday, we attended a funeral for a close family friend on Tim's side. Joan was 73 and had alzheimers(we think). She'd had a pretty tough life but was a devout Catholic. One of her sons
died in a car accident at 17 right after getting his driver's license. His parents were away when it happened and my father-in-law had to identify the body. It was indeed a hard time. On Friday, at the wake, a priest from her church came to speak at both the early and later visiting times.
Oy, that was one of the hardest sermons I've ever sat through. Their favorite priest was away and apparently, this one had no idea that their son had died at 17 in a car wreck. Normally, pastors only read a few short verses at wakes and say a few things, this guy went ON AND ON
about making ourselves ready to meet our maker. Told everyone they should be reading scripture and listening to Catholic mediums on radio for at least an hour daily and whenever possible, at work, etc. That we had better get right with God as we could be called to face him at anytime. Then he went into telling everyone that Joan was blessed to live to her 70's and to think of all the younger people who die.
Look at the kids who die in car accidents. We all thought, OH NO DO NOT GO THERE! But he did. Stated several recent incidences and obviously did not know that this family and group did not need to be reminded of those particular tragedies. We all squirmed and my father-in-law leaned over to his friend next to him and said, "somebody get the hook."
We laughed it off later but this was really not what everyone wanted to hear at Joan's wake.
DEFINITELY NOT what Ed, Joan's husband, needed to hear as he prepares to bury his wife next to his son. The priest went on forever and people actually got up and started walking out. At the later viewing, those who had already sat through it earlier,or even just heard about it, left the room when he walked in. He said the same things all over again. It was painful. While I know that it's part of his job to be a fisherman for saving souls and all that, wow, this guy really needs to tone it down just a tad. And a little homework on the family involved would not have hurt either. Anyway, I found out something yesterday about Tim. I noticed over the years that he gets melancholy in church and I don't bug him to go. Yesterday, they played, "How great Thou art" and he teared up. He told me that church reminds him of Freddy's funeral(Joan's son who was like a brother or maybe a cousin to Tim) and also of all the funerals since, including a grandmother of his that we were very close to.
So I finally know why. I wish he wasn't so private sometimes. Freddy's death obviously affected him quite a bit. Their families spent a lot of time together even going on vacations together and such. Tim was only about 2 years younger than him and he stops by Freddy's grave when he is in the area. I guess some things in life, you never quite recover from. Olivia accolites today and Tim always goes to those services. With this funeral just hours past, I may urge him to stay home or at the very least, distract him a bit at church. So on to happier things. Today, we get
our tree. Gotta put in a big effort to get these gears switched and get into the holiday spirit!
If only today's rain were SNOW! (sigh)

Dear Santa, Send Prozac!!!

I've heard for years that the holidays are a very depressing time for many people. I totally get that now. While I have always LOVED Christmas, I see now that if your life is not what you want it to be, the holidays seem to magnify that. It's been tough trying to get in the mood each year since Tim's diagnosis when you wonder if your family will be intact next year. You're supposed to be happy and merry and all that jazz. If you're not, you feel like you're not measuring up. Last year was quite fun when I got Tim his new truck but there is always that backround noise that reminds you that nothing is ever REALLY GREAT anymore. There is a BIG problem that looms over everything. These last few weeks have seen me in a funk and Tim is warning me to de-funk. I don't know how he does it. The

man has cancer and you'd never know by his attitude. He has old high school friends who are drinking themselves to death and other guys we know dealing with depression due to job troubles or whatever and Tim just does his thing and never complains. I feel a real depression

in myself lately though. It is hard to live this double life. I put the game face on for him and Olivia but the reality is, I am obviously not happy. I feel that there are such difficult times ahead

and it's hard not to feel doomed. I am not at all happy about the lack of support and concern some people in our immediate circle have shown these last few years. It's hard not to be bitter.

I am starting to dread being around these people this season. Add to that that my Mom seems to be slipping very badly memory wise. It's a scary thing to watch. She has not been diagnosed with anything but they do have her on Aricept(sp?) which they use for Alzheimers.

We just had a family friend die yesterday and I have another funeral to attend where some of these toxic people will be. It's not helping matters that both of our tenants are moving and I am running back and forth showing apartments and stressing about all that. I'm trying to get out of this funk but it's hard. I had a spell myself the other night and almost fainted in front of Olivia

and scared the heck out of her. Tim was at Home Depot and she called him to come home but it

broke my heart to think of the crappy deal this poor kid got. I've been spending a lot of time doing church things. It relaxes me and I've met such nice people and I think it's helping to counter balance the anger I have at others who have really let us down. Well, I think I gotta go watch something funny. Olivia has a terrible sore throat so it seems things may get even worse this week and I had better BUCK UP. I have no idea what the doctors will do if she has strep since she is now allergic to 3 large classes of antibiotics. I think I should go get a darn nursing degree. I need it just for my home life. As Charlie Brown would say, "RATS!"

What's your favorite Christmas albums?

So I had to post ASAP to get something else up other than that very dark, "story of my life" in poem form that I wrote yesterday. Today I am trying to lift myself out of my funk. So it's time to start baking for an open house party we have after our town parade and tree lighting tomorrow night
and queuing up some of my favorite Christmas albums on the CD player. So here's the mix.
James Taylor(A Christmas album) OF COURSE. Gotta have my JT. The Polar Express soundtrack. Great movie!!! Sarah McLachlan, (Wintersong)Not sure if this is too good if you're in a funk though. Some of her stuff makes me cry. Luther Vandross(This is Christmas) Luther, we miss ya man. And lastly, Dolly Parton(Home for Christmas). OK Who's laughing out there now?! I love Dolly. Actually made Tim take me to see her in concert a few years ago. Still sounds great
and Tim didn't complain. The only chance he'll ever get of being near a set like that!
So what are y'all listening to these days?